I wish I did it like a real man. Now it's too late. Years of delaying and coping turned me into pussy.
First time I had sui thoughts was in my childhood. No privacy, poverty, boredom and no normal experiences. Imagine 8 year old child thinking about suicide.
Second serious idea came in early highschool, but I coped my way through those times thinking that I might grow taller in few years. I was thinking about tying a 4-5 meter rope on the bridge railing and insta roping above the river like a legend. Sadly my inhibition was too high.
Now my skin got thicker after all the torture. My life was a mental asylum with schizo's shit smeared all over the walls. I didn't rope after crazy poverty, verbal and physical abuse, other people flashing their unearned relationships and wealth. I'm aware that there is noting to do in my life, everything is locked behind my genetics, but I can't rope becuse I need chernobyl mumbai slum slave reason to rope now.
I never expected that I would literally lose my soul irreversibly. It's getting worse slowly, so it makes me adapt to all the new torture.
I desperately need some chaos to set me free.
First time I had sui thoughts was in my childhood. No privacy, poverty, boredom and no normal experiences. Imagine 8 year old child thinking about suicide.
Second serious idea came in early highschool, but I coped my way through those times thinking that I might grow taller in few years. I was thinking about tying a 4-5 meter rope on the bridge railing and insta roping above the river like a legend. Sadly my inhibition was too high.
Now my skin got thicker after all the torture. My life was a mental asylum with schizo's shit smeared all over the walls. I didn't rope after crazy poverty, verbal and physical abuse, other people flashing their unearned relationships and wealth. I'm aware that there is noting to do in my life, everything is locked behind my genetics, but I can't rope becuse I need chernobyl mumbai slum slave reason to rope now.
I never expected that I would literally lose my soul irreversibly. It's getting worse slowly, so it makes me adapt to all the new torture.
I desperately need some chaos to set me free.
