Since I was a kid, I wanted to act. I was obsessed with Hollywood, blockbusters, all that big cinema shit. I was so passionate about it, like, it was the only thing that actually made life feel exciting. But my damn tics ruined everything. I tried joining theater in school, but they basically booted me out for "ruining" scenes. Ended up playing a literal fucking tree stump monster in some dumbass retarded play. Unseen, unheard, just moving there like an idiot while everyone else got to actually perform. Pathetic.
And my parents? They kept gaslighting me, saying the tics would magically "fade with time." So I just clung to that bullshit and poured everything into cinema as a way to cope. I stopped caring about school. Around that time, I had a friend from the Special Ed class, we were both awkward loners, total rejects, but he had a solid smartphone with a decent camera. We started a YouTube channel, filming all kinds of weird stuff and throwing in After Effects VFX like we were making mini-blockbusters. It was actually sick. Other dudes started wanting in when they saw what we could do. I obviously didn't act in those videos because I didn't want to expose my tics, because even the dudes we invited were trying not to make fun of me. But I didn't care, as it was necessary for our content. For the first time in my life, I felt like I had a purpose.
Then, of course, some normies snitched, pretty sure it were my bullies. The school found out, took his phone for "recording the school environment without permission." He left the next year. After that, I just stopped giving a shit completely. I dropped out not long after.
Sometimes I think, if our YouTube stuff had blown up, I could’ve been something. A director, an editor, something. But it didn’t. And now it’s been years… and I don’t know what I am anymore. No goals, no future. Just stuck.
And my parents? They kept gaslighting me, saying the tics would magically "fade with time." So I just clung to that bullshit and poured everything into cinema as a way to cope. I stopped caring about school. Around that time, I had a friend from the Special Ed class, we were both awkward loners, total rejects, but he had a solid smartphone with a decent camera. We started a YouTube channel, filming all kinds of weird stuff and throwing in After Effects VFX like we were making mini-blockbusters. It was actually sick. Other dudes started wanting in when they saw what we could do. I obviously didn't act in those videos because I didn't want to expose my tics, because even the dudes we invited were trying not to make fun of me. But I didn't care, as it was necessary for our content. For the first time in my life, I felt like I had a purpose.
Then, of course, some normies snitched, pretty sure it were my bullies. The school found out, took his phone for "recording the school environment without permission." He left the next year. After that, I just stopped giving a shit completely. I dropped out not long after.
Sometimes I think, if our YouTube stuff had blown up, I could’ve been something. A director, an editor, something. But it didn’t. And now it’s been years… and I don’t know what I am anymore. No goals, no future. Just stuck.
