I've reached a new low of autism. I went to my grandma's today. I was there for about 2 hours, had dinner. I think I said a total of 6 sentances. I can't talk to her. She is super talkative, she says every thought she has out loud. Every 20 seconds she would say something new, and I just can't respond. I have nothing to say.. Also keeping eye contact with my family has also been getting harder, I used to not think about it at all. I feel bad for her, and my family in general, they probably think I'm cold to them because I resent them. I feel no connection to any of them, they just feel like people who have been forced to interact with me my whole life. I can tell they love me, but whenever they try to show any affection towards me, I cringe hard.
Uni was the only place I would have any social interactions, but in Serbia, where I'm from, there are protests going on right now. My uni has been off for over 2 months, and I haven't interacted with a single person outside of my family and retail workers. If I can't talk to my grandma, how am I going to interact with normies at uni, and later at a job. I think I've passed the point of no return, I'm wondering if it's truly over for me.
I've also grown lazy. I'm a good student, without much effort, I have a great memory and pattern recognition which is good for my field. But any desire I've had for completing uni is gone, after two months of semi-NEETing I just don't care about it anymore. It's times like these that I wish I was an orphan, so I could just disappear and go to the woods somewhere, without destroying my family.
Uni was the only place I would have any social interactions, but in Serbia, where I'm from, there are protests going on right now. My uni has been off for over 2 months, and I haven't interacted with a single person outside of my family and retail workers. If I can't talk to my grandma, how am I going to interact with normies at uni, and later at a job. I think I've passed the point of no return, I'm wondering if it's truly over for me.
I've also grown lazy. I'm a good student, without much effort, I have a great memory and pattern recognition which is good for my field. But any desire I've had for completing uni is gone, after two months of semi-NEETing I just don't care about it anymore. It's times like these that I wish I was an orphan, so I could just disappear and go to the woods somewhere, without destroying my family.
