During my long sessions of lonely self-reflection (also known as wallowing in self-pity), I have come to a realization.
I was never bluepilled. I have been a pessimistic genetic determinist for most of my conscious life. Even as a child, I was acutely aware of my subhuman looks. My teenage years were mostly blackpilled from being a lonely teen with unrestricted internet access. I always believed I would never have any success with women or life. I never went through a phase of true hope, I always believed it would be over. Every day, I unlock new depths of realization of how over it is. I am a short, ugly, ethnic guy who lives in the west. I have no friends. I don't know how to socialize. The only thing keeping me going is my family. So why, you may ask, did I suddenly decide to take the bluepill when it is so obviously over?
I will give you 3 reasons. The more truthful and honest one is that I am doing it because hope is a drug. Recently, I have been having sudden emotional moments of hope, of an inexplicable desire. They happen at random times, and no matter how much in my life I have tried to diminish hope, it has snaked it's way in. If even the small, irrational thought of ascension, of my life getting better in any way can elicit such powerful feelings in me, imagine what I would feel if my whole life changed. I am a human, and the human desire to have hope has finally overpowered me.
The second reason is that I have never properly tried. I need to try my hardest to ascend so when I fail, I can rest easy in the blackpill. In fact, when I fail, I will see the full effects of the blackpill. After implementing every bluepilled cope and advice and failing, every retarded IT cuck will be proved wrong. It is a win for me in both situations. I will either ascend, or more likely, I will prove my ideology right, I will finally live a life free of any hope, because I will have exhausted all of it. As stated before, I have always been blackpilled, so I never tried at all. I always assumed it was completely over for me due to being sub5, short, fat, and ethnic. But maybe, just maybe, I am one of the people who have a half-decent bone structure underneath his fat. Maybe I am just one of the ones who need to try a bit to ascend, because let's face it, "it's over if you've ever needed to try" is complete BS. This is the hope talking, but I need to exhaust it to truly become hopeless. Multiple goals will be achieved no matter the result. If I truly make an effort to improve my personality and looks, there are 3 possible resultant scenarios, arranged from least likely to most likely:
Here is my very broad plan to ascend: get lean, ignore the blackpill and delude myself into the bluepill, become more social in the process and after. That is it. I will weaponize my hopelessness by not caring about others. I will talk to people without caring about their reaction. I will become more social somehow. I also realized how much I am sounding like @Sasukecel , so shout out to him. I hope that he succeeds. His ideas have had a role in this post too. There is a great attraction in proving to the world that you can ascend as a sub5 ethnic male, in cheating your genetic destiny.
In conclusion, I will ask the mods to ban me until May 3, my join date, where I will return and tell you about my experience. I am delving deep into the bluepill. I will not frequent any incel spaces so that I can delude myself properly. I will see the light in the world. The darkness will be temporarily forgotten. Hope is my new ideology.
@SlayerSlayer @TheProphetMuscle @Uggo Mongo Please ban me until May 3, just pinged you because you are the ones currently online.
To the blackpill, to incels.is, farewell for the time being. Thanks to all. Sorry if this post was a little dramatic, but this is how I write and feel, and have no one else to tell this to.
I was never bluepilled. I have been a pessimistic genetic determinist for most of my conscious life. Even as a child, I was acutely aware of my subhuman looks. My teenage years were mostly blackpilled from being a lonely teen with unrestricted internet access. I always believed I would never have any success with women or life. I never went through a phase of true hope, I always believed it would be over. Every day, I unlock new depths of realization of how over it is. I am a short, ugly, ethnic guy who lives in the west. I have no friends. I don't know how to socialize. The only thing keeping me going is my family. So why, you may ask, did I suddenly decide to take the bluepill when it is so obviously over?
I will give you 3 reasons. The more truthful and honest one is that I am doing it because hope is a drug. Recently, I have been having sudden emotional moments of hope, of an inexplicable desire. They happen at random times, and no matter how much in my life I have tried to diminish hope, it has snaked it's way in. If even the small, irrational thought of ascension, of my life getting better in any way can elicit such powerful feelings in me, imagine what I would feel if my whole life changed. I am a human, and the human desire to have hope has finally overpowered me.
The second reason is that I have never properly tried. I need to try my hardest to ascend so when I fail, I can rest easy in the blackpill. In fact, when I fail, I will see the full effects of the blackpill. After implementing every bluepilled cope and advice and failing, every retarded IT cuck will be proved wrong. It is a win for me in both situations. I will either ascend, or more likely, I will prove my ideology right, I will finally live a life free of any hope, because I will have exhausted all of it. As stated before, I have always been blackpilled, so I never tried at all. I always assumed it was completely over for me due to being sub5, short, fat, and ethnic. But maybe, just maybe, I am one of the people who have a half-decent bone structure underneath his fat. Maybe I am just one of the ones who need to try a bit to ascend, because let's face it, "it's over if you've ever needed to try" is complete BS. This is the hope talking, but I need to exhaust it to truly become hopeless. Multiple goals will be achieved no matter the result. If I truly make an effort to improve my personality and looks, there are 3 possible resultant scenarios, arranged from least likely to most likely:
- I turn out to be an attractive person underneath the fat (near 0 percent chance, but of course the most desired one)
- I turn out to be average looking and somehow ascend by using "personality" (slightly possible)
- I become truly hopeless as a result of exhausting all the hope I have and can finally live a life of pure blackpilled bliss (Of course the previous ones are better, but I wouldn't mind this and it is the most likely scenario)
Here is my very broad plan to ascend: get lean, ignore the blackpill and delude myself into the bluepill, become more social in the process and after. That is it. I will weaponize my hopelessness by not caring about others. I will talk to people without caring about their reaction. I will become more social somehow. I also realized how much I am sounding like @Sasukecel , so shout out to him. I hope that he succeeds. His ideas have had a role in this post too. There is a great attraction in proving to the world that you can ascend as a sub5 ethnic male, in cheating your genetic destiny.
In conclusion, I will ask the mods to ban me until May 3, my join date, where I will return and tell you about my experience. I am delving deep into the bluepill. I will not frequent any incel spaces so that I can delude myself properly. I will see the light in the world. The darkness will be temporarily forgotten. Hope is my new ideology.
@SlayerSlayer @TheProphetMuscle @Uggo Mongo Please ban me until May 3, just pinged you because you are the ones currently online.
To the blackpill, to incels.is, farewell for the time being. Thanks to all. Sorry if this post was a little dramatic, but this is how I write and feel, and have no one else to tell this to.
