L
Nothing is more enfuriating than recognizing everything wrong with you/your life and being unable to change the outcome.
Slight cases of Asperger's Syndrome most of the time only mean minor detriments to your life quality - especially if you are good-looking and/or female, of course some social situations will overtax you but you will still manage to get a decent job and private life most of the time. After some learning you are capable of understanding others on your own and people just think that you are a little bit awkward.
In the worst cases there is often a complete abstinence of "normal desires" like relationships/etc., some people with that are unironically not even interested in relationships/sex and therefore there is little to no psychological strain put on them in that regard, they can happily exist in their own world and are truly content with watching Steven Universe or painting Sonic for the rest of their life, they see nothing wrong with themselves and have little to no desire for something interpersonal, despite living (for outstanders) highly abnormal life styles (like NEETdom) they are content/happy. They exist in their own bubble. For comparison: They are like Chris-chan but without the love-quest. If the parents aren't complete assholes that want to force normalcy upon their child a relatively good life could be possible within the constraints of your own mind where you remain unaffected by the dystopian shithole that is the modern world.
And then there are the people who exist within the border region between these extremes - this is where hell is found, they have "normal" desires (like wanting a GF/sex, a family later on and a job), but don't have the mental/physical prerequisites for it - and the worst thing is that they are constantly consciously aware of it. Self-awareness is nothing more than a curse in certain situations - you feel like a pilot locked out of the cockpit by a malevolent co-pilot, you know what's going wrong, but you cannot change it. You are too "abnormal" for "normalcy", but you cannot fully transcend your mortal desires to become a full-fledged wizardcel who has no boundaries anymore to the "normal world". You are left in a frightening intermediate state of being/remaining "abnormal" and having "normal" desires. People like ER and most self-proclaimed Autistcels would fall under here.
It could be said that this is also true for IQ or disabilities: The worst thing is an IQ~80, because you don't have the mental capacities for most jobs (especially in the automatized hell that is the modern one where the physical labourer gets more and more replaced with machines and where even STEM absolvents have to completely reorientate themselves every year thereby proving the need for mental flexibility as a result of IQ and the highest amount of discipline), but the capability to self-reflect, if you were truly mentally disabled you would most of the time not care and with a higher IQ sucess would be possible. Disabilities are always debilitating, but when you are wheel-chair bound people see it at least and therefore adjust their expectations, when you aren't visibly disabled (like if you have motoric disorders, CFS or certain learning disabilities) people expect normal performance from you, you get no lenience and you are still unable to perform certain tasks within a socially-acceptable time frame which will lead to conflict. In the intermediate realm the hell waits.
Slight cases of Asperger's Syndrome most of the time only mean minor detriments to your life quality - especially if you are good-looking and/or female, of course some social situations will overtax you but you will still manage to get a decent job and private life most of the time. After some learning you are capable of understanding others on your own and people just think that you are a little bit awkward.
In the worst cases there is often a complete abstinence of "normal desires" like relationships/etc., some people with that are unironically not even interested in relationships/sex and therefore there is little to no psychological strain put on them in that regard, they can happily exist in their own world and are truly content with watching Steven Universe or painting Sonic for the rest of their life, they see nothing wrong with themselves and have little to no desire for something interpersonal, despite living (for outstanders) highly abnormal life styles (like NEETdom) they are content/happy. They exist in their own bubble. For comparison: They are like Chris-chan but without the love-quest. If the parents aren't complete assholes that want to force normalcy upon their child a relatively good life could be possible within the constraints of your own mind where you remain unaffected by the dystopian shithole that is the modern world.
And then there are the people who exist within the border region between these extremes - this is where hell is found, they have "normal" desires (like wanting a GF/sex, a family later on and a job), but don't have the mental/physical prerequisites for it - and the worst thing is that they are constantly consciously aware of it. Self-awareness is nothing more than a curse in certain situations - you feel like a pilot locked out of the cockpit by a malevolent co-pilot, you know what's going wrong, but you cannot change it. You are too "abnormal" for "normalcy", but you cannot fully transcend your mortal desires to become a full-fledged wizardcel who has no boundaries anymore to the "normal world". You are left in a frightening intermediate state of being/remaining "abnormal" and having "normal" desires. People like ER and most self-proclaimed Autistcels would fall under here.
It could be said that this is also true for IQ or disabilities: The worst thing is an IQ~80, because you don't have the mental capacities for most jobs (especially in the automatized hell that is the modern one where the physical labourer gets more and more replaced with machines and where even STEM absolvents have to completely reorientate themselves every year thereby proving the need for mental flexibility as a result of IQ and the highest amount of discipline), but the capability to self-reflect, if you were truly mentally disabled you would most of the time not care and with a higher IQ sucess would be possible. Disabilities are always debilitating, but when you are wheel-chair bound people see it at least and therefore adjust their expectations, when you aren't visibly disabled (like if you have motoric disorders, CFS or certain learning disabilities) people expect normal performance from you, you get no lenience and you are still unable to perform certain tasks within a socially-acceptable time frame which will lead to conflict. In the intermediate realm the hell waits.
The only upside to this situation I'm stuck in is that it will eventually end, with death. Psyciatrists and counselors and whonot have always said, and always told me, there's high-functioning, and there's low-functioning, and if I'm not low, I'm high. But I've always maintained the idea that there is a middle ground, a gray area, a zone where people and society assume and expect more of you than you can give because they've already assumed you're higher functioning than you really are. And then you let them down constantly, because they set their expectations too high, and they consequently think you're just lazy, or spoiled, or just an awful person.
