We all know what happened by now, but it bears repeating:
Today, if what's stated on his profile subheading is true, @Mickeyonacid took his own life, resulting in a permanent end to a lifetime of pain.
I joined this forum a day after he did, knowing ahead of time that between then and now, as had always been the case before, there would be casualties. Yet in my arrogance, I never considered the possibility that among those casualties, one of them would be him. From July of last year to the present day, I had become attached to a fair number of you, despite all of the flaws we've displayed, and the biting words we've exchanged towards ourselves and our detractors. Even then, despite dust ups and put downs (and the constant threat of being banned), I always felt welcomed here, something I never felt in the real world, and I've many a few friends, and found some heroes as well.
Without @FACEandLMS, I would have never found out the truth of looks theory, which - as I said days ago in an earlier post - had explained why I had experienced so much suffering from the pain of rejection. Who would have thought it was a product of never itself, a system to which we're all bound?
Then there's the incredible @MayorOfKekville, who's wise words led me to sign up here. Since then, I've come to see him as a grand Roshi; a wise teacher to anyone with the courage to lend an ear. From there, the powerful, life altering, and often painful truths shared by many a user had shaken me to the bone, forcing me to look at the world the way that it truly is, as opposed to how I wanted it to be.
And then there was Mickey.
There were certain users that I gravitated to, moved and amazed by their wise words, or drawn to laughter by their hilarious posts, and Mickey was one of those I held in highest esteem. I never liked Disney, but that didn't deter me from looking out for another post from Mickey after returning from a long day of work. He made me laugh many times, and made me think many times more. And yet, for that, I feel selfish. Ever since I was a child, I've been fond of life's big questions; the kind most shy away from. Maybe it was because I was never that smart in school, or because I could never reach the level of those I saw as Titans (Newton, von Neumann, Tesla, Da Vinci, Teller, etc). As such, absorbing knowledge, however painful, was still something I craved, and held in the highest esteem. I was so drunk on black pills, I didn't even take the time to notice how it was affecting others.
It makes me wish I hadn't taken leave of this forum last September, when I chose to pursue my own personal studies. "Perhaps all he needed was a friend," I want to tell myself, but my regrets are meaningless. What is done is done, and it can never be reversed. I had popped up a few months earlier, surprised to discover that in my absence, that Mickey had vowed to end his own life by the turn of the new year. I failed to talk him out of his choice, which was a mistake from the beginning. Despite my new found knowledge, I had no solutions to give Mickey, and I was foolish to think that I had any. A few days before today, I sent him my warmest apologies, which it appears he never got a chance to read.
It takes a very rare type of man - an Übermensch of sorts - to live a life without love, the kind that leads man and woman to union and our very existence, and continue to live unabated. Unfortunately, such fortitude, for many of us, is all but mere legend. We are still rooted in matter, and to deny our human needs, or to think we can escape them, is to deny our very humanity.
When Mickey's death drew near, I myself fell into suicidal depression. I've seen at least 4 incels take their lives, Mickey being the forth. I went to my local bookstore, trying to find some literature to justify my own existence. I knew that to live is to suffer, but apart of me stared the ultimate truth in the face, and I backed off to try and find another option. I thought about death; removing myself from a life of sorrow that I didn't even ask for. Someone even recommended I write a book on my views, but what could I possibly have to say that would be of any use? That depression lasted until today, as none of my artificial remedies had helped.
And that's when it finally hit me; Mickey was truly the strong one all along, not me.
I came to this community, looking for someone to lean on for support. Mickey on the other hand, stood all on his one, and didn't come crawling for crutches. I wavered, trying to find hope in a world that offers none, while trying to convince myself that there was more I could do. Mickey embraced the truth, and in solemn determination, made the ultimate decision, refusing all copes to make any excuses. A warrior always keeps his word, and he stood by his choice until the very end.
Like the Gladiator, Hugo Danner, he defied the world, and paid the ultimate price in full. In your moments of contemplation, ask yourself: How many men could do the same? I wager very few. He bowed out of a life that had given him so little, making his life the best example of the time proven principle: the best way to win the game, is not to play.
That is true strength. In his final moments, he defied every fibre of the nature of man, and embraced the eternity, never to suffer again.
Goodbye Mickey, and thank you, for teaching us true strength in your devoted affirmation
