Sasukecel
im roping
-
- Joined
- May 26, 2024
- Posts
- 1,976
I said I would make last posts many times, I don't know the future. I think this will be the last post on it, because it is getting repetitive obsessing over it. There has to be a plan/solution that I follow to adapt to this big failure.
I'm aware my plan might sound "cringe" to a normie.
I'm not going to rope and I'm not going to go ER.
I was thinking "The people at my University campus all see me as an embarassment. My old classmates, the public." But I could just avoid all of them. I don't have to talk to any of my classmates, I don't even have to go to the lecture hall because the recordings are online. I don't have to go to parties, I don't have to go to events. I can hide from the public irl, and I will hide from the public irl for the rest of my life. What does the public have to give me? Humilation? Then just avoid the public. I had no friends from grade 9 - 12, so I just won't have friends now.
"Hiding in real life, present online", is my motto because I haven't given up on the goals I had when I was 16. I'm just adapting to the situation. Avoid the public, but still go to the gym, still keep applying to jobs and start learning skills on the side to moneymax, still study and stay in University, but just avoid the general public because the permanent consequences are I'm a public humilation. Stay inside unless I "have to" go outside. With a new identity or new country, I'm still a public humilation, so hide from the public in whatever country I am. Go undercover for the rest of my life.
I naturally have a goofy/immature personality, which I'm trying to suppress. Because I want to reject happiness if happiness is a cope. To change my personality, I have a regime I want to follow. Work on something and use watching gore as a reward, sleep, repeat.
That sounds cringe and stupid, but watching gore gives me motivation to do work I don't want to do. Yesterday I was studying calculus, then after every 1 hour, I would look at gore for 5 minutes as a reward, then I would study for an hour, then read about suicides. That's weird but if I do that for a long enough period of time, I will desensitize my brain to never smile or laugh which is my goal, and I'll make progress in the goals I have. I don't want to wake up in the morning, when i wake up in the morning, so I scroll gore on reddit as a reward. I get ready, I look at gore. I study, I look at gore. I work out, then I look at gore. I use watching gore as a reward for doing work needed to pursue my goals. "Waching gore is a waste of time", but it gives me strong motivation because I hate doing work, but looking at gore gives me as much as a high as looking at porn making me strongly motivated to do the work needed quickly so I can look at gore. I plan to follow the regime of "Do work, then watch gore, repeat" daily, and I believe through desensitizing myself by watching gore daily, it will desensitize my brain to emotions and make me more sociopathic over time, which is what I want because I want to have only hateful and serious thoughts. I want to be completely change my personality from the one on the FItxfearless call.
TLDR: The aftermath of the situation is I accept the fact that I'm a global humilation, so I'll simply avoid the public IRL for the rest of my life. I didn't give up on the goals I had, and for motivation to do the work, I'll watch gore as a reward for doing work. I will also change my personality, to ensure that I never experience positive emotions because I don't want to be happy when happiness is a cope because living is still torture and unfair. To be happy in a situation of unfairness, is basically accepting that unfairness.
I'm well aware that it might sound "cringe" or "Schizo", but that's the genuine plan to adapt to the situation I'm in. I don't want to be the same person I was on the Fitxfearless call, so I'm changing my personality to be a serious militant emo who never smiles, avoids the public and just works and looks at morbid things all day. Even if I move to a different country, I'll still hide from the public because the consequences of going on that call is to forever go undercover in real life for the rest of my life.
This is the genuine plan that will not change until my death.
I'm aware my plan might sound "cringe" to a normie.
I'm not going to rope and I'm not going to go ER.
I was thinking "The people at my University campus all see me as an embarassment. My old classmates, the public." But I could just avoid all of them. I don't have to talk to any of my classmates, I don't even have to go to the lecture hall because the recordings are online. I don't have to go to parties, I don't have to go to events. I can hide from the public irl, and I will hide from the public irl for the rest of my life. What does the public have to give me? Humilation? Then just avoid the public. I had no friends from grade 9 - 12, so I just won't have friends now.
"Hiding in real life, present online", is my motto because I haven't given up on the goals I had when I was 16. I'm just adapting to the situation. Avoid the public, but still go to the gym, still keep applying to jobs and start learning skills on the side to moneymax, still study and stay in University, but just avoid the general public because the permanent consequences are I'm a public humilation. Stay inside unless I "have to" go outside. With a new identity or new country, I'm still a public humilation, so hide from the public in whatever country I am. Go undercover for the rest of my life.
I naturally have a goofy/immature personality, which I'm trying to suppress. Because I want to reject happiness if happiness is a cope. To change my personality, I have a regime I want to follow. Work on something and use watching gore as a reward, sleep, repeat.
That sounds cringe and stupid, but watching gore gives me motivation to do work I don't want to do. Yesterday I was studying calculus, then after every 1 hour, I would look at gore for 5 minutes as a reward, then I would study for an hour, then read about suicides. That's weird but if I do that for a long enough period of time, I will desensitize my brain to never smile or laugh which is my goal, and I'll make progress in the goals I have. I don't want to wake up in the morning, when i wake up in the morning, so I scroll gore on reddit as a reward. I get ready, I look at gore. I study, I look at gore. I work out, then I look at gore. I use watching gore as a reward for doing work needed to pursue my goals. "Waching gore is a waste of time", but it gives me strong motivation because I hate doing work, but looking at gore gives me as much as a high as looking at porn making me strongly motivated to do the work needed quickly so I can look at gore. I plan to follow the regime of "Do work, then watch gore, repeat" daily, and I believe through desensitizing myself by watching gore daily, it will desensitize my brain to emotions and make me more sociopathic over time, which is what I want because I want to have only hateful and serious thoughts. I want to be completely change my personality from the one on the FItxfearless call.
TLDR: The aftermath of the situation is I accept the fact that I'm a global humilation, so I'll simply avoid the public IRL for the rest of my life. I didn't give up on the goals I had, and for motivation to do the work, I'll watch gore as a reward for doing work. I will also change my personality, to ensure that I never experience positive emotions because I don't want to be happy when happiness is a cope because living is still torture and unfair. To be happy in a situation of unfairness, is basically accepting that unfairness.
I'm well aware that it might sound "cringe" or "Schizo", but that's the genuine plan to adapt to the situation I'm in. I don't want to be the same person I was on the Fitxfearless call, so I'm changing my personality to be a serious militant emo who never smiles, avoids the public and just works and looks at morbid things all day. Even if I move to a different country, I'll still hide from the public because the consequences of going on that call is to forever go undercover in real life for the rest of my life.
This is the genuine plan that will not change until my death.