Maybe some of you can relate to this but i will just share whats been on my mind lately.
So today i had the realization that the job i wanted and studied for is way out of reach for me because my GPA wont cut it. I messed up a lot along the way and didn't help i would often have depression taking my mind away from my studies but it was my fault. Anyways now i will most likely end up stuck with a meme bachelor's degree which i will probably not be able to do jack shit with it. For those curious i wont say what i wanted to do or what i studied but i kind of got thrusted into college without me really wanting to. I never really had any passion for anything in particular and i just got directed to what i should do by my parents/family. Maybe some of you guys will relate to this but i was a young kid at that time, i didn't know what i wanted to do with my life nor fully grasped it.
Suffice to say i had a breakdown over this realization because i felt like i wasted everyones time and i let everyone down including myself. I calmed down after i coped with the knowledge that dream job or not i still had a bachelor and that was worth something. On top of that i also came to the conclusion that i have to find a gf... I reached this because i thought about everything that will happen to me once i graduate, it will just be me and the streets nothing else. I thought of all the time wasted in college and how it might all end up being for nothing and have to go to a job i may not like. If i could just come back home to a girl who loves me and cares for me i dont care if i have to end up shoveling shit because it will all be for something. I don't wanna be alone and i at least want to accomplish one fucking thing before i leave the school and that is to find someone. This is perhaps my last chance as the campus has a lot of women my age...
You know i never fully understood why people commit suicide but now i do. It is a feeling of no escape, of all your decisions coming back and seeing no way out. Of all the opportunities not taken and the chances gone to waste. It is awful
So today i had the realization that the job i wanted and studied for is way out of reach for me because my GPA wont cut it. I messed up a lot along the way and didn't help i would often have depression taking my mind away from my studies but it was my fault. Anyways now i will most likely end up stuck with a meme bachelor's degree which i will probably not be able to do jack shit with it. For those curious i wont say what i wanted to do or what i studied but i kind of got thrusted into college without me really wanting to. I never really had any passion for anything in particular and i just got directed to what i should do by my parents/family. Maybe some of you guys will relate to this but i was a young kid at that time, i didn't know what i wanted to do with my life nor fully grasped it.
Suffice to say i had a breakdown over this realization because i felt like i wasted everyones time and i let everyone down including myself. I calmed down after i coped with the knowledge that dream job or not i still had a bachelor and that was worth something. On top of that i also came to the conclusion that i have to find a gf... I reached this because i thought about everything that will happen to me once i graduate, it will just be me and the streets nothing else. I thought of all the time wasted in college and how it might all end up being for nothing and have to go to a job i may not like. If i could just come back home to a girl who loves me and cares for me i dont care if i have to end up shoveling shit because it will all be for something. I don't wanna be alone and i at least want to accomplish one fucking thing before i leave the school and that is to find someone. This is perhaps my last chance as the campus has a lot of women my age...
You know i never fully understood why people commit suicide but now i do. It is a feeling of no escape, of all your decisions coming back and seeing no way out. Of all the opportunities not taken and the chances gone to waste. It is awful
