I feel like venting , i feel like writing what comes to my mind ,
will probably just be another edgy wall of text , some kind of knockoff philosophical bullshit cope , i dont know , lets see .
Lets open our heart chakra , go into our cave and find our power animal .
You dont have to read the rambling i write , just share for yourself .
what comes to your mind , how youre feeling right now , just go for it and see what you end up with .
Dont think about it twice , just click on the reply button .
Like anonymous alcoholics , aight imma go first .
Hi , Im Jack .
And i feel like shit 24/7 , cause all my copes are used up and it sucks to face reality .
im literally stuck in a loop , doing the same shit over and over again and still my brain tells me theres hope
still expecting things to change
having deja vu 3 times a day , everyday exactly the same , timidly rotting away
and with each round in this loop ,
my brain gets more and more atrophied ,
like a muscle you never use ,
cause why would i need to use my brain if i do the same shit every single fucking day for years on end .
i guess humans need conversations with real people ,
they need to have themselves be reflected in the eyes of another person , so to speak .
Getting feedback , be it positive or negative ,
just satisfying this monkey in our heads .
Social stimulation , sharing stories or even feeling the touch of another person .
I guess thats natural , that comes naturally as a part of a normal life .. i guess .
All i have left is to live vicariously through someone else ,
through the reality someone else created ,
movies or music or whatever , youtube videos idk .
The Illusion of Friendship ,
The Illusion of Company , tricking your brain into feeling satisfied , but never fully .
Like deep down it knows that its not enough .
And the remaining doubt is silenced by drugs , patched over by addiction .. weakness .
Maybe it isnt the Jews fault or the fault of anybody really ,
maybe capitalism has become some kind of entity that feeds itself , that fuels itself ,
a giant machine that runs by itself after being fed and polished for centuries , without a human being in control of it .
And still it rules us all , since the industrial revolution , influencing every single aspect of Life , trimming it down , optimizing it ,
to make it efficient , even when it doesnt seem to be .
What do you see , when you look at lonely , depressed people ?
I see profit .
I see a TV being sold for every single person instead of just one for a whole family .
I see Mental Illness , feeding the pharma industry , creating jobs , therapists , caretakers , institutions , clinics and so on .
I see people immersing themselves into dream worlds to run away from reality , videogames , movies , pornography .
I see them immersing themselves into the Reality that someone else created instead of creating their own .
Miserable people who live unnatural lives , those are the best kind of consumers .
Eating junk food that makes us sick , addicted to everything under the sun .
Just Zombies , Casino Zombies ,
sitting there and gambling life away for a short rush of dopamine .
Aligning our brain chemistry to the system , indoctrinated from a young age so we know nothing else anymore .
This is our world now .
Ruled by an ever expanding , ever hungry demon .
Metaphorically the closest thing to the actual devil , just hidden in plain sight .
Most of us are stuck in this Loop .
We are all part of this Trip , this sad joke that slowly swallows the earth .
We can run , we can hide , we can laugh about this so called clown world .
But we cant escape , and we cant turn back time .
Maybe i just need someone or something to blame other than myself ,
maybe this system can be a chance for other people who got the Willpower , who got the drive to survive against all odds and overcome these obstacles .
Maybe your survival is still entirely dependant on your genetics , even if we think we have grown beyond that , as a species .
Im just venting .
Its just the thoughts of a dying man who will soon become part of the statistic .
A number on a chart .
When i was born , my parents didnt expect much from me .
They just wanted me to be happy .
Out of the womb into the void .
Thrown into this machine , i made it soar ,
like a cog that didnt quite fit , never running in sync , never catching up , just dragging behind in the distance .
Missing all those developmental milestones .
Friendship , Teenage Love , the first time holding hands , the first kiss , the first party ,
graduating , finding a job im interested in , breaking up for the first time and rationalizing it afterwards ,
chasing pipedreams and growing up , finding a place in life where im content , happy ..
just normal things i guess , things that come naturally as a part of growing up .
i stumbled at every step i took , even back when i was still bluepilled ,
back when i still had the energy , the drive , i was still miles behind everyone else .
But now im so far behind , im like in a different world .
Im in my own little world with nothing but regret and misery .
Self Pity from time to time , just so i can let go for a moment and breathe for a second .
It feels so surreal when i see normal people ,
when i walk by couples , groups of teenagers ,
when i walk beside a restaurant and look through the window ,
people smiling and laughing , families who didnt start to hate each other .
Living the life .
In this community , we use derogatory terms for '' normies '' or '' NPCs '' ,
but maybe it is born from jealousy ,
maybe ignorance IS bliss .
i would be happy if i could even cry , not even thinking about smiling or laughing .
When i laugh it is always with this sick desperation , never born from true happiness .
I cant cry anymore so this laughter has become my replacement .
First you start crying , then you start laughing and when you start to just scream in pain , you know its all over .
Then you either kill yourself or go completely silent , staring at the ceiling , waiting for death to come and save you .
Cause why make a scene , why cry for help , why seek attention if there is nobody to listen , nobody to give a damn .
Thats life , what u gonna do ?
In the end just another human ant , part of the collective , the hivemind , enslaved by instinct , like everybody else .
Just another Space Monkey crawling through the mud , through the dirt of this shitty planet .
In a Society that never gave a fuck about you , spit on you at every step of the way .
... im still contemplating , is it based to commit suicide or not ?
On the one hand , if you kill yourself , it feels like letting them win ,
your bullies , your enemies ,
it feels like you shake the hands of fate ,
it feels like accepting defeat and being submissive to your worst enemy .
On the other hand ...
from a purely rational standpoint ,
its the most logical thing to do ,
the reasoning is self evident and written in everyones faces ,
the only thing keeping us from doing it is our survival instinct .
Maybe its a Test , if we are strong enough to overcome our deepest , primary instinct .
I hate it when peoples say suicide is a cowardly act , imo it takes a lot of courage and a clear mind , without any doubts ,
without any comforting lies , without self deception and copeing mechanisms .
In a way tho , LDAR is death , its like being a walking dead , just wasting away .
I feel like its either all or nothing , everything else is just different variations of cope .
... that was way more edgy than i thought it would be ,
but whatever , dont read it twice just SEND IT .
will probably just be another edgy wall of text , some kind of knockoff philosophical bullshit cope , i dont know , lets see .
Lets open our heart chakra , go into our cave and find our power animal .
You dont have to read the rambling i write , just share for yourself .
what comes to your mind , how youre feeling right now , just go for it and see what you end up with .
Dont think about it twice , just click on the reply button .
Like anonymous alcoholics , aight imma go first .
Hi , Im Jack .
And i feel like shit 24/7 , cause all my copes are used up and it sucks to face reality .
im literally stuck in a loop , doing the same shit over and over again and still my brain tells me theres hope
still expecting things to change
having deja vu 3 times a day , everyday exactly the same , timidly rotting away
and with each round in this loop ,
my brain gets more and more atrophied ,
like a muscle you never use ,
cause why would i need to use my brain if i do the same shit every single fucking day for years on end .
i guess humans need conversations with real people ,
they need to have themselves be reflected in the eyes of another person , so to speak .
Getting feedback , be it positive or negative ,
just satisfying this monkey in our heads .
Social stimulation , sharing stories or even feeling the touch of another person .
I guess thats natural , that comes naturally as a part of a normal life .. i guess .
All i have left is to live vicariously through someone else ,
through the reality someone else created ,
movies or music or whatever , youtube videos idk .
The Illusion of Friendship ,
The Illusion of Company , tricking your brain into feeling satisfied , but never fully .
Like deep down it knows that its not enough .
And the remaining doubt is silenced by drugs , patched over by addiction .. weakness .
Maybe it isnt the Jews fault or the fault of anybody really ,
maybe capitalism has become some kind of entity that feeds itself , that fuels itself ,
a giant machine that runs by itself after being fed and polished for centuries , without a human being in control of it .
And still it rules us all , since the industrial revolution , influencing every single aspect of Life , trimming it down , optimizing it ,
to make it efficient , even when it doesnt seem to be .
What do you see , when you look at lonely , depressed people ?
I see profit .
I see a TV being sold for every single person instead of just one for a whole family .
I see Mental Illness , feeding the pharma industry , creating jobs , therapists , caretakers , institutions , clinics and so on .
I see people immersing themselves into dream worlds to run away from reality , videogames , movies , pornography .
I see them immersing themselves into the Reality that someone else created instead of creating their own .
Miserable people who live unnatural lives , those are the best kind of consumers .
Eating junk food that makes us sick , addicted to everything under the sun .
Just Zombies , Casino Zombies ,
sitting there and gambling life away for a short rush of dopamine .
Aligning our brain chemistry to the system , indoctrinated from a young age so we know nothing else anymore .
This is our world now .
Ruled by an ever expanding , ever hungry demon .
Metaphorically the closest thing to the actual devil , just hidden in plain sight .
Most of us are stuck in this Loop .
We are all part of this Trip , this sad joke that slowly swallows the earth .
We can run , we can hide , we can laugh about this so called clown world .
But we cant escape , and we cant turn back time .
Maybe i just need someone or something to blame other than myself ,
maybe this system can be a chance for other people who got the Willpower , who got the drive to survive against all odds and overcome these obstacles .
Maybe your survival is still entirely dependant on your genetics , even if we think we have grown beyond that , as a species .
Im just venting .
Its just the thoughts of a dying man who will soon become part of the statistic .
A number on a chart .
When i was born , my parents didnt expect much from me .
They just wanted me to be happy .
Out of the womb into the void .
Thrown into this machine , i made it soar ,
like a cog that didnt quite fit , never running in sync , never catching up , just dragging behind in the distance .
Missing all those developmental milestones .
Friendship , Teenage Love , the first time holding hands , the first kiss , the first party ,
graduating , finding a job im interested in , breaking up for the first time and rationalizing it afterwards ,
chasing pipedreams and growing up , finding a place in life where im content , happy ..
just normal things i guess , things that come naturally as a part of growing up .
i stumbled at every step i took , even back when i was still bluepilled ,
back when i still had the energy , the drive , i was still miles behind everyone else .
But now im so far behind , im like in a different world .
Im in my own little world with nothing but regret and misery .
Self Pity from time to time , just so i can let go for a moment and breathe for a second .
It feels so surreal when i see normal people ,
when i walk by couples , groups of teenagers ,
when i walk beside a restaurant and look through the window ,
people smiling and laughing , families who didnt start to hate each other .
Living the life .
In this community , we use derogatory terms for '' normies '' or '' NPCs '' ,
but maybe it is born from jealousy ,
maybe ignorance IS bliss .
i would be happy if i could even cry , not even thinking about smiling or laughing .
When i laugh it is always with this sick desperation , never born from true happiness .
I cant cry anymore so this laughter has become my replacement .
First you start crying , then you start laughing and when you start to just scream in pain , you know its all over .
Then you either kill yourself or go completely silent , staring at the ceiling , waiting for death to come and save you .
Cause why make a scene , why cry for help , why seek attention if there is nobody to listen , nobody to give a damn .
Thats life , what u gonna do ?
In the end just another human ant , part of the collective , the hivemind , enslaved by instinct , like everybody else .
Just another Space Monkey crawling through the mud , through the dirt of this shitty planet .
In a Society that never gave a fuck about you , spit on you at every step of the way .
... im still contemplating , is it based to commit suicide or not ?
On the one hand , if you kill yourself , it feels like letting them win ,
your bullies , your enemies ,
it feels like you shake the hands of fate ,
it feels like accepting defeat and being submissive to your worst enemy .
On the other hand ...
from a purely rational standpoint ,
its the most logical thing to do ,
the reasoning is self evident and written in everyones faces ,
the only thing keeping us from doing it is our survival instinct .
Maybe its a Test , if we are strong enough to overcome our deepest , primary instinct .
I hate it when peoples say suicide is a cowardly act , imo it takes a lot of courage and a clear mind , without any doubts ,
without any comforting lies , without self deception and copeing mechanisms .
In a way tho , LDAR is death , its like being a walking dead , just wasting away .
I feel like its either all or nothing , everything else is just different variations of cope .
... that was way more edgy than i thought it would be ,
but whatever , dont read it twice just SEND IT .
