2025 was a year where I sincerely tried to be open to new opportunities… I tried to get more involved at college, joining a club (that I quit because I was bad at the activity), and making an actual friend in one of my classes (he graduated and then immediately ghosted me). I also tried asking out a member of my summer intern cohort (she rejected me and I lost contact with everyone else in the cohort).
Ok so maybe I didn't actually try that hard, or maybe these outcomes were inevitable. Nothing really ever worked out for me outside the formulaic world of academics anyway. But the thing that really got me, was finding out through online investigation that a girl who I essentially made a oneitis had an ideal HS boyfriend relationship. Discovering this a few days before New Year's was like a resounding slap in the face to all my attempts at the normie life: it doesn't matter, so don't even try
And honestly, that might be true. The boyfriend of the girl I liked had already won at life in HS. Here I am nearing the end of college, still coping about experiencing a sliver of "young love" — but so much time is already drained. How am I supposed to recreate the beautiful HS/college memories of studying together, going to parties, walks on the campus, etc. with a dating pool of post-college near-hags? (current agecuck discourse means basically everything 22 and under is off limits upon graduation). Past a certain point, you can't recreate social dynamics and key developmental experiences, and I am going to have to find things to keep filling that void for the rest of my life.
Ok so maybe I didn't actually try that hard, or maybe these outcomes were inevitable. Nothing really ever worked out for me outside the formulaic world of academics anyway. But the thing that really got me, was finding out through online investigation that a girl who I essentially made a oneitis had an ideal HS boyfriend relationship. Discovering this a few days before New Year's was like a resounding slap in the face to all my attempts at the normie life: it doesn't matter, so don't even try
And honestly, that might be true. The boyfriend of the girl I liked had already won at life in HS. Here I am nearing the end of college, still coping about experiencing a sliver of "young love" — but so much time is already drained. How am I supposed to recreate the beautiful HS/college memories of studying together, going to parties, walks on the campus, etc. with a dating pool of post-college near-hags? (current agecuck discourse means basically everything 22 and under is off limits upon graduation). Past a certain point, you can't recreate social dynamics and key developmental experiences, and I am going to have to find things to keep filling that void for the rest of my life.
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