High elves: Jews
Despite making up a very low percentage of Skyrim’s total population, they run everything. They run the Imperial City, they run the Summerset Isles, they run Morrowind, they run Elsweyr, they run Skyrim, they run your own house and you don’t even know it. They are your elven overlords, they control the general consensus, and thus control the populace. They control everything. Even if you side with the Stormcuckolds, you cannot defeat them, you can only delay the inevitable.
Bretons: aryan whitecels
They have an inborn 50% resistance to any and all magic attacks, which is basically an insane deal to every Elder Scrolls veteran; it’s the game’s way of telling you: hey look, this is the best of the best, you cannot go wrong with this. The game thinks of this as the most neutral and simultaneously privileged race there is.
Orcs: blackcels
Shunned by every other race in all of Tamriel to the point of having to create their own societies, away from all the others. They have their own culture and code of conduct as a means to protect their tribe and once abused and slaved identities. They are highly aggressive, most of the time resort to their fists, and cannot be reasoned with. If you ever relax by relying on anything less than persuasion tactics when engaging in conversations with them, then you will pay a hefty price.
Dark elves: currycels
Basically brown Jews. The working class, but also highly manipulative and slimy creatures that could always work their way up due to their keen interest in rat races (a dark elf managed to single-handedly run the College of Winterhold). They invaded Skyrim and are replacing the nords. They’re physically miserable and fragile, hence their obsession with magic, and despite their disgust towards each other, if you, as an outsider, dare to mess with them, then they will suddenly unite and make you regret it in ways you can’t imagine.
Khajiits: kebabcels
Masterful at thievery, robbery, swindling, and kidnapping. Similar to dark elves, they can be quite devious, constantly brewing shit behind closed doors, never miss an opportunity to scam you, and can make others think you never existed. Not entirely a force to be reckoned with, but still, very dangerous in their own ways. Unlike the dark elves however, they harbor strong contempt for the high elves.
Imperials: self-hating whitecels
Lowest life form in all of Tamriel, and the root of all distress caused in Skyrim. Not to mention their poor way of handling the Oblivion crisis and letting their emperor get assassinated like a dog. Overall, pathetic abominations with zero redeeming qualities. They love pampering the high elves, and their preferred hobby of the day is rubbing and swallowing elf balls.
Nords: self-centered whitecels
Professional copers. Constantly angry at things that never really happened and are not happening. Coping is basically their favorite daily activity. They can never stop coping. They go to sleep, they cope. They wake up, they cope. They eat, they cope. They shit, they cope. They’re about to die, and they can cope that they’re actually not dying, or that Sovngarde (their cope-made heaven) will conjure them a warm bed and a belly full of mead in return.
Redguards: spicels
They manage to keep a low profile. Generally harmless creatures, and they enjoy standing on their own feet, independently. They love food, music, and dancing. They just love to sing and dance from out of nowhere and for no apparent reasons. Fascinating people.
Argonians: ricels
Incredibly intelligent creatures thanks to their cultural complexities and adaptability. Can breathe under water because they are just the superior non-human race. They have a history of being power-hungry warmongers and no other race has managed to face a past as savage and brutal as theirs.
Wood elves: N/A, other
They’re the younger brothers of high elves, but due to their natural biodiversity, they assume a neutral side, and cannot be put into just one box or category.
Despite making up a very low percentage of Skyrim’s total population, they run everything. They run the Imperial City, they run the Summerset Isles, they run Morrowind, they run Elsweyr, they run Skyrim, they run your own house and you don’t even know it. They are your elven overlords, they control the general consensus, and thus control the populace. They control everything. Even if you side with the Stormcuckolds, you cannot defeat them, you can only delay the inevitable.
Bretons: aryan whitecels
They have an inborn 50% resistance to any and all magic attacks, which is basically an insane deal to every Elder Scrolls veteran; it’s the game’s way of telling you: hey look, this is the best of the best, you cannot go wrong with this. The game thinks of this as the most neutral and simultaneously privileged race there is.
Orcs: blackcels
Shunned by every other race in all of Tamriel to the point of having to create their own societies, away from all the others. They have their own culture and code of conduct as a means to protect their tribe and once abused and slaved identities. They are highly aggressive, most of the time resort to their fists, and cannot be reasoned with. If you ever relax by relying on anything less than persuasion tactics when engaging in conversations with them, then you will pay a hefty price.
Dark elves: currycels
Basically brown Jews. The working class, but also highly manipulative and slimy creatures that could always work their way up due to their keen interest in rat races (a dark elf managed to single-handedly run the College of Winterhold). They invaded Skyrim and are replacing the nords. They’re physically miserable and fragile, hence their obsession with magic, and despite their disgust towards each other, if you, as an outsider, dare to mess with them, then they will suddenly unite and make you regret it in ways you can’t imagine.
Khajiits: kebabcels
Masterful at thievery, robbery, swindling, and kidnapping. Similar to dark elves, they can be quite devious, constantly brewing shit behind closed doors, never miss an opportunity to scam you, and can make others think you never existed. Not entirely a force to be reckoned with, but still, very dangerous in their own ways. Unlike the dark elves however, they harbor strong contempt for the high elves.
Imperials: self-hating whitecels
Lowest life form in all of Tamriel, and the root of all distress caused in Skyrim. Not to mention their poor way of handling the Oblivion crisis and letting their emperor get assassinated like a dog. Overall, pathetic abominations with zero redeeming qualities. They love pampering the high elves, and their preferred hobby of the day is rubbing and swallowing elf balls.
Nords: self-centered whitecels
Professional copers. Constantly angry at things that never really happened and are not happening. Coping is basically their favorite daily activity. They can never stop coping. They go to sleep, they cope. They wake up, they cope. They eat, they cope. They shit, they cope. They’re about to die, and they can cope that they’re actually not dying, or that Sovngarde (their cope-made heaven) will conjure them a warm bed and a belly full of mead in return.
Redguards: spicels
They manage to keep a low profile. Generally harmless creatures, and they enjoy standing on their own feet, independently. They love food, music, and dancing. They just love to sing and dance from out of nowhere and for no apparent reasons. Fascinating people.
Argonians: ricels
Incredibly intelligent creatures thanks to their cultural complexities and adaptability. Can breathe under water because they are just the superior non-human race. They have a history of being power-hungry warmongers and no other race has managed to face a past as savage and brutal as theirs.
Wood elves: N/A, other
They’re the younger brothers of high elves, but due to their natural biodiversity, they assume a neutral side, and cannot be put into just one box or category.
