Deleted member 33216
Every cope has an end
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- Joined
- Feb 27, 2021
- Posts
- 2,055
Jordan Peterson says “the deeper the abyss, the brighter the light”. For a while I believed in that. It sounded great, it gave me this sense of meaning in life. It made me feel like everything is possible. Because it says that you can essentially get out of any bad situation. Unfortunately, reality doesn't work that way. Sometimes things don’t get better. They often get worse. And deluding ourselves into thinking that we can get out of any predicament only adds fuel to the fire when our plans collapse in front of or eyes. Generally, people who are full of false hope sink into deep depression once shit hits the fan. But I’m not better off, I’m fucking miserable. I’m at a point in my life where nothing holds any meaning anymore. Having a high paying job, climbing the social hierarchy, or finding a life partner mean nothing to me. Absolutely nothing. But it wasn’t always that way. I can still remember the times where I coveted those things.
I remember when I was a kid I used to tell the adults around me that when I grow up I want to have beautiful wife and couple of kids by my side . I also remember saying that I wanted to be successful. So what has changed? Was all that rambling just the naivety of a child? No, it sadness me to say that this wasn’t just a naive child talking because I stayed that way well into my early 20s. Maybe I was naive back then too, I don’t know. I still kind of am as I’m driving myself to insanity with this redundant overthinking, but fuck it. I hope it pushes me over the cliff. Anyhow, back then I was living completely alone, spending most of my time in my room either studying or reading something. And eventually all that studying has paid off. But for what? Why find a high paying job? Why travel? What’s the point of all that stuff? It was about this time that I descended into nihilistic state of being and realised that life holds no inherent meaning. Nothing we do matters. All the things we do and hold dear are ultimately worthless. Once our brain dies, all those things we valued and loved will cease to hold any value. They might still exist but they won’t mean anything to us since we won’t be there to consciously experience them or to attach a meaning to them. So why bother? What’s the point of this life? I guess we’re here simply because we’re here. We’re just here, just like plants and mountains are. When one reaches this nihilistic state of mind, one has nothing to lose. Life ceases to have meaning which renders death equivalent to living. I didn’t want things to be that way.
After all, I’m still human. I still have an innate, indissoluble urge to socialise and be around others. Fighting against that urge means fighting against everything that’s human. Is going against our nature wrong? Objectively, no. Subjectively however, one can argue that we’re only harming ourselves by doing so. And it is true. But does it matter? What if I’m a masochist? Am I? I mean, what’s the worst case scenario — death? Who cares. Life isn’t that great to begin with. I honestly don’t know why some people cling to life that much. I think some people are just good at living an illusion. How can one be happy in such a place? Life has nothing to offer. What do people covet the most? Money? Sexual pleasure? Maybe I’m just a coping retard, but nothing seems appealing anymore. Am I losing my mind or has life lost its magic? I think my mental issues are acting up again, hence the schizo rambling. I think JP is way off with this quote; I think sometimes you’re fucked beyond repair and there’s no way out. I feel like a miner who’s got buried by rocks in some tunnel underground. The sun doesn’t even get through the cracks in the rocks. So he’s left there to rot in utter darkness until he kills himself, either by jabbing his pickaxe into his head or due to starvation. I’m just sick of life. Shit never gets better. If anything, it gets worse.
I remember when I was a kid I used to tell the adults around me that when I grow up I want to have beautiful wife and couple of kids by my side . I also remember saying that I wanted to be successful. So what has changed? Was all that rambling just the naivety of a child? No, it sadness me to say that this wasn’t just a naive child talking because I stayed that way well into my early 20s. Maybe I was naive back then too, I don’t know. I still kind of am as I’m driving myself to insanity with this redundant overthinking, but fuck it. I hope it pushes me over the cliff. Anyhow, back then I was living completely alone, spending most of my time in my room either studying or reading something. And eventually all that studying has paid off. But for what? Why find a high paying job? Why travel? What’s the point of all that stuff? It was about this time that I descended into nihilistic state of being and realised that life holds no inherent meaning. Nothing we do matters. All the things we do and hold dear are ultimately worthless. Once our brain dies, all those things we valued and loved will cease to hold any value. They might still exist but they won’t mean anything to us since we won’t be there to consciously experience them or to attach a meaning to them. So why bother? What’s the point of this life? I guess we’re here simply because we’re here. We’re just here, just like plants and mountains are. When one reaches this nihilistic state of mind, one has nothing to lose. Life ceases to have meaning which renders death equivalent to living. I didn’t want things to be that way.
After all, I’m still human. I still have an innate, indissoluble urge to socialise and be around others. Fighting against that urge means fighting against everything that’s human. Is going against our nature wrong? Objectively, no. Subjectively however, one can argue that we’re only harming ourselves by doing so. And it is true. But does it matter? What if I’m a masochist? Am I? I mean, what’s the worst case scenario — death? Who cares. Life isn’t that great to begin with. I honestly don’t know why some people cling to life that much. I think some people are just good at living an illusion. How can one be happy in such a place? Life has nothing to offer. What do people covet the most? Money? Sexual pleasure? Maybe I’m just a coping retard, but nothing seems appealing anymore. Am I losing my mind or has life lost its magic? I think my mental issues are acting up again, hence the schizo rambling. I think JP is way off with this quote; I think sometimes you’re fucked beyond repair and there’s no way out. I feel like a miner who’s got buried by rocks in some tunnel underground. The sun doesn’t even get through the cracks in the rocks. So he’s left there to rot in utter darkness until he kills himself, either by jabbing his pickaxe into his head or due to starvation. I’m just sick of life. Shit never gets better. If anything, it gets worse.
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