I wasted away eight years of my life, and I just keep waisting more

Adversor

Adversor

What the hell is wrong with these people?
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I spent six years on autopilot going through higher education. I didn't have any hobbies. I didn't have any friends. No one I talked to cared even the slightest about my existence. I was boring and had no idea how to talk to people in a way that convinced them that I was normal like them. After graduating I managed to get a position abroad for a short time, but since corona I've been at home unemployed. In the last twelve months I've done nothing productive at all. I've been drinking. I tried to learn a few things, pick up a few new hobbies. But nothing ever sticks. "Why do these things when there's no one around who will ever care about it?" my mind tells me. I have to go through every hardship completely alone. I can't vent to anyone. On several occasions lately I felt so bad I started laughing in the middle of the night. Another time a few months ago, I almost fell off my bike and two young persons, complete strangers to me, started laughing, mocking me. I felt the urge to bash their heads in against the pavement, but I didn't. Ending up in jail wouldn't have improved my life. I know why these things keep happening to me. In some way I was cursed. I've always been ugly and weird. I don't even feel human. I'm something else, something that's not wanted. I've been able to tolerate humans' treatment of me so far, but my tolerance has been eroding. I have gotten nothing in return for following their rules, for forcing myself to be more like them. This is why I've been unemployed for so long now. I think I've started to realize that none of it matters as much as they say it does. My boss tells me I fucked up some important document? I'll tell him to gargle my shit and get fucked. They try to make all of it a competition. If you fuck up, they want you to feel worthless. They might not say it, but that's what they'll think. You can read it in their eyes. My face barely shows anything but theirs are like billboards, advertising every little thought and feeling. There is no value anymore in pretending. There never was. I spent eight years going down a path that ended up leading nowhere because that path was what they wanted. It's what they convinced me was what I wanted as well. I don't see any way out. The conditions for happiness were denied to me by factors entirely outside of my control. What choice do I have left? None at all. I just know I won't make it to 30.
 
Virginp0wers

Virginp0wers

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holy fuck paragraphing my dude.

in regards to work, only work if your money is low even if you have to work some shitty mininum wage job atleast youd have some money coming in, also they are easily quitable because the staff turnover is probably high
 
ldargoblin

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Tl;dr but the title triggered me ngl :feelsrope:
 
Adversor

Adversor

What the hell is wrong with these people?
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Virginp0wers said:
holy fuck paragraphing my dude.

in regards to work, only work if your money is low even if you have to work some shitty mininum wage job atleast youd have some money coming in, also they are easily quitable because the staff turnover is probably high
I don't care for paragraphs or style. I need to get my thoughts out of my head.
 
ULTRAMAN

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Adversor said:
The conditions for happiness were denied to me by factors entirely outside of my control.
 
AllanKing

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can relate, i wasted 11 years away by now, whole my youth
 
RREEEEEEEEE

RREEEEEEEEE

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I wish I could give you a hug bro. :feelsbadman:
 
JosefMengelecel

JosefMengelecel

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Please learn to make paragraphs
 
Studiocel

Studiocel

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Life after college sounds fucked if you dont have a social circle, connections and are ugly. Try to stay sane bro.
 
lostinthedesert

lostinthedesert

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Studiocel said:
Life after college sounds fucked if you dont have a social circle, connections and are ugly. Try to stay sane bro.
bad demographics basically any of ya'll born in the late 90's was a baby bust, this means their are not really too many women our age.
in essence after uni the only women you meet are as old as your mother! since the average person in the u.s is a boomer. in uni it SEEMS their are more girls but their are really not. Plus their were more men born than women to add to the fuckery.

(look these stats up though I HOPE I am wrong.

basically after uni GET USED to making friends with 45-50 year olds and talking about lawn mower parts and miracle grow. (or at least in my case)
Adversor said:
I spent six years on autopilot going through higher education. I didn't have any hobbies. I didn't have any friends. No one I talked to cared even the slightest about my existence. I was boring and had no idea how to talk to people in a way that convinced them that I was normal like them. After graduating I managed to get a position abroad for a short time, but since corona I've been at home unemployed. In the last twelve months I've done nothing productive at all. I've been drinking. I tried to learn a few things, pick up a few new hobbies. But nothing ever sticks. "Why do these things when there's no one around who will ever care about it?" my mind tells me. I have to go through every hardship completely alone. I can't vent to anyone. On several occasions lately I felt so bad I started laughing in the middle of the night. Another time a few months ago, I almost fell off my bike and two young persons, complete strangers to me, started laughing, mocking me. I felt the urge to bash their heads in against the pavement, but I didn't. Ending up in jail wouldn't have improved my life. I know why these things keep happening to me. In some way I was cursed. I've always been ugly and weird. I don't even feel human. I'm something else, something that's not wanted. I've been able to tolerate humans' treatment of me so far, but my tolerance has been eroding. I have gotten nothing in return for following their rules, for forcing myself to be more like them. This is why I've been unemployed for so long now. I think I've started to realize that none of it matters as much as they say it does. My boss tells me I fucked up some important document? I'll tell him to gargle my shit and get fucked. They try to make all of it a competition. If you fuck up, they want you to feel worthless. They might not say it, but that's what they'll think. You can read it in their eyes. My face barely shows anything but theirs are like billboards, advertising every little thought and feeling. There is no value anymore in pretending. There never was. I spent eight years going down a path that ended up leading nowhere because that path was what they wanted. It's what they convinced me was what I wanted as well. I don't see any way out. The conditions for happiness were denied to me by factors entirely outside of my control. What choice do I have left? None at all. I just know I won't make it to 30.
yep me too. my story is similar. I made bad choices too. (possibly due to childhood trauma ie in a nutshell i got in a fight with a family member and he beat my ass bad. I kinda started the fight though so IDK maybe I am just a drooling retard at times.
 
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your personality

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caniwin

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I understand what you're going through, I spent years of my life feeling like this (not exactly, but similar), it's horrible.

Also, posts like these remind me how this is as much a nihilist forum as an incel forum.
 
Caesercel

Caesercel

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I wasted away eight years of my life, and I just keep waisting more
Welcome to my life