Venting Dread OCD

[Misogynist Vegeta]

For long time now i haven't really been playing that many games, I've just browsed the internet and occasionally might play a game for an hour or so. I kinda have given up on gaming alone because of OCD that cripples my experience, i get bothered by weirdest little details. I fixate on them for absoutely no reason and get bothered that they aren't up to some standard that my mind has set for myself.

Lately i've been trying to play video games more often to maybe fight back against my own OCD, I figure that my mind wasn't always like this and that prehaps i have sub-consequently trained myself to fixate on those details. So i've playing games to fight back against and for awhile it seems i'm fine and that i reverted myself to my pre 2020 form in which nothing in game ever bothered me but then a slow sinking feeling of dread overwhelms me. I start thinking what's gonna bother me next, what little detail will I hype fixate upon? This feeling isn't unique to video games but feels most common their as my old life pre my OCD going into overdrive i used to play video games for long periods of time.

Another thing standing in the way of my ability to cope, The dread of that cope no longer being effective and it's not without an warrant as I've had my fairshare of times lately where the OCD kicked on overdrive. I wish it was so simple as normalfags believe, if i could take pills to have my OCD vanish than my mood would improve as i'd be able to dive head first into my copes once again, If only taking to a therapist would magically heal of all my mental aliments. It might become easier to cope with a life all alone.

I'd go back to my pre 2020, a loner who autistically enjoyed many different video games. relatively unbothered by my lack of romantic success because my copes were mostly working, sure i had times where the loneliness punched through anyways but it has never been as bad as it is now.

 

[zd60]

Wow you explained quite well how I feel a bit its a horrible experience idk really when I started feeling like this but it comes and goes for me at random and usually always comes stronger and stronger drives me insane

 

[Fantasea]

my mental illness also cockblocks me from gaming. i just blast music. good luck tho.

 

[lowz1r]

I went through quite a similar experience as you. except after the OCD came and tortured me for 3 years I just kind of adapted to it and it's almost fully gone now. I guess I got really lucky without kikepills or thERapy.

But I can relate to this. For example, my OCD was so retarded that some days I would completely LDAR instead of watching a movie or playing a game because I thought I wasn't in a good enough state of mind to start it or that everything had to be perfect that day for me to do anything JFL.

 

[Jar Jar Binks]

OCD is more debilitating than people realize, gaming has always been my primary way to cope and OCD has made it much harder to play video games without constantly being frustrated

 

[メンヘラ]

I wish it was so simple as normalfags believe, if i could take pills to have my OCD vanish than my mood would improve as i'd be able to dive head first into my copes once again, If only taking to a therapist would magically heal of all my mental aliments. It might become easier to cope with a life all alone.

I'd go back to my pre 2020, a loner who autistically enjoyed many different video games. relatively unbothered by my lack of romantic success because my copes were mostly working, sure i had times where the loneliness punched through anyways but it has never been as bad as it is now.

OCD is more debilitating than people realize, gaming has always been my primary way to cope and OCD has made it much harder to play video games without constantly being frustrated

I always thought that OCD was a stupid shit like those movies characters scared of getting germs but now that I'm going through that shit I know it's totally destructive. I feel the same as you guys, with my copes and interests destroyed by that disease. I can't even get school work done because of it and watch anime became a pain somehow

 

[Jar Jar Binks]

I always thought that OCD was a stupid shit like those movies characters scared of getting germs but now that I'm going through that shit I know it's totally destructive. I feel the same as you guys, with my copes and interests destroyed by that disease. I can't even get school work done because of it and watch anime became a pain somehow

Yes, it sucks the fun out of everything. Any color I still saw in the world was taken away the day my OCD started kicking in. I must've been around 11 or 12 when I started noticing it but I'm pretty sure it's been festering for longer than that. When it was at it's worst, I genuinely considered suicide every single day because it was that unbearable. I spent every waking moment washing my hands, to the point that my hands were bleeding. I felt like a war was raging in my head between me and my own brain at all times, and I was losing ground everyday. My emotions were all over the place, I'd go from crying, sobbing my eyes out and only stopping once I realized that nobody would answer my plight, that I was in this alone, that I had to face this fate worse than death no matter what I did and that crying was pointless. Then I'd get furious and start punching the wall until my hands would bleed. As far as diseases of the mind go, OCD is genuinely one of the worst diseases or illnesses of the mind, and what makes it so much worse is that nobody cares

 

[WastedPotential]

Wow you explained quite well how I feel a bit its a horrible experience idk really when I started feeling like this but it comes and goes for me at random and usually always comes stronger and stronger drives me insane

I think games just aren't that novel anymore as you get older too.

Maybe it's a natural thing and we have to find new copes.

Brutal.