This is my first post on this site. I just want to vent a bit. Please excuse my retarded sentences. I don't talk a lot so I struggle with writing too.
I was 240 pounds until June. I've been fat my whole life. But I was ready to lose it all this summer. I was going to follow a strict diet, work out and start college as a handsome boy. At least I thought I was. Then, in the middle of June, in my cousins apartment, I discovered the term "incel". After that day, everything has changed.
I started to browse r/Braincels. It was pretty fun at first. It had funny memes, even funnier comments. I also had learned the lingo at that point. Then I realized I had all the subhuman traits they claimed to have. A weak chin. Short. Wide nose. Shitty hairline. Acne. I started to see myself differently. I realized how foolish I was. I realized how UGLY I was. I couldn't even follow a proper diet. I just restricted my calories and lost 40 pounds. I don't look any better. Sometimes I wish I never found that sub. I could at least fool myself somehow and continue living. But I don't want to now. I smoke 2 packs a day and listen to some shitty music all day long thinking about what I can do. Will surgery and weight loss help me? Do I look like a normal human being? Am I too short (5'7")? These are the questions that roam in my mind. I love seeing dreams and I remember almost all of them. But they started to turn into nightmares. I'm always reminded of how bad I look compared to everyone else in them. I can't possibly explain how sad that makes me feel. I just started college and the guys in my class look very normal. I look like a total shit compared to them. Something inside of me dies whenever I go to class. Why do I have to suffer this much? What did I do to deserve this? It's not like I chose to look like this for fucks sake.
I'll turn 18 in 5 days. My family is very sad that I think I'm ugly. But they're ready to do whatever they can to support me financially for surgeries. I don't know what surgery to get though. I got braces and an apparatus last month to fix my underbite. Luckily I won't have to get double jaw surgery because it isn't so severe. I would be happy if any of you could help me about which surgeries I should have. I just wanted to get these out of my chest. Thanks for reading.
I was 240 pounds until June. I've been fat my whole life. But I was ready to lose it all this summer. I was going to follow a strict diet, work out and start college as a handsome boy. At least I thought I was. Then, in the middle of June, in my cousins apartment, I discovered the term "incel". After that day, everything has changed.
I started to browse r/Braincels. It was pretty fun at first. It had funny memes, even funnier comments. I also had learned the lingo at that point. Then I realized I had all the subhuman traits they claimed to have. A weak chin. Short. Wide nose. Shitty hairline. Acne. I started to see myself differently. I realized how foolish I was. I realized how UGLY I was. I couldn't even follow a proper diet. I just restricted my calories and lost 40 pounds. I don't look any better. Sometimes I wish I never found that sub. I could at least fool myself somehow and continue living. But I don't want to now. I smoke 2 packs a day and listen to some shitty music all day long thinking about what I can do. Will surgery and weight loss help me? Do I look like a normal human being? Am I too short (5'7")? These are the questions that roam in my mind. I love seeing dreams and I remember almost all of them. But they started to turn into nightmares. I'm always reminded of how bad I look compared to everyone else in them. I can't possibly explain how sad that makes me feel. I just started college and the guys in my class look very normal. I look like a total shit compared to them. Something inside of me dies whenever I go to class. Why do I have to suffer this much? What did I do to deserve this? It's not like I chose to look like this for fucks sake.
I'll turn 18 in 5 days. My family is very sad that I think I'm ugly. But they're ready to do whatever they can to support me financially for surgeries. I don't know what surgery to get though. I got braces and an apparatus last month to fix my underbite. Luckily I won't have to get double jaw surgery because it isn't so severe. I would be happy if any of you could help me about which surgeries I should have. I just wanted to get these out of my chest. Thanks for reading.
