The worst part is, I have nobody else to share my experiences with, let alone a gf / wife. Not that foids actually care about such things. All they care about are resources.
I mean, I have a friend, in the USA of all places, but he is barely available nowadays.
He's into all kinds of trouble now. Crashed his car and needs another one, had several tumors, possibly actual cancer which he won't talk about with me, possibly divorced around a year ago and now loves on his own, I think.
Again, something that he has not talked about with me, but I assume this based on what we've been talking about recently.
So, he is very busy now with all kinds of problems, but he at least knows black pill truths and understands me. He knows that I am an incel and black pilled.
He is the only one so far who does not judge me.
I could have become a professional translator as I speak more than just English fluently. He talked me out of it when I was a young, impressionable and naive teen. He claimed that there was no money in it and ridiculed me, saying that I don't even speak these languages that well (English, Russian, Durch and French). I've also wanted to study Japanese and Arabic, tbh.
I could have alternatively pursued a career in IT, mainly hardware, but that he's talked me out of as well. Again, no money in it and he ridiculed me, even in front of others in public.
Then I've also been very into bicycles and wanted to become a mechanic in that field, also for motorcycles, but of course that was all bullshit, there was no money in it, again.
I was too young and also did not have the foresight and experience back then. That was exacerbated by the fact that I had barely left home, due to severe bullying.
I have barely made it out of home before turning 30, tbh.
Even there he tried to sabotage my decision.
He tried to make me doubt my decision. He still does, every now and then. He never had faith in me and never showed faith in me. He also never trusted any of my abilities.
I remember when a former co-worker of mine, who was always very helpful to me, for which I had repaid him royally, was about to leave the company and move back to his hometown.
I had wanted to borrow my mom's car only for the evening to have more space to transport two other co-workers more comfortably to the restaurant we'd eat together one last time.
My mom was ok with it and on the day I was about to get the car my father heard about it and wouldn't let me take it.
It's her car, btw.
He said that I'd get distracted by these guys and crash the car.
Mind you, I've borrowed this car before and always brought it back in one piece, unscathed and with a full tank of gas.
So, I have ended up driving there with my old little beater.
Not the end of the world, but it's about the lack of trust and faith in me that is eating at me, tbh.
There are so many more things. I am planing to tell him all of this, how much he has ruined me, my development and my life, because I know that it was my parents, but mainly him.
I have even been to rehab over this shit, not understanding where my depression came from.
There I have learned the truth by accident, really.
I've had several conversations with pretty good psychologists, I must say.
Basically I have severe personality disorders. Not just one, but several.
I have been strongly advised to stay away from my parents.
My problem is that without these fucks I'd have nobody. I'd be on my own.
My rehab's been some three years ago and I couldn't bring myself to cut ties.
