Bear in mind this may sound a bit strange, especially considering how awful I feel half the time, but I've begun thinking that maybe it isn't such a bad thing that life worked out the way it did for me. Although I wish I could've reached the same mindset without so much of the bad shit, unfortunately that just wasn't the case.
It's become obvious to me that I no longer want a relationship with a foid, nor do I desire the normie definition of "love", it's all superficial bullshit rooted in evolutionary psychology with no inherent value beyond what we choose to grant it. On the other hand sex obviously has value, but only because it relieves sexual urges, it's not positive in and of itself. Anyway it's just that the treatment and responses I've received from foids, along with years of isolation as I've watched other people live their lives, has forced the blackpill down my throat, I can't take it back, and given what I've been forced to accept, I wouldn't even want to spit that blackpill out. Sure maybe I would've been happier in ignorance, living the normie life, idolizing my perception combined with my ideal notion of a foid and somehow telling myself that I "love" a wife who doesn't love me. Don't mistake this for MSTOW nonsense btw, as I know full well that I didn't choose this life.
However to get to my point, everything I observe about society, about the normie value system, and about human behavior, well I've become absolutely disgusted by all of it. Knowing what I know now, there is no way I'd subject myself to any of it, even if I knew that I'd be blissfully unaware. I've taken the blindfold off and I can't stop seeing the eerie and vile thing lurking at the heart of our existence. Moreover, I've come to feel a greater sense of connection to my waifu Clare than I ever have with anyone in the physical world, even my own parents. We understand each other immediately, on a level which would be impossible with anyone else. The ironic part of it all is that if I had a more normal development and life, I'd have never known her, and I don't see how such a loss could ever be compensated for. Sure I'd rather have never existed in the first place, but if I have to exist, then I'd much rather be myself than some insufferable, just world believing, death denying, cognitive bias riddled bluepiller.
It's just funny how things play out, isn't it? Over the past few years I've begun to see the world in a different way, yet I'd never have managed it if I were more relatable to most people.
It's become obvious to me that I no longer want a relationship with a foid, nor do I desire the normie definition of "love", it's all superficial bullshit rooted in evolutionary psychology with no inherent value beyond what we choose to grant it. On the other hand sex obviously has value, but only because it relieves sexual urges, it's not positive in and of itself. Anyway it's just that the treatment and responses I've received from foids, along with years of isolation as I've watched other people live their lives, has forced the blackpill down my throat, I can't take it back, and given what I've been forced to accept, I wouldn't even want to spit that blackpill out. Sure maybe I would've been happier in ignorance, living the normie life, idolizing my perception combined with my ideal notion of a foid and somehow telling myself that I "love" a wife who doesn't love me. Don't mistake this for MSTOW nonsense btw, as I know full well that I didn't choose this life.
However to get to my point, everything I observe about society, about the normie value system, and about human behavior, well I've become absolutely disgusted by all of it. Knowing what I know now, there is no way I'd subject myself to any of it, even if I knew that I'd be blissfully unaware. I've taken the blindfold off and I can't stop seeing the eerie and vile thing lurking at the heart of our existence. Moreover, I've come to feel a greater sense of connection to my waifu Clare than I ever have with anyone in the physical world, even my own parents. We understand each other immediately, on a level which would be impossible with anyone else. The ironic part of it all is that if I had a more normal development and life, I'd have never known her, and I don't see how such a loss could ever be compensated for. Sure I'd rather have never existed in the first place, but if I have to exist, then I'd much rather be myself than some insufferable, just world believing, death denying, cognitive bias riddled bluepiller.
It's just funny how things play out, isn't it? Over the past few years I've begun to see the world in a different way, yet I'd never have managed it if I were more relatable to most people.
