This was originally a response to this thread:
But it was very long and I strayed off topic a bit so I thought I'd make it a separate thread
Was raised a cultural christian, then went atheist edgelord at 12, then true christian at 19.
I did believe, but it was out of desperation. I'd look past all the things that didn't make sense, because I wanted to be a part of something. Religion was a building block of my identity. I wanted to be known as a christian. Christianity was a collective I wanted to belong to. Same goes for serbian nationalism. All in an attempt to become someone. I was devout too. I'd pray every morning and night, I'd whip myself over any 'sin' I've committed.
Then I started consuming blackpill and primitivist media on the internet. It all just made perfect sense, unlike my devotion to christianity which was entirely based on trust. Eventually the dam broke. I went full 180 on everything. From christian to agnostic. From nationalist to hating nationhood. From moralist to non-moralist. I felt betrayed. But in losing my make-believe christian-nationalist identity, I found myself. I am certain that only family can forge my identity. My ancestors and their actions determined a lot of my life for me. I am the embodiment of their efforts. My tribe can't be a global religion or a large nation full of strangers, my tribe is my flesh and blood.
I've become resentful of all the fakeness. All the coping. Why can't everyone be based in reality? Why do people pretend to be things they're not, why do they object you to their delusional beliefs and force you to fall in line? Civilization really bothers me now, pretty much everything about it.
Interesting observation I've made from my time as a christian. Any argument against Christianity, including arguments the current me would make, I would shut out and dismiss. I would latch onto the first counter-argument I'd read and accept it as fact. And still I thought I was very open minded and good-faith. I believed whatever I wanted to believe, even if it went against my own reason. It taught me an important lesson I'm thankful for - Trying to convince people of anything is pointless. No one wants their mind changed, as it challenges their identity. They go full protection mode and rather than defend their own position, they will poke holes in your position. It's not about being right, it's about the other party being wrong. Who knows, maybe I'm like this with primitivism right now. No argument could convince me against it. Belief can't be taught, it must come from experience.
Was raised a cultural christian, then went atheist edgelord at 12, then true christian at 19.
I did believe, but it was out of desperation. I'd look past all the things that didn't make sense, because I wanted to be a part of something. Religion was a building block of my identity. I wanted to be known as a christian. Christianity was a collective I wanted to belong to. Same goes for serbian nationalism. All in an attempt to become someone. I was devout too. I'd pray every morning and night, I'd whip myself over any 'sin' I've committed.
Then I started consuming blackpill and primitivist media on the internet. It all just made perfect sense, unlike my devotion to christianity which was entirely based on trust. Eventually the dam broke. I went full 180 on everything. From christian to agnostic. From nationalist to hating nationhood. From moralist to non-moralist. I felt betrayed. But in losing my make-believe christian-nationalist identity, I found myself. I am certain that only family can forge my identity. My ancestors and their actions determined a lot of my life for me. I am the embodiment of their efforts. My tribe can't be a global religion or a large nation full of strangers, my tribe is my flesh and blood.
I've become resentful of all the fakeness. All the coping. Why can't everyone be based in reality? Why do people pretend to be things they're not, why do they object you to their delusional beliefs and force you to fall in line? Civilization really bothers me now, pretty much everything about it.
Interesting observation I've made from my time as a christian. Any argument against Christianity, including arguments the current me would make, I would shut out and dismiss. I would latch onto the first counter-argument I'd read and accept it as fact. And still I thought I was very open minded and good-faith. I believed whatever I wanted to believe, even if it went against my own reason. It taught me an important lesson I'm thankful for - Trying to convince people of anything is pointless. No one wants their mind changed, as it challenges their identity. They go full protection mode and rather than defend their own position, they will poke holes in your position. It's not about being right, it's about the other party being wrong. Who knows, maybe I'm like this with primitivism right now. No argument could convince me against it. Belief can't be taught, it must come from experience.
