How much strong masculine influence have you had in your life? Was your father an oofy doofy too? My parents were together until I was 12, but my father was almost never home. We barely talked and the only time we did talk was usually when he'd discipline and beat me for some bullshit.
I had NEGATIVE male influence in my life. I had no uncles, no cousins, no grandparents, just a mom who set me up for failure from day 1 (see my retarded mother story here.) and a dad who was never home and never bonded with me. I only had three aunts who still never married and have no kids and a crippled grandmother who I never saw. I recall my mother and my aunt driving me somewhere and talking about how men are pigs and how I'll hopefully not grow up to be like them (she doesnt want me to grow up and be a chad).
All of my male classmates growing up participated in sports and formed strong bonds with others on the field, they started hunting with their families when they were young and learned how to skin and process the animal and they went fishing and stuff like that. They got into fights, they learned how to take jokes, they had "locker room talk", they beefed, squabbled, and all the other normal young boy things.
I never did any of this. Never was put in any sports. (If your parents dont put you in sports in elementary/middle school, its too late to join in high school when you start forming your own thoughts and ideas and know whats good for you) Never went hunting. No fishing. I just played on my nintendo DS, played with legos, then eventually got a computer and rotted on there until right now. Any sort of criticism I receive makes me want to curl up and cry. I don't get angry, just sad. On the playground, I would play with ants in the dirt and watch caterpillars in the trees and sit alone on the swingset while all the other boys played flag football. It's just very sad looking back how much I missed out on.
I like to think that if I formed these strong male bonds with my father and my peers when I was younger I would be different. I would somehow be neurotypical and not a social outcast.
I had NEGATIVE male influence in my life. I had no uncles, no cousins, no grandparents, just a mom who set me up for failure from day 1 (see my retarded mother story here.) and a dad who was never home and never bonded with me. I only had three aunts who still never married and have no kids and a crippled grandmother who I never saw. I recall my mother and my aunt driving me somewhere and talking about how men are pigs and how I'll hopefully not grow up to be like them (she doesnt want me to grow up and be a chad).
All of my male classmates growing up participated in sports and formed strong bonds with others on the field, they started hunting with their families when they were young and learned how to skin and process the animal and they went fishing and stuff like that. They got into fights, they learned how to take jokes, they had "locker room talk", they beefed, squabbled, and all the other normal young boy things.
I never did any of this. Never was put in any sports. (If your parents dont put you in sports in elementary/middle school, its too late to join in high school when you start forming your own thoughts and ideas and know whats good for you) Never went hunting. No fishing. I just played on my nintendo DS, played with legos, then eventually got a computer and rotted on there until right now. Any sort of criticism I receive makes me want to curl up and cry. I don't get angry, just sad. On the playground, I would play with ants in the dirt and watch caterpillars in the trees and sit alone on the swingset while all the other boys played flag football. It's just very sad looking back how much I missed out on.
I like to think that if I formed these strong male bonds with my father and my peers when I was younger I would be different. I would somehow be neurotypical and not a social outcast.
