Venting My experience with Parasocial Infatuation / Oneitis

[Sir Silentium]

Not worth your time and energy. Best strategy imo is ask someone you already know and think might be interested.

I am still yet to find someone who is interested, not in a western country anyways

 

[Sir Silentium]

Same. I also don't watch porn because it's a reminder of what I don't have. It's a little disgusting too.

I don't understand how people can get enjoyment out of it, especially incels.

 

[Sir Silentium]

I might make a thread on strategies on how to overcome this, but whether it's actually going to work is another.

 

[Aventador]

I am still yet to find someone who is interested, not in a western country anyways

Thats sucks bro same here. You have to keep in mind that its a number game, and we have bad probability of success- but never zero. You never know, some get lucky.

 

[TheIncredibleIncel]

I will keep it as brief as I can, only stating the most important parts so the story makes sense.


At the start of August, I saw a short-form video of a girl on instagram reels. She looked very pretty and a bit like someone I used to know, but a much better looking version. I clicked on her profile and watched another reel of hers and I have never seen someone as better looking as her from my perspective. I ended up watching her 30 or so reels at the time over and over again that night, just struck by how she looked honestly. At the time I didn’t think much of it, but it ended up becoming a lot more intense than I expected.

Over the next few days I was constantly thinking about her, always re-watching her videos and day dreaming of scenarios of her and I, such as randomly finding her in public and talking to her. Over the next few weeks, it became apparent that I was getting too infatuated with her. I ended up being so obsessed that I found out her school, suburb, parents, friends, siblings, vacation destinations, practically everything that was available online. Around this time I was also granted access for her private profile on instagram. I was stuck going over her posts there for hours.

I began to think about her even more, constantly thinking about her throughout the day. It got to the point where it was interrupting my daily tasks I needed to complete. I even had frequent dreams about her, even waking up thinking they were real. This continued on for a few months, and I started to develop a routine that I would do most nights - I would watch the same 3 videos of her on repeat, then go onto her private profile and view the same few posts, only going to the end slide when the music was at the best part. I won't go into too much more detail about everything, but it was at its peak worst up until about the start of December 2025. From December until now I still kept thinking about her, but just a bit less.

Now this leads into the next part, recently I went over to look at her posts again and I just felt sick in the stomach, I almost threw up. Knowing how much time I had wasted obsessing over her for no reason. She has no idea who I even am, she isn't even in the same country as me. Even now I only find her attractive, and nobody else. Even women before who I would find very attractive I don't now. But women that kind of resemble her I second glance.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________



Looking back on it, I think part of the reason it became so intense is that every time I re-watched her videos I got a dopamine hit, which made me keep going back to her content. My nightly routine of watching the same videos probably reinforced the habit as well.

Over time my brain basically linked imagination with emotional attachment. In a way I trained my brain to focus on one person, which created a kind of “reference standard” in my head.

Looking back now, I realize the level of fixation wasn’t healthy and that most of what I was attached to was probably an idealized version of someone I don’t actually know — just the version shown on social media. I also think part of the reason it happened is that I’ve never really had much real-life interaction with women, so most of my exposure to attractive people has been through social media.

I’m trying to understand why my brain latched onto this so strongly and how to move past it.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________


Has anyone else experienced something like this before, especially from social media? If so, what helped you move past it?

@TheGrayWolf

Who was it that you were obsessed with?

 

[Sir Silentium]

Who was it that you were obsessed with?

DM?
Don't want everyone to know

 

[Sir Silentium]

Thats sucks bro same here. You have to keep in mind that its a number game, and we have bad probability of success- but never zero. You never know, some get lucky.

Yes, some of us have gotten very lucky indeed. But we have to also take into account that if we do end up 'ascending' there generally will be an outlying reason why:

They would like us for what we have, rather than what we are. What we bring to the table, it's pretty cucked.
You start to see it happen more with women and men 30yrs old+.


But actually getting lucky with a girl we find attractive and who has a mutual connection/love for us? Next to nothing sadly. And hypergamy is going to get worse.

 

[Aventador]

Yes, some of us have gotten very lucky indeed. But we have to also take into account that if we do end up 'ascending' there generally will be an outlying reason why:

They would like us for what we have, rather than what we are. What we bring to the table, it's pretty cucked.
You start to see it happen more with women and men 30yrs old+.


But actually getting lucky with a girl we find attractive and who has a mutual connection/love for us? Next to nothing sadly. And hypergamy is going to get worse.

Agreed, and not only hypergamy the competition is much harsher.
Almost everyone has a skincare routine, gym body, expensive clothes, expensive haircuts etc..

 

[Sir Silentium]

Agreed, and not only hypergamy the competition is much harsher.
Almost everyone has a skincare routine, gym body, expensive clothes, expensive haircuts etc..

With the average young normie maxxing out his stats, just to be with an ltb, we may as well not even try.

Women have to put it no effort at all.

 

[Aventador]

With the average young normie maxxing out his stats, just to be with an ltb, we may as well not even try.

Women have to put it no effort at all.

Agreed, can't blame anyone putting minimum or no effort.

 

[Sir Silentium]

Agreed, can't blame anyone putting minimum or no effort.

And even when we do put in the effort, the vast majority of us are still in the same boat

 

[Aventador]

And even when we do put in the effort, the vast majority of us are still in the same boat

The juice is simply not worth the squeeze.

However, do only whats best for you. If it means struggling than you should - only if it yields a positive outcome for you.

 

[Sir Silentium]

The juice is simply not worth the squeeze.

Well said

However, do only whats best for you. If it means struggling than you should - only if it yields a positive outcome for you.

Personally I believe everybody should have tried at least once in their life before they ldar, otherwise you never know what could have happened. Better to off a defeat than off regret.

 

[Aventador]

Well said


Personally I believe everybody should have tried at least once in their life before they ldar, otherwise you never know what could have happened. Better to off a defeat than off regret.

True, and I would even argue that we shouldn't limit ourselves to one try. If it's something you truely want, try and try again until you succeed. When you truly give it all you will have zero regrets.

 

[Sir Silentium]

True, and I would even argue that we shouldn't limit ourselves to one try. If it's something you truely want, try and try again until you succeed. When you truly give it all you will have zero regrets.

Try again and again, but there’s got to be a point where you put your foot down as continuing just isn’t worth the effort.

If we’ve done what we can for years and nothing has changed, then it would be insanity to continue.

The limit for everyone differs, but there comes a time where it just isn’t worth trying anymore, as you would be better off to spend your time on something else.

What do you think about that?

 

[Aventador]

Try again and again, but there’s got to be a point where you put your foot down as continuing just isn’t worth the effort.

If we’ve done what we can for years and nothing has changed, then it would be insanity to continue.

The limit for everyone differs, but there comes a time where it just isn’t worth trying anymore, as you would be better off to spend your time on something else.

What do you think about that?

I agree completely.
Lets for example take gym, with the intent to be a proffesional bodybuilder.

You put countless hours at the gym in the day, calculate your macros to single digit calories, take all the supplements in the world, etc..

And after years of this intense effort, you aren't even close to competition level.

Than yes, it would be a good time to give up. And perhaps lower the intesnity of your gym sessions. It wouldn't make sense to spend hours at the gym if you can get 80% of the results with 20% of the effort.

So to conclude:
If you have a dream spend at minimum half a year, trying to improve yourself in your chosen field.

- If you see major improvements, than yes keep going.
- if you see minor improvement, either you have major flaws in your plan, or maybe it's time to reconsider.

 

[Sir Silentium]

I agree completely.
Lets for example take gym, with the intent to be a proffesional bodybuilder.

You put countless hours at the gym in the day, calculate your macros to single digit calories, take all the supplements in the world, etc..

And after years of this intense effort, you aren't even close to competition level.

Than yes, it would be a good time to give up. And perhaps lower the intesnity of your gym sessions. It wouldn't make sense to spend hours at the gym if you can get 80% of the results with 20% of the effort.

There will always be someone who is genetically better, who puts in less effort but gets a better result.

So to conclude:
If you have a dream spend at minimum half a year, trying to improve yourself in your chosen field.

- If you see major improvements, than yes keep going.
- if you see minor improvement, either you have major flaws in your plan, or maybe it's time to reconsider.

Yes I agree

 

[Aventador]

There will always be someone who is genetically better, who puts in less effort but gets a better result.

I used to be so upset, on how im below average genetically when it comes to strength and building muscle.

It used to really depress me, but now im just at peace with it.

The faster you can accept that the world is unfair and unjust, the better your life will be.
Thats just mu take on it.

 

[Sir Silentium]

I used to be so upset, on how im below average genetically when it comes to strength and building muscle.

It used to really depress me, but now im just at peace with it.

I want to say I am completely at peace with it, but it still depresses me.

The faster you can accept that the world is unfair and unjust, the better your life will be.
Thats just mu take on it.

That's the truth, naturally we tend to dwell on it and what we have failed at, but honestly what can we do about it. The sooner we move on from all of this the better our quality of life with be. Of course it won't change the situation we are in, but takes the negatives off our mind.

 

[Aventador]

I want to say I am completely at peace with it, but it still depresses me.


That's the truth, naturally we tend to dwell on it and what we have failed at, but honestly what can we do about it. The sooner we move on from all of this the better our quality of life with be. Of course it won't change the situation we are in, but takes the negatives off our mind.

Exactly. We are both on the right path.
Have a blessed day.

 

[Sir Silentium]

Exactly. We are both on the right path.
Have a blessed day.

You to my friend