Story Representative Days: Demonstration

[Giracel]

At times, there are days that are very representative of life in general, in that they include various qualities of inceldom. Yesterday was one such day.

Part I — Events of the Day

1. In the morning I went to my class and took a certain in-class quiz I had studied for intensely. Thankfully it went well and I think I got everything right (we will see).

2. However after that, the rest of the day was not great. I got marginal things done, but was tired/unfocused, and didn't do as much as I'd hoped for…

3. Then the real blow came at dinner, and I was eating at a table that was right in front of this chad/normie friend group. Among this group were a couple girls of unclear relation (didn't seem to be dating any of the guys), and one of them was this really hot hapa that I was trying not to stare at the whole time. I found it upsetting observing all this because I felt like I was in another dimension—like that life was not something I could grasp, and that hapa was off limits to me, which was disturbing. I actually know who the friend is that she was with, but not who she is.

4. After this I had a night class but I didn't pay attention to anything. I was too tired and now also very demoralized from what I had seen at dinner. I got there early, and wrote down about what I had observed while I was waiting for it to start. Halfway through, my brother texted me and said "mom is tracking your location and wondering where you are" — how brutal, she does not know I have a night class this term, and therefore is questioning why I would be out of my room at night. She knows I am a loser with no life.

5. By the time I got back to my room I was feeling mentally suffocated, and decided that it would be best to go to sleep early as a means of escape. Thankfully I was able to fall asleep easily (one benefit of being generally low-energy).

Part II — Representations

Now to recap the themes that these things represent:

1. Academic success: this has in general been the dichotomy, doing well in school and nowhere else
2. Difficulty focusing/being productive: has always been an problem, more recently compounded with lethargy
3. Observing others: whether seeing couples or just girls as in this case, this has been a source of envy and perturbation
4. Lack of independence: I am nearly done with college and still completely controlled by my parents (will move back in with them)
5. Neuroticism/overwhelm: at times I feel my capacity to handle obstacles has increased, but then days like this show me that is not really true

TL;DR — the neurotic "gifted kid" who behind the scenes has no motivation, on the periphery occluded from girls, extension of his parents. Turns out rather stereotypical.

Epilogue — The Next Day

Today I was still thinking about that dinner and wishing I had taken a picture of the scene at the table in front of me. Seeing that certain hapa caused an immense feeling of defeat that is still not dissipated. Also after a class I picked up a to-go order, and on the way out saw this cute asian girl that looked vaguely familiar walking with an extremely tall chad. She had a hello kitty plush tag on her bag, and I would have been angered by the sight of it all, had I not already been in such a subdued state.

It's hard to be productive when reminders of demise are all around, but maybe immersion into work is actually the answer.

 

[Giracel]

@Tšuudi do you find hapas attractive? And do you also have days that are "representative"?

 

[Tšuudi]

@Tšuudi do you find hapas attractive?

Yeah I find some of them attractive, don't see a lot of those here but they might increase since the amount of asians here has increased.

And do you also have days that are "representative"?

I do

"mom is tracking your location and wondering where you are"

Why is she tracking you?

 

[Giracel]

Yeah I find some of them attractive, don't see a lot of those here but they might increase since the amount of asians here has increased.

I wouldn't expect many in Finland. Although I would say they look similar to a lot of finno-ugric peoples in northwest Russia, and to central asians (Kazakhs).

 

[Giracel]

Why is she tracking you?

My parents never really let go. College was like HS II for me.