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Venting I'm undergoing the process of losing most of my IRL friendships

Mainländer

Mainländer

Songwritercel
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May 2, 2018
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And the saddest part is that I don't even care much. I'm just too depressed, people keep wanting me to do stuff with them but I don't have enough drive even to fulfill my own life responsibilities. Everything takes effort to me, even the activities I like the most.

Today I had made an appointment (too beta to straight up deny it since it has been a long time since we saw each other) with some friends to eat together somewhere, but I didn't show up. I really didn't want to go and I don't have an excuse. Since lots of people went, I don't think me not going is much of a dick thing to do, I didn't let anyone alone standing and waiting for me. But I know people will be mad at me for it anyway.
 
Age? This is normal after college age as everyone moves on in life but you're left stuck behind to rot.
 
People say they get depression - that it's like a physical illness - but when it comes down to it they still think you're just being lazy.
 
Age? This is normal after college age as everyone moves on in life but you're left stuck behind to rot.
In my 30s now. Tbh I was always introverted and never liked being with many people at once, but back in the day, I still wanted to approach and find a girl and all, and also had a band and whatnot, so it made sense to have to undergo such sacrifices. Nowadays, it just doesn't make sense to me anymore tbh. I don't have anything against any of these friends, it's just that I don't want to go to such stuff anymore really. Online communication, or some seldom 1 x 1 meeting is more than enough for me.
 
And the saddest part is that I don't even care much. I'm just too depressed, people keep wanting me to do stuff with them but I don't have enough drive even to fulfill my own life responsibilities. Everything takes effort to me, even the activities I like the most.

Today I had made an appointment (too beta to straight up deny it since it has been a long time since we saw each other) with some friends to eat together somewhere, but I didn't show up. I really didn't want to go and I don't have an excuse. Since lots of people went, I don't think me not going is much of a dick thing to do, I didn't let anyone alone standing and waiting for me. But I know people will be mad at me for it anyway.
same
 
people keep wanting me to do stuff with them but I don't have enough drive even to fulfill my own life responsibilities. Everything takes effort to me, even the activities I like the most.
I know the feel but you must do stuff with them.
Just do it.
Not doing stuff with these people who are still reaching out to you will drag you down even further. You can't let that happen or you'll end up even worse, much worse than you're already.
I can't tell you what to do, I'm not your mom, but if somebody asks you if you want to do stuff with them, just say yes for your own sake.
If you don't, you will regret it some day and maybe you will remember me.
 
I know the feel but you must do stuff with them.
Just do it.
Not doing stuff with these people who are still reaching out to you will drag you down even further. You can't let that happen or you'll end up even worse, much worse than you're already.
I can't tell you what to do, I'm not your mom, but if somebody asks you if you want to do stuff with them, just say yes for your own sake.
If you don't, you will regret it some day and maybe you will remember me.
And clean your room while you're at it!
 
I know the feel but you must do stuff with them.
Just do it.
Not doing stuff with these people who are still reaching out to you will drag you down even further. You can't let that happen or you'll end up even worse, much worse than you're already.
I can't tell you what to do, I'm not your mom, but if somebody asks you if you want to do stuff with them, just say yes for your own sake.
If you don't, you will regret it some day and maybe you will remember me.
Another thing:
Finding new friends becomes almost impossible with age, so it's very VERY important to hold on to existing friends AT. ALL. COSTS.
Trust me on that.
Just do it and you'll thank me in 10 years from now.
 
And clean your room while you're at it!
This is nothing to be concerned about if you're having friends.
If you have people coming to your house, you will clean it up anyways.
 
I know the feel but you must do stuff with them.
Just do it.
Not doing stuff with these people who are still reaching out to you will drag you down even further. You can't let that happen or you'll end up even worse, much worse than you're already.
I can't tell you what to do, I'm not your mom, but if somebody asks you if you want to do stuff with them, just say yes for your own sake.
If you don't, you will regret it some day and maybe you will remember me.
I admit I have a very hard time understanding why people get mad for things like me not showing up on a meeting of many people. I wouldn't care if I was in their place.

People always talk about the golden rule but tbh the golden rule doesn't work at all. People are very different from each other. I wouldn't care at all if some foid grabbed my butt on the streets, but she'd probably want me raped and dead in jail in the reverse scenario, for an even stronger example.
 
Another thing:
Finding new friends becomes almost impossible with age, so it's very VERY important to hold on to existing friends AT. ALL. COSTS.
Trust me on that.
Just do it and you'll thank me in 10 years from now.
I appreciate the advice but I think I'll eventually lose more and more contact with most of them, sooner or later. It has happened with some other friends before. Our paths went totally different ways.

It made sense to be friends with my chadlite friends when we had a band together, or back when we approached, but now? There's nothing in common anymore.
 
Mogs me having had friends
 
I feel exactly the same. I turn down their invitations most of the time because it just feels like too much effort.
At least in German culture you can be more direct about things like that. In Brazil you have to be very indirect in such interactions or else everyone takes it personally and gets mad at you. That's why I eventually yield and accept something, just to regret it when the day comes.

I don't even have enough motivation to study and the thought of graduation is making me crazy out of fear.
Try to cram it some days before the tests. It's what I did in school and college and it worked. It's not ideal, but if just can't sustain a routine of studying, it's the next best strategy. I hope things work out for you at that.

I just don't have anything I want to do. I just spend my free days at home, doing nothing all day. When I read the manga today I actually felt like I accomplished something jfl.
The other day I watched three episodes of anime in German and looked up everything I didn't know. It felt like the most productive day ever jfl.

Most of the time I just watch youtube, listen to music and browse forums.
Sometimes I just sit quietly and pray because there's really nothing at all I want to do. But usually I do things like those as well.

Just getting out of bed feels like too much
Same, I've been taking sleep medicine almost everyday and sleeping like crazy. It's the best time of the day by far.
 
I know the feel but you must do stuff with them.
Just do it.
Not doing stuff with these people who are still reaching out to you will drag you down even further. You can't let that happen or you'll end up even worse, much worse than you're already.
I can't tell you what to do, I'm not your mom, but if somebody asks you if you want to do stuff with them, just say yes for your own sake.
If you don't, you will regret it some day and maybe you will remember me.
Another thing:
Finding new friends becomes almost impossible with age, so it's very VERY important to hold on to existing friends AT. ALL. COSTS.
Trust me on that.
Just do it and you'll thank me in 10 years from now.
These are facts. Laws. Listen to this OP.
 
At the moment I always study one evening before the exam because I can't even stop procrastinating when I'm one day before. I just gave up on my math exam and didn't study at all. Just sat there for 3 hours and then l left.
I also sucked bad at math back in school. Isn't there something in the German school system where you can "owe" one subject and still go to the next grade, but also doing that subject again through reinforcement classes? We have that in Brazil. But yet again, you're in your last year, right?

Eine Sprache zu lernen ist aber auch produktiv. Erst recht wenns Deutsch ist. Da kannst du ruhig stolz sein.
Danke! Aber ich meinte, dass das nicht zu viel ist. Ich sollte viel mehr pro Tag tun.
 
It made sense to be friends with my chadlite friends when we had a band together, or back when we approached, but now? There's nothing in common anymore.
If you have nothing in common anymore, then I don't think you're losing out on much by letting them drift apart from you.
I was always introverted and never liked being with many people at once
Same. Probably the norm here
 
Wollte Informatik machen mit der Hoffnung einen Job mit wenig sozialem Kontakt zu haben. Aber Studium würde ich glaub ich nicht schaffen. Ich höre dauernd wie schwer das ist, und ich komme nichtmal mit Schule klar.
Welches Niveau? Computer science at univeristy is pretty math-heavy.
 
Make friends with higher energy based angelic beings instead if you overcame your physical needs so they will save you from archontic deception. Physical body may not be that bad but possesing it in this reality is very hazardous
 
You're saying you don't care but you still
vent about it, I'm guessing something about the whole "being left alone" thing doesn't feel completely right to you. I'm risking a bit of psychoanalytic bullshit, but maybe try and stick around, if friends get you for who you are then it won't really matter if you're a tad absent sometimes.
 
Niedriges Niveau. Ich hab ehrlich gesagt null Ahnung von Computern und bin sehr schlecht in Mathe
Am niedrigem Niveau brauchst du höchstwahrscheinlich wenige Ahnung von Computern oder Mathe. Ich bin allerdings keinen Experte (sorry for bad German)
 
Am niedrigem Niveau brauchst du höchstwahrscheinlich wenige Ahnung von Computern oder Mathe. Ich bin allerdings keinen Experte (sorry for bad German)
Are you a fellow German learner?
 
Are you a fellow German learner?
I learned some German in secondary school. I watch and read German content every now and again, so my German is still halfway decent. The same cannot be said for my French however.
 
I learned some German in secondary school. I watch and read German content every now and again, so my German is still halfway decent. The same cannot be said for my French however.
Mogs me at speaking 4 languages, assuming you're not from a francophone or anglophone country.
 
Mogs me at speaking 4 languages, assuming you're not from a francophone or anglophone country.
Like I said, my French is complete shit at this point. Even my Japanese from watching anime is better. I hail from the Netherlands btw.
 
Like I said, my French is complete shit at this point. Even my Japanese from watching anime is better. I hail from the Netherlands btw.
It's probably easy for you to learn German then. I can even understand some written Dutch using my German skills. But there are a lot of false cognates and the spoken variation is completely different.

I never learned any French but I remember studying German for a year or so already and still understanding more from French than from German, kek. My native language is Poor tuguese.
 
Yes, and I don't have any plans for my future.

Wollte Informatik machen mit der Hoffnung einen Job mit wenig sozialem Kontakt zu haben. Aber Studium würde ich glaub ich nicht schaffen. Ich höre dauernd wie schwer das ist, und ich komme nichtmal mit Schule klar.
Ausbildung als Fachinformatiker wäre ideal, aber ich hätte mich vor Monaten bewerben sollen. Jetzt ist es wahrscheinlich zu spät. Ich glaube es gibt keine Stellen mehr.
Keine Ahnung was ich für meine Zukunft machen soll. Ich glaub ich hab mein Leben reingeschissen ngl.
Mach einfach ein Jahr Pause und bewirb dich für nächstes Jahr. Machen eh viele.
 
Irgendwie spricht jeder in Holland deutsch, aber niemand in Deutschland holländisch.
Ich war traurig als ich gefunden habe, dass alle diese andere germanische Sprachen (bis auf Isländisch) leichter als Deutsch sind. Aber es ist meinstens nutzlos für mich die zu lernen. Deutsch ist nich nur die Sprache meines Vaters und des Ortes wo ich geboren bin, sondern auch nützlich für Übersetzer zu werden. Viele Dinge sind in Deutschland produziert.
 
Bin halt schon 20 ne, Zeit rennt.

Und außerdem würde meine Familie das nicht gut heißen. Die haben mich dazu gedrängt Bewerbungen zu schreiben. Es ist alles meine Schuld um ehrlich zu sein.
Ich bin auch grad fett am NEETen, deswegen hab ich wahrscheinlich eine andere Perspektive, aber mach dir keine Sorgen, wenn du eine Stelle finden willst, findest du auf jeden Fall eine, weil überall Fachkräftemangel ist. Manchmal findet man aber auch unbesetzte Ausbildungen noch sehr spät im Internet.
 
Ich war traurig als ich gefunden habe, dass alle diese andere germanische Sprachen (bis auf Isländisch) leichter als Deutsch sind. Aber es ist meinstens nutzlos für mich die zu lernen. Deutsch ist nich nur die Sprache meines Vaters und des Ortes wo ich geboren bin, sondern auch nützlich für Übersetzer zu werden. Viele Dinge sind in Deutschland produziert.
Die anderen germanischen Sprachen sind aber unwichtig im Vergleich zu deutsch. Und wirtschaftlich gesehen bringt deutsch auch mehr.
 
Es ist alles meine Schuld um ehrlich zu sein.
Du hast bestimmt Depression. Es ist scheiße, ich habe in meinem Leben schon so viele Leute kennengelernt, die wirklich Studium und Arbeiten mochten. Aber für mich ist alles ein Opfer. Das Leben ist mit alles unfair, nicht nur Aussehen, Reichtum und so, auch das Motivationsniveau ändert sich viel von Menschen zu Menschen.
 
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It's probably easy for you to learn German then. I can even understand some written Dutch using my German skills. But there are a lot of false cognates and the spoken variation is completely different.

I never learned any French but I remember studying German for a year or so already and still understanding more from French than from German, kek. My native language is Poor tuguese.
Knowing Dutch is indeed conducive to learning German. Sentence structure, for instance, is almost always the same. I imagine knowing Po(o)rtuguese (kek btw) is conducive to learning French in the same way.
Irgendwie spricht jeder in Holland deutsch, aber niemand in Deutschland holländisch.
Es ist irgendwo begreifbar. Die Niederlande sind nichts im Vergleich zum großem Deutschland.
 

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