Today was my last day of high school.
People were crying because they thought they might be seeing their friends for the last time. But not me. I remained stoic. After all, it has been a horrible experience from the very beginning.
I spent years watching people just like me achieve everything I wished I had: a girlfriend, a friend group, a future that looked bright. And now, on one side, my mind tells me: “It’s finally over. The suffering is behind you.”
But then I think about next year. I’m going to university… and what if it’s the same? What if it’s even worse?
When I was in middle school, people told me: “High school will be better.” Now that I’m leaving high school, they tell me: “The next years will be better.”
When I was younger, I thought the peak of life was somewhere between 16 and 18. Now it seems like everyone says it’s between 18 and 22.
But I don’t believe them anymore.
There is no “getting better”. Nothing in my life has ever truly changed. I just feel like I sink deeper every single day.
Today, some “normal” people asked me to sign their shirts or something. They were asking everyone in the class “so we can remember each other,” they said.
It’s almost funny.
They never cared about me the entire year. They never noticed my existence. They never saw anything unique about me.
To them, I was just NPC number 18047.
And if I disappeared one night, they probably wouldn’t even notice.
So tell me what was your experience after high school? Do you have any advice? Anything you could give me?
People were crying because they thought they might be seeing their friends for the last time. But not me. I remained stoic. After all, it has been a horrible experience from the very beginning.
I spent years watching people just like me achieve everything I wished I had: a girlfriend, a friend group, a future that looked bright. And now, on one side, my mind tells me: “It’s finally over. The suffering is behind you.”
But then I think about next year. I’m going to university… and what if it’s the same? What if it’s even worse?
When I was in middle school, people told me: “High school will be better.” Now that I’m leaving high school, they tell me: “The next years will be better.”
When I was younger, I thought the peak of life was somewhere between 16 and 18. Now it seems like everyone says it’s between 18 and 22.
But I don’t believe them anymore.
There is no “getting better”. Nothing in my life has ever truly changed. I just feel like I sink deeper every single day.
Today, some “normal” people asked me to sign their shirts or something. They were asking everyone in the class “so we can remember each other,” they said.
It’s almost funny.
They never cared about me the entire year. They never noticed my existence. They never saw anything unique about me.
To them, I was just NPC number 18047.
And if I disappeared one night, they probably wouldn’t even notice.
So tell me what was your experience after high school? Do you have any advice? Anything you could give me?
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