I knew for awhile it was coming and as soon as I was told about it I knew it would be shit and It went about as expected
As usual and like most things in life as an incel It was a boring and alienating experience
The wedding day started and I arrived at the venue
From the end of the street I could see my lanky ass cousin and his gf
I instantly knew that like all the times I see him every few years I would have him telling me I should get a job and stop wasting my life as If that would make any difference
Despite how annoying it is I cba explaining it all to him to attempt to get him to stop and I doubt it would make a difference anyway
Atleast hes learnt not to ask if I have a gf anymore just like the rest of my family
For probably half a fucking hour we all sat there awkwardly as we all somewhat talked amongst eachother
Atleast as much as people who barely see eachother and have nothing in common can
The whole time Im questioning what the need to make us wait this long was But I still didnt know how much more waiting I had in store
Later on my uncle arrived with his wife around the time we were let into the building
Once we were sat in the building
again
we had to wait for awhile
I dont know exactly how long But it felt like ages considering I had nothing to do
Then my sister came in her dress and the ceremony started and all that shit
I wont go into detail about that since theres no point
After all that shit was done I had to take pictures with everyone else playing happy familys when Im more like a prop then a real member of the family at this point
Im not saying most of them didn’t attempt to love and include me somewhat
But these days because of how much of a Loser I am every interaction with most of my family feels like it has a layer of disappointment and a lack of respect and thats because It does
And I can understand why they are like that since all of them are normies and they probably think That Im like this because I didn’t try hard enough or some shit but it still annoys me that they cant see that I pretty much had no chance from the start
As much as most of them don’t have ideal lives they got way luckier compared to me
Ive always been the Loser of the family and Im sure most of you can say the same
The funny thing is they all act like I could easily sort my life out when I have a list of problems in life compared to all of them
Sure they have to deal with normie problems but atleast they actually get to be human
They had social lives they all got be normal they didnt have to deal with living how we do and how fucked it makes you mentally and alongside that you have to deal with Whatever mental problems you might have been born with due to your shit genes
I was born with a few myself before I even ended up with abused dog syndrome
Adhd autism and maybe low iq
Not only are my genes terrible but My childhood was shitty too and Then the rest of my life followed in the same pattern and Im guessing It will continue that way Until I inevitably kill myself at some point
After the wedding We walked to the after party or whatever tf its called at some pub
On this walk my cousin hit me with the dreaded work conversation that I knew was coming sooner Or later
One thing I noticed while walking was that Theres a certain pattern in my family that Is definitely not rare these days
I noticed how nearly all the members of my family who are in relationships the Male in the couple is 6ft or above Including My sisters New husband
Must just be a coincidence
The only ones who arent that I can think of are my uncle Who I think is like 5’10 who was cheated on by his first wife and surprisingly my other sisters Bf who is probably like 5’3 since he’s shorter than me and Im like 5’6
I know you will all be thinking that shes cheating on him but I doubt it honestly
Despite being abused by him in the past when he was addicted to drugs and a dealer shes gotten back with him several times even though she could have easily got with someone better or a useful betabuxxer to pay for the kids she had with him
genuinely the only outlier to the height rule Ive ever seen but Im guessing dark triad helped somewhat Idfk tbh
View: https://youtu.be/hU5-0qKEklc?si=LvyT27XxtCgpFbRu
When We arrived at the Pub we walked down the stairs into the floor of the bar my family had hired
Little did I know I was walking into The Most boring Hell I can Imagine
Alot of the other people from the wedding were already there
We all sat at this corner table And there we stayed for another 5 or 6 hours
I wanted to go on my phone but I was surrounded by my family and knew there was nothing I could look at without being questioned about which I cba dealing with
Thinking back on it I should have just done it anyway
Alot of my family started talking about shit that I dont care about and had nothing to add to
Even when I tried to speak My voice is stifled by how bad my anxiety is at this point and I always speak quietly no matter how much I try to speak loudly
I think its because I know no one gives a shit What I have to say or they will will just judge me negatively for whatever it is so my body is physically trying to stop me from even speaking
All part of abused dog syndrome I guess
This whole time all of them are enjoying themselves and Im just sat watching everybody at the party thinking about all the things that have gone wrong in my life and what led to them and Just realising how little chance I have at getting anything worth living for out of life Like Most of them probably got trouble free
Everyone At the party is so lively and Im just an empty husk in the corner like A ghost sat watching in from the afterlife on the others who are actually allowed to live
Alot of them had their girls next to them or atleast their friends and family around them as far as I know they were genuinely enjoying themselves
I remember looking around at all of their smiles and being reminded of this scene from sopranos
If I was in hell then It was like being surrounded by a bunch of grotesque happy demons that were there only to punish me more
everyone there Without exaggeration mogged me and most of them weren't even special in the slightest
Even if some of them were slightly subhuman they were still NT and had social skills
At some point I got up to go to the bathroom to take a piss and have a slight break from it all
I remember leaving the stall to wash my hands and My gaze meeting the weird asymmetrical round eyes Kept behind my glasses in the reflection of the mirror
my strange ugly chudjak visage looking back at me in the mirror with annoyance and disappointment
I turned to leave and saw another mirror on the wall that I hadn’t noticed before
This time It was a full body mirror and I saw my weirdly small short framecel body reflected back at me as a reminder of my cursed state in life
It was like a wombo combo of brutality
After that I left the bathroom back into the 8th circle Of hell
A few hours In and I was questioning whether to just drink To make this shit more tolerable despite the Diazepam I had taken for my anxiety (which Didnt do shit btw)
I dont know much about diazepam and the doctor didnt tell me shit but from what I read online apparently mixing it with alcohol can kill you but this had became so boring and intolerable that I genuinely just thought to myself Id rather risk dying then put up with this shit sober
What they say about your perception of time moving quicker as you get older is definitely true
Im only 20 but Now it feels like months and years go by like nothing
But in this room it felt like time was moving as slow as possible
Until I drank A few ciders anyway
It definitely made it more tolerable
Time felt like it passed by alot quicker and It made me less annoyed about everything
Just become an alcoholic thoery
While Drinking I sat thinking About what everyones reactions would be If I just died right then and there and whether it would even effect anyone but I think you all know that no one would give a shit
They might be shocked at the time But that would be the end of it
Maybe my family would be a sad for a month and that would be it
The only one that would be genuinely effected would be my mum
Brutal
After I had a few drinks They started doing the speechs
These speechs were pretty entertaining from the BP perspective tbh
My sisters husbands dad comes up and starts talking about his life
I always knew this guy was higher class than me but I thought he was upper middle class I only just found it his family is much richer
I never realise he lifemogged me this brutally
I just found out these mfs Live in a fucking 14 bedroom house that was renovated from a hotel
I cant even imagine being that wealthy
Hes talking about all these countries they went to as a family how much fun they all had that type of shit
Going swimming in caves and shit like that and Im just imagining this Idyllic life like something out of an advertisement It sounds like this cunt had compared to what I had
The “holidays” I had were shitty Trips to my uncles house In wales where we did nothing
My parents constantly arguing while we slept in a shitty tent
And then going home so they could argue more
Then hes talking about The first time He played rugby and how he was so proud of him
The reason hes proud is because He knows his son even has the genetic potential to play a game like that
If I even tried I would genuinely end up coming out with a severe injury
It was genuinely so strange and brutal to see how nice his family situation was growing up
Most of the people I know where Im from had somewhat similar parental situations to me since I come from a low class area so its no surprise That relationships dont last when you don’t have money to even out the stresses coming from work and deteriorating looks on both sides
After his dad was done with his speech a few of each of their friends did one
The first one was by my sisters friend who I remember from my childhood
She was saying how she was happy my sister finally found a man she deserved and how her taste in men used to be “so bad” because they were all assholes
And you all know exactly what that means
I even remember one of my sisters bfs being a stereotypical chad with a muscle car
I dont remember exactly what the problem was but I remember that their relationship was pretty bad
But obviously she put up with it anyway because he was a chad
After that Was their old roommate who they had been friends with for 10 years
Fairly chill guy from what I remember from the only time I met him
Nothing that interesting happened in this speech but I thought it would be funny to mention that this guy Is a jbwMaxxer
He isnt ugly but he is fairly fat now and Im pretty sure before this girl he didnt really have any Gfs but Idk for sure
I think I remember hearing that he traveled to some asian country and met her there and then brought her here
I just remember near the start of the wedding seeing this confused looking asian girl walking around before she went up to stand with him
Up until that point I had completely forgotten that He was Jbwmaxxer
I thought that was pretty funny tbh you always see Bp thoerys happening before your eyes everywhere especially somewhere like a wedding
These places really arent meant for people like us
Even before I went there I knew this would be the equivalent of a humiliation ritual for someone like me but I still felt the need to go
The reason everyone else at a wedding is happy is because they can imagine themselves with their current partner in the future or even imagine themselves getting one in the future
they all know they have the potential to live normal lives
But Everyone around me including myself knows Someone like me will never get this
After the speeches It was my sisters husbands turn and Tbh I don’t remember exactly what he said probably the usual shit
“Ive waited so long for this “ “I cant wait to spend out future together with our child”
Thats one thing Ive neglected to mention up until now
My sister is 6/7 months pregnant
So while I rot in the corner they themselves are setting up their own idyllic future that I will never have
After that He started crying during the speech out of happiness everyone else kind of mocked him for it which was fair
Imagine anyone like us ever being that happy about anything
After that not much really happened it all started to die down a bit more
Theres probably alot more brutal things I could have mentioned that I either dont remember or didn’t notice but I guess all of that will go unknown now
After probably another hour we started to leave I had already said goodbye to my uncle Aswell as my other sister
they had left way earlier
I sort of said goodbye to my sister but she was too busy talking to some other people and At this point I had gotten sick of all of this shit So I just left out of annoyance without even saying goodbye to her properly
After What was like an eternity I felt the cold air of the night on my face
My cousin said goodbye to my Mum and her Bf and didnt even say anything to me before he left with his Gf
I didn’t care though I was too busy looking into the Moonlit sky thinking about how over it had always been like I always do
As usual and like most things in life as an incel It was a boring and alienating experience
The wedding day started and I arrived at the venue
From the end of the street I could see my lanky ass cousin and his gf
I instantly knew that like all the times I see him every few years I would have him telling me I should get a job and stop wasting my life as If that would make any difference
Despite how annoying it is I cba explaining it all to him to attempt to get him to stop and I doubt it would make a difference anyway
Atleast hes learnt not to ask if I have a gf anymore just like the rest of my family
For probably half a fucking hour we all sat there awkwardly as we all somewhat talked amongst eachother
Atleast as much as people who barely see eachother and have nothing in common can
The whole time Im questioning what the need to make us wait this long was But I still didnt know how much more waiting I had in store
Later on my uncle arrived with his wife around the time we were let into the building
Once we were sat in the building
again
we had to wait for awhile
I dont know exactly how long But it felt like ages considering I had nothing to do
Then my sister came in her dress and the ceremony started and all that shit
I wont go into detail about that since theres no point
After all that shit was done I had to take pictures with everyone else playing happy familys when Im more like a prop then a real member of the family at this point
Im not saying most of them didn’t attempt to love and include me somewhat
But these days because of how much of a Loser I am every interaction with most of my family feels like it has a layer of disappointment and a lack of respect and thats because It does
And I can understand why they are like that since all of them are normies and they probably think That Im like this because I didn’t try hard enough or some shit but it still annoys me that they cant see that I pretty much had no chance from the start
As much as most of them don’t have ideal lives they got way luckier compared to me
Ive always been the Loser of the family and Im sure most of you can say the same
The funny thing is they all act like I could easily sort my life out when I have a list of problems in life compared to all of them
Sure they have to deal with normie problems but atleast they actually get to be human
They had social lives they all got be normal they didnt have to deal with living how we do and how fucked it makes you mentally and alongside that you have to deal with Whatever mental problems you might have been born with due to your shit genes
I was born with a few myself before I even ended up with abused dog syndrome
Adhd autism and maybe low iq
Not only are my genes terrible but My childhood was shitty too and Then the rest of my life followed in the same pattern and Im guessing It will continue that way Until I inevitably kill myself at some point
After the wedding We walked to the after party or whatever tf its called at some pub
On this walk my cousin hit me with the dreaded work conversation that I knew was coming sooner Or later
One thing I noticed while walking was that Theres a certain pattern in my family that Is definitely not rare these days
I noticed how nearly all the members of my family who are in relationships the Male in the couple is 6ft or above Including My sisters New husband
Must just be a coincidence
The only ones who arent that I can think of are my uncle Who I think is like 5’10 who was cheated on by his first wife and surprisingly my other sisters Bf who is probably like 5’3 since he’s shorter than me and Im like 5’6
I know you will all be thinking that shes cheating on him but I doubt it honestly
Despite being abused by him in the past when he was addicted to drugs and a dealer shes gotten back with him several times even though she could have easily got with someone better or a useful betabuxxer to pay for the kids she had with him
genuinely the only outlier to the height rule Ive ever seen but Im guessing dark triad helped somewhat Idfk tbh
View: https://youtu.be/hU5-0qKEklc?si=LvyT27XxtCgpFbRu
When We arrived at the Pub we walked down the stairs into the floor of the bar my family had hired
Little did I know I was walking into The Most boring Hell I can Imagine
Alot of the other people from the wedding were already there
We all sat at this corner table And there we stayed for another 5 or 6 hours
I wanted to go on my phone but I was surrounded by my family and knew there was nothing I could look at without being questioned about which I cba dealing with
Thinking back on it I should have just done it anyway
Alot of my family started talking about shit that I dont care about and had nothing to add to
Even when I tried to speak My voice is stifled by how bad my anxiety is at this point and I always speak quietly no matter how much I try to speak loudly
I think its because I know no one gives a shit What I have to say or they will will just judge me negatively for whatever it is so my body is physically trying to stop me from even speaking
All part of abused dog syndrome I guess
This whole time all of them are enjoying themselves and Im just sat watching everybody at the party thinking about all the things that have gone wrong in my life and what led to them and Just realising how little chance I have at getting anything worth living for out of life Like Most of them probably got trouble free
Everyone At the party is so lively and Im just an empty husk in the corner like A ghost sat watching in from the afterlife on the others who are actually allowed to live
Alot of them had their girls next to them or atleast their friends and family around them as far as I know they were genuinely enjoying themselves
I remember looking around at all of their smiles and being reminded of this scene from sopranos
If I was in hell then It was like being surrounded by a bunch of grotesque happy demons that were there only to punish me more
everyone there Without exaggeration mogged me and most of them weren't even special in the slightest
Even if some of them were slightly subhuman they were still NT and had social skills
At some point I got up to go to the bathroom to take a piss and have a slight break from it all
I remember leaving the stall to wash my hands and My gaze meeting the weird asymmetrical round eyes Kept behind my glasses in the reflection of the mirror
my strange ugly chudjak visage looking back at me in the mirror with annoyance and disappointment
I turned to leave and saw another mirror on the wall that I hadn’t noticed before
This time It was a full body mirror and I saw my weirdly small short framecel body reflected back at me as a reminder of my cursed state in life
It was like a wombo combo of brutality
After that I left the bathroom back into the 8th circle Of hell
A few hours In and I was questioning whether to just drink To make this shit more tolerable despite the Diazepam I had taken for my anxiety (which Didnt do shit btw)
I dont know much about diazepam and the doctor didnt tell me shit but from what I read online apparently mixing it with alcohol can kill you but this had became so boring and intolerable that I genuinely just thought to myself Id rather risk dying then put up with this shit sober
What they say about your perception of time moving quicker as you get older is definitely true
Im only 20 but Now it feels like months and years go by like nothing
But in this room it felt like time was moving as slow as possible
Until I drank A few ciders anyway
It definitely made it more tolerable
Time felt like it passed by alot quicker and It made me less annoyed about everything
Just become an alcoholic thoery
While Drinking I sat thinking About what everyones reactions would be If I just died right then and there and whether it would even effect anyone but I think you all know that no one would give a shit
They might be shocked at the time But that would be the end of it
Maybe my family would be a sad for a month and that would be it
The only one that would be genuinely effected would be my mum
Brutal
After I had a few drinks They started doing the speechs
These speechs were pretty entertaining from the BP perspective tbh
My sisters husbands dad comes up and starts talking about his life
I always knew this guy was higher class than me but I thought he was upper middle class I only just found it his family is much richer
I never realise he lifemogged me this brutally
I just found out these mfs Live in a fucking 14 bedroom house that was renovated from a hotel
I cant even imagine being that wealthy
Hes talking about all these countries they went to as a family how much fun they all had that type of shit
Going swimming in caves and shit like that and Im just imagining this Idyllic life like something out of an advertisement It sounds like this cunt had compared to what I had
The “holidays” I had were shitty Trips to my uncles house In wales where we did nothing
My parents constantly arguing while we slept in a shitty tent
And then going home so they could argue more
Then hes talking about The first time He played rugby and how he was so proud of him
The reason hes proud is because He knows his son even has the genetic potential to play a game like that
If I even tried I would genuinely end up coming out with a severe injury
It was genuinely so strange and brutal to see how nice his family situation was growing up
Most of the people I know where Im from had somewhat similar parental situations to me since I come from a low class area so its no surprise That relationships dont last when you don’t have money to even out the stresses coming from work and deteriorating looks on both sides
After his dad was done with his speech a few of each of their friends did one
The first one was by my sisters friend who I remember from my childhood
She was saying how she was happy my sister finally found a man she deserved and how her taste in men used to be “so bad” because they were all assholes
And you all know exactly what that means
I even remember one of my sisters bfs being a stereotypical chad with a muscle car
I dont remember exactly what the problem was but I remember that their relationship was pretty bad
But obviously she put up with it anyway because he was a chad
After that Was their old roommate who they had been friends with for 10 years
Fairly chill guy from what I remember from the only time I met him
Nothing that interesting happened in this speech but I thought it would be funny to mention that this guy Is a jbwMaxxer
He isnt ugly but he is fairly fat now and Im pretty sure before this girl he didnt really have any Gfs but Idk for sure
I think I remember hearing that he traveled to some asian country and met her there and then brought her here
I just remember near the start of the wedding seeing this confused looking asian girl walking around before she went up to stand with him
Up until that point I had completely forgotten that He was Jbwmaxxer
I thought that was pretty funny tbh you always see Bp thoerys happening before your eyes everywhere especially somewhere like a wedding
These places really arent meant for people like us
Even before I went there I knew this would be the equivalent of a humiliation ritual for someone like me but I still felt the need to go
The reason everyone else at a wedding is happy is because they can imagine themselves with their current partner in the future or even imagine themselves getting one in the future
they all know they have the potential to live normal lives
But Everyone around me including myself knows Someone like me will never get this
After the speeches It was my sisters husbands turn and Tbh I don’t remember exactly what he said probably the usual shit
“Ive waited so long for this “ “I cant wait to spend out future together with our child”
Thats one thing Ive neglected to mention up until now
My sister is 6/7 months pregnant
So while I rot in the corner they themselves are setting up their own idyllic future that I will never have
After that He started crying during the speech out of happiness everyone else kind of mocked him for it which was fair
Imagine anyone like us ever being that happy about anything
After that not much really happened it all started to die down a bit more
Theres probably alot more brutal things I could have mentioned that I either dont remember or didn’t notice but I guess all of that will go unknown now
After probably another hour we started to leave I had already said goodbye to my uncle Aswell as my other sister
they had left way earlier
I sort of said goodbye to my sister but she was too busy talking to some other people and At this point I had gotten sick of all of this shit So I just left out of annoyance without even saying goodbye to her properly
After What was like an eternity I felt the cold air of the night on my face
My cousin said goodbye to my Mum and her Bf and didnt even say anything to me before he left with his Gf
I didn’t care though I was too busy looking into the Moonlit sky thinking about how over it had always been like I always do
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