r/confessions
1mo ago
tawaymicaela
22F my hoe phase destroyed my life and I don’t know how to move forward.
I’m 22 now and I feel like my past is still ruining my chances at finding real love.
when I was 18, after a breakup, I got tired of being the "loving girlfriend" type. I started having casual hookups and quickly got hooked on the sex itself. It turned into something completely reckless. For almost 4 years I was sleeping with multiple different guys per week. I let them record me without caring about the consequences, I ended up having sex anywhere, in cars, public bathrooms, random spots I just stopped thinking, and these videos of me having sex, spread a lot in my city.
The worst part is that it eventually reached my little brother’s school (3 years younger than me). He got bullied and humiliated because of it. He’s 19 now and he still hates me. He barely talks to me, and I completely understand why. the guilt eats me alive i wish i was a better sister.
but anyway I’m done with that chapter of my life. I really want to settle down, find a good guy who loves me and build something serious. But whenever I’m honest about my past, guys immediately lose interest. My body count is in the triple digits… I know that’s a lot, I understand their reaction, but it still hurts.
I don’t wanna lie or hide my past and start a relationship on a lie but being fully transparent seems to make it almost impossible to find someone who can accept me, should I lie or downplay my past to give myself a real chance? Or should I stay completely honest and hope to find someone who can accept everything, even if it’s going to be really difficult?
I’m scared my mistakes from 18 to 22 are going to block me from ever having a normal relationship.