The other day I was meandering without any purpose when a frolicking couple approached me. They had smiles on their faces , something that I deeply envy. I never bothered to socialize with them but they seemed to have a strange affinity for me. As they got closer I realize something. They seemed to be cosplaying anime characters. I was immediately interested. I had always hated the undeserving ones who started watching anime in 2020 as a trend, but this was a pleasant surprise. I mustered up my courage and approached them. I asked them what anime it's from. The boyfriend spoke up and said "Oh it's an anime called Horimiya! We LOVE the couple and wanted to cosplay them!". I felt uncomfortable. I was no stranger to romance anime but I hadn't watched one in a long time.......
After great effort I had managed to end the conversation. When I reached home curiosity got the best of me. I decided to watch a romance anime . I open up my laptop, hands trembling like I was doing something forbidden. I click on the first episode with fear and anticipation, then, suddenly all my emotions stopped. I was..... alone. I had expected great emotions but all I felt was emptiness. An endless void with no purpose . I was confused... was I feeling pain? happiness? sadness? Before I knew it , I had finished the first season of the anime.
I closed my laptop worriedly. What had happened? What did I just feel? What did I just do? I lay on my bed, feeling empty. I thought about it for a while before it hit me. The emotion I felt.... was envy . Pure envy. I was envious of the fact that the main character was experiencing something I will NEVER have. It was a dagger. A painful, addictive dagger covered in slow acting venom to maximize suffering.
Situations like these remind me that the only emotion that this world deserves is hate. I have been forsaken. Left to rot. My purpose is to be a villain. This is fate.
After great effort I had managed to end the conversation. When I reached home curiosity got the best of me. I decided to watch a romance anime . I open up my laptop, hands trembling like I was doing something forbidden. I click on the first episode with fear and anticipation, then, suddenly all my emotions stopped. I was..... alone. I had expected great emotions but all I felt was emptiness. An endless void with no purpose . I was confused... was I feeling pain? happiness? sadness? Before I knew it , I had finished the first season of the anime.
I closed my laptop worriedly. What had happened? What did I just feel? What did I just do? I lay on my bed, feeling empty. I thought about it for a while before it hit me. The emotion I felt.... was envy . Pure envy. I was envious of the fact that the main character was experiencing something I will NEVER have. It was a dagger. A painful, addictive dagger covered in slow acting venom to maximize suffering.
Situations like these remind me that the only emotion that this world deserves is hate. I have been forsaken. Left to rot. My purpose is to be a villain. This is fate.
