So, all I did for a couple of days or even weeks was being in my room, wasting away my time on the Internet.
I took many pics of myself each day. I once was anxious of taking pics, now I'm addicted to it. I hate the way I look, but I just got to take pics to make sure my bones haven't gotten any worse.
I deluded myself into thinking that I'm not that ugly. Looksmax.org partly was part of making me that delusional. The lowest I got rated on there was a 4.5, which is only slightly below average.
I genuinely started to believe I don't have incel-tier looks.
Today I went outside feeling pretty good about myself. I didn't feel ridiculously ugly.
Suddenly, reality hit hard. Young men were cringing about me, women gave me disgusted looks and a male cashier was unfriendly to me for no reason. I went outside to get a haircut. I realized how much I hate human beings really. I can't stand their existence. I'd like to, but their behavior towards me makes me get rid of my own morals, positivity and furthermore will to be part of society.
Being annoyed of these humans I had to face, I get home and my mom tells me that I look like a professor or a pastor. This is so insulting as both of these kind of people are perceived as asexual ugly men.
Furthermore she tells my stance is like my father's which makes me look gay.
I didn't ask for her opinion, she told me anyway. I was visibly hurt. She wanted to hug me, I refused.
I am confused. I don't know how people perceive me. I want to be a man, but I can't be perceived as one due to my looks. Due to my genetic inferiority in comparison to other males.
Several girls told me they could picture me as a serial killer. Some see me as a clown. Some see me as that weird ugly shy kid. Some see me as that person who shouldn't be alive.
I was happy when I didn't feel ugly for a few days. It made me happy and energized. It made me want to pursue my goals.
Now my confidence is shattered again because reality is harsher than I thought. I was delusional for a moment and it always hits hard when I get a reality check.
Too bad I'm invited to a birthday party today. The day could not be worse. My confidence will hit an all time low this evening.
Being told I look like a pastor or professor? I wont accept that insult. I'll do anything to prove them wrong. If it means I need to get my face tattooed, need to take steroids and paint my eye balls black, I'll fucking do it. I won't leave this earth before I have not changed my stupid looks.
I took many pics of myself each day. I once was anxious of taking pics, now I'm addicted to it. I hate the way I look, but I just got to take pics to make sure my bones haven't gotten any worse.
I deluded myself into thinking that I'm not that ugly. Looksmax.org partly was part of making me that delusional. The lowest I got rated on there was a 4.5, which is only slightly below average.
I genuinely started to believe I don't have incel-tier looks.
Today I went outside feeling pretty good about myself. I didn't feel ridiculously ugly.
Suddenly, reality hit hard. Young men were cringing about me, women gave me disgusted looks and a male cashier was unfriendly to me for no reason. I went outside to get a haircut. I realized how much I hate human beings really. I can't stand their existence. I'd like to, but their behavior towards me makes me get rid of my own morals, positivity and furthermore will to be part of society.
Being annoyed of these humans I had to face, I get home and my mom tells me that I look like a professor or a pastor. This is so insulting as both of these kind of people are perceived as asexual ugly men.
Furthermore she tells my stance is like my father's which makes me look gay.
I didn't ask for her opinion, she told me anyway. I was visibly hurt. She wanted to hug me, I refused.
I am confused. I don't know how people perceive me. I want to be a man, but I can't be perceived as one due to my looks. Due to my genetic inferiority in comparison to other males.
Several girls told me they could picture me as a serial killer. Some see me as a clown. Some see me as that weird ugly shy kid. Some see me as that person who shouldn't be alive.
I was happy when I didn't feel ugly for a few days. It made me happy and energized. It made me want to pursue my goals.
Now my confidence is shattered again because reality is harsher than I thought. I was delusional for a moment and it always hits hard when I get a reality check.
Too bad I'm invited to a birthday party today. The day could not be worse. My confidence will hit an all time low this evening.
Being told I look like a pastor or professor? I wont accept that insult. I'll do anything to prove them wrong. If it means I need to get my face tattooed, need to take steroids and paint my eye balls black, I'll fucking do it. I won't leave this earth before I have not changed my stupid looks.
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at an early age as to work on REAL self-improvement like extensive PS if that can help or at the very least to LDAR effectively. Too many guys waste their teens and early 20s 
