Discussion Shall I cut off my friend?

[Esoteric7]

I’ve known this guy since 2015, back when we’d actually hang out after university, walk around the city, and talk about life. Lookswise, he's similar as me: average faced, curry, 1/2 inch taller, never had a girlfriend, incel in denial, same personality etc.

In 2020, I moved to another city that’s 200 miles away and we haven't seen each other since 2021.

At this point, I'm usually the one reaching out. Weeks/months go by with no contact unless either of us initiates. I've asked him to visit me, but he won't. He cites excuses, leaves me on read, or gives vague answers like “I’ll think about it” with no follow-up.

Whenever we talk on text, he struggles to keep up a conversation. His responses are quite bland, and after about a few minutes of texting, he’ll suddenly say that he needs to go. And then again several weeks/months will go by with no contact.

Two months ago, he came to my city with his friend to visit the city… but he didn’t tell me. I was expecting him to at least let me know so we can meet up for at least 5 minutes since we haven’t seen each other in years. When I called him out, he had no real answer.

When I offered to visit him in his city, he responded: “You want to come here?! What the hell are we gonna do? There’s nothing to do here.” Imagine your friend is willing to travel 200 miles just to spend time with you, and this is how you reply? I replied saying that I'm sure we can find something to do, but he left me on read again and it's been several days.

I don't feel like this is friendship anymore. He's been reduced to a bunch of pixels on a screen, and doesn't seem to care.

By rejecting or running away from my requests to meet up, it implies:
• He doesn’t value my company
• He doesn’t respect my efforts

Revenge Option:

He recently asked me to provide a job reference. He then said that he was thinking of visiting me but he was using that as bait to persuade me to accept doing a reference for him. I know it was bait because after I accepted to do the reference for him, I asked him if he really wanted to come and see me, but again he left me on read.

I'm thinking of not doing it, but not telling him. When he asks if I filled out his reference, I'll just say: “Couldn’t be bothered. Ask someone else.”

Or maybe I should give him a bad reference on purpose? If he finds out, it burns the bridge forever, but wasn't the bridge already ash?

i’m conflicted on this because he gave me a job reference earlier this year, which helped me out. To be honest, there would’ve been nobody else I could ask for a reference, so he was probably very important in me getting that job.

 

[KillNiggers]

Yes. Fuck him lol

 

[Epedaphic]

Ah, yeah, I'd agree it doesn't really seem like friendship anymore. He clearly doesn't want to spend time with you, no matter who is traveling to who. Tbh the job reference thing is kind of insulting. Meh, I guess to normies it's a "usual" kind of thing, to have someone as a "connection" that you get a reference from, but don't really talk to or see otherwise. To me, that's just shallow especially when you have wanted to hang out. I don't think he deserves the reference from you but at the same time, it does seem to be going a bit far to give a bad reference or to say you did but didn't. If it were me I'd probably just ignore the request and move on from him. The one instance where you may want to give the reference is if you think you'd ever need something like that from him in the future (and if you think he'd give it to you), but then your relationship with him truly is just as a "business connection."

 

[LastGerman]

I’ve known this guy since 2015, back when we’d actually hang out after university, walk around the city, and talk about life. Lookswise, he's similar as me: average faced, curry, 1/2 inch taller, never had a girlfriend, incel in denial, same personality etc.

In 2021, I moved to another city that’s 200 miles away and we’ve only seen each other twice since then.

At this point, I'm usually the one reaching out. Weeks/months go by with no contact unless either of us initiates. I've asked him to visit me, but he won't. He cites excuses, leaves me on read, or gives vague answers like “I’ll think about it” with no follow-up.

Whenever we talk on text, he struggles to keep up a conversation. His responses are quite bland, and after about a few minutes of texting, he’ll suddenly say that he needs to go. And then again several weeks will go by with no contact.

Two months ago, he came to my city with his friend to visit the city… but he didn’t tell me. I was expecting him to at least let me know so we can meet up for at least 5 minutes. When I called him out, he had no real answer.

When I offered to visit him in his city, he responded: “You want to come here?! What the hell are we gonna do? There’s nothing to do here.” I replied saying that I'm sure we can find something to do, but he left me on read again and it's been several days.

I don't feel like this is friendship anymore. He's been reduced to a bunch of pixels on a screen, and doesn't seem to care.

By rejecting or running away from my requests to meet up, it implies:
• He doesn’t value my company
• He doesn’t respect my efforts

Revenge Option:

He recently asked me to provide a job reference.

I'm thinking of not doing it, but not telling him. When he asks if I filled out his reference, I'll just say: “Couldn’t be bothered. Ask someone else.”

Or maybe I should give him a bad reference on purpose? If he finds out, it burns the bridge forever, but wasn't the bridge already ash?

This is why I said and say, that camaraderie between men does not exist or at least does not exist anymore. Do not help him out. There is no reason for it. Also do not reply to him anymore.

 

[SociallyStupid]

I'm thinking of not doing it, but not telling him. When he asks if I filled out his reference, I'll just say: “Couldn’t be bothered. Ask someone else.”

Or maybe I should give him a bad reference on purpose? If he finds out, it burns the bridge forever, but wasn't the bridge already ash?

Honestly, I would still give him it. He might not be a friend any more, but a job reference would still be nice. But you shouldn't consider him a friend any more because he isn't.

 

[curryboy420]

Don't do no fucking job reference for that faggot man. Have some self respect. My only power nowadays comes from treating others how they treat me. It's hilarious sometimes how these niggers spaz out when you give them a taste of their own medicine.

 

[Pancakecel]

If you're the only one putting in the effort, then you have your answer.

 

[The Scarlet Prince]

i’m conflicted on this because he gave me a job reference earlier this year, which helped me out.

I would have agreed until this part. He's an incel like you are, right? If he helped you, then repay him in kind. It's obvious that you two can't be said to be 'friends' anymore, but still, you should at least be just in how you deal with things.

 

[Rasama]

I feel you; he doesn't have feelings for you anymore. Not in the gay way though

People say men's freindships are strong and never wither, but not all applies, and only in certain conditions

Give him a bad ref, it's not like your "freind" will be notified of it, right?, no?

 

[Emba]

Hard to say

I know many IRL dudes that only rarely call or text me, and never return calls or texts.

I know (guess) they ain't socially busy because they are losers too. But, they are mostly bluepilled morons. Some also have jobs...

Mostly they want something. Sometimes money, but sometimes they are just bored.

Then they act like no time at all has passed.

I think they are classical NPCs.

We don't exist for them until they want to be amused by our interactions.