It's Over shame on me

[deadcells]

Holy shit, I am a literal rotten out husk of a human being. I'm unsure why I can't really accept that people dont want me around. Whenever I am outside, usually Im standing next to some people conversing and socializing, whether its on the bus, shop, school etc. I get these fantasies of joining in, being a part of whatever the fuck they are doing or talking about. Best example I have was back in school. In one of my classes during chemistry, two guys were messing around with some kid, and I couldnt help but laugh like a lunatic, but they turned to me with a disgusted look and started gossiping.

Why I started laughing? I have no clue, I obviously knew its wrong but I had this urge to. I get this fuzzy feeling, uncontrollable shaking for no reason, forcing random slight gestures to no one and smiling. I look like I'm having a psychosis . This has happened on multiple occasions every time outside, and I only resent myself for it, which I should.

(sorry for shitty writing, i am walking home)

 

[ihatelife2]

Really sorry you've always been left out and ostracized. It's not fair and it's brutal.

 

[Sir Silentium]

In one of my classes during chemistry, two guys were messing around with some kid, and I couldnt help but laugh like a lunatic, but they turned to me with a disgusted look and started gossiping.

Why I started laughing? I have no clue, I obviously knew its wrong but I had this urge to. I get this fuzzy feeling, uncontrollable shaking for no reason, forcing random slight gestures to no one and smiling. I look like I'm having a psychosis

Normies all act the same way, it's like they're all in a cult together, having to belittle us silent beings in order to give themselves higher status.
At least you reflected on what you did, most people never will.

 

[VanGobbel]

In one of my classes during chemistry, two guys were messing around with some kid, and I couldnt help but laugh like a lunatic, but they turned to me with a disgusted look and started gossiping.

So you enjoyed seeing other guy getting bullied?

 

[deadcells]

So you enjoyed seeing other guy getting bullied?

No, and I did say I recognised it as horrible behaviour immediately. Im not a psychopath. Sorry for not wording it correctly.

 

[McFlurryCel]

you are the outcome of your environment. Never blame or shame yourself