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It's been a hard few weeks. I won’t say what I did but I tried twice to end it. I wanted to die because the pain was too much. The shame of being stripped naked and laughed at. It all crushed me and I have severe PTSD. I still can't sleep. I feel like I'm living in a constant panic since that night. I still see those teens faces when I close my eyes. It's a living nightmare. It's hard to move on when you get jumped and pissed on. That kinda thing haunts you for a while. Not much you can do except try to get back to a normal day to day. I'm trying to get back into the swing of things but it's still hard to be out in public. Every time I see a group of guys, I tense up, thinking I'm going to get attacked. I've lost weight lately due to stress and not eating much since the incident. I have also decided to move forward with limb lengthening after all. Found a clinic in India that does intramedullary nails + bone grafting for $28k USD cash only (no records). They even offer aftercare packages if complications happen because there is always an amputation risk with limb lengthening. If it works, I’ll grow from 5'5 to maybe 5'10 or taller! Tall enough that no punk kids mess with me ever again! Maybe even get respect? Maybe even love? I'm planning on going through with the surgery in February.
