S
After almost two months of nofap (by far the longest of my life), I finally took the courage to visit an escort.
29, short, slightly chubby girl, fine tits.
I paid for one hour, but the whole thing lasted for 30 minutes. Still, I didn't mind.
Not that it was bad, because it's not true. But it was not that good either. A little bit artificial. It was hard for me to cum, much harder than I thought it would be.
She was nice, (she was willing to French kiss me and gave me a raw blowjob, swallowed my cum and never humiliated me, even though I wasn't very good at all) but you know, after 28 years of inceldom I expected a sensation that will forever change my life.
Well, I left with the feeling, "Is that it? Is this the source of human life and the basically the primary motivator of everything in this world? It's overhyped"
It feels good physically (but not as good as I expected), but now I feel like.....I don't know. I feel like nothing has changed at all. I mean, I was with a girl, but I don't feel like I've changed at all. The only thing that's not the same compared to 3 hours ago, is that now I'm no longer a virgin, but now suddenly, it doesn't feel like an accomplishment. I just don't care.
The earth shattering revelation or epiphany that I expected before tonight (oh yeah, this is what life and everything is all about), didn't come. And I believe this is what many incels would want to get from this experience and generally, sex and validation from women. But it's just sex, no mystery, no secret, just two bodies. It was incredibly easy to throw off my clothes, just as she did it.
It's hard for me to tell you how exactly I feel. But after tonight, I think I won't be able to care about a lot of things that I did before. I still have inferiority complex towards 95% of the world, I'm ugly, I'm a loser, but I fell like it just doesn't matter. Life doesn't matter. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel suicidal at the moment, although this would still be the optimal solution for me, if I had the courage.
I don't feel like visiting an escort again in the near future. (Maybe if I find two bi girls, but even that fantasy might turn out to be somewhat of a disappointment in reality). I definitely won't marry a woman, nor enter in a relationship. I mean, it was impossible anyway, but now I can truly say that I want none of that. And right now, I don't even want to watch porn. I did watch a lot between short periods of nofap, but now I feel it just doesn't mean anything to me. I don't care about fantasy or desires, I experienced the real thing and....it's good, but not fantastic.
I still know that Chad and Stacy have a better life (and almost certainly better sex) than I just did, but now I don't feel the kind of frustration that I did before.
I'm empty.
I would like stay with this community, because it gave me more than any other in my life, but I don't know how I will belong here. I might turn into a fucking volcel, and suddenly, the thought doesn't fill me with rage. Maybe it will.
I encourage all incels who haven't tried it yet (and have the possibility to do so) to visit an escort. Just find someone, and get this over with. It's not worth the years or decades of frustration.
29, short, slightly chubby girl, fine tits.
I paid for one hour, but the whole thing lasted for 30 minutes. Still, I didn't mind.
Not that it was bad, because it's not true. But it was not that good either. A little bit artificial. It was hard for me to cum, much harder than I thought it would be.
She was nice, (she was willing to French kiss me and gave me a raw blowjob, swallowed my cum and never humiliated me, even though I wasn't very good at all) but you know, after 28 years of inceldom I expected a sensation that will forever change my life.
Well, I left with the feeling, "Is that it? Is this the source of human life and the basically the primary motivator of everything in this world? It's overhyped"
It feels good physically (but not as good as I expected), but now I feel like.....I don't know. I feel like nothing has changed at all. I mean, I was with a girl, but I don't feel like I've changed at all. The only thing that's not the same compared to 3 hours ago, is that now I'm no longer a virgin, but now suddenly, it doesn't feel like an accomplishment. I just don't care.
The earth shattering revelation or epiphany that I expected before tonight (oh yeah, this is what life and everything is all about), didn't come. And I believe this is what many incels would want to get from this experience and generally, sex and validation from women. But it's just sex, no mystery, no secret, just two bodies. It was incredibly easy to throw off my clothes, just as she did it.
It's hard for me to tell you how exactly I feel. But after tonight, I think I won't be able to care about a lot of things that I did before. I still have inferiority complex towards 95% of the world, I'm ugly, I'm a loser, but I fell like it just doesn't matter. Life doesn't matter. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel suicidal at the moment, although this would still be the optimal solution for me, if I had the courage.
I don't feel like visiting an escort again in the near future. (Maybe if I find two bi girls, but even that fantasy might turn out to be somewhat of a disappointment in reality). I definitely won't marry a woman, nor enter in a relationship. I mean, it was impossible anyway, but now I can truly say that I want none of that. And right now, I don't even want to watch porn. I did watch a lot between short periods of nofap, but now I feel it just doesn't mean anything to me. I don't care about fantasy or desires, I experienced the real thing and....it's good, but not fantastic.
I still know that Chad and Stacy have a better life (and almost certainly better sex) than I just did, but now I don't feel the kind of frustration that I did before.
I'm empty.
I would like stay with this community, because it gave me more than any other in my life, but I don't know how I will belong here. I might turn into a fucking volcel, and suddenly, the thought doesn't fill me with rage. Maybe it will.
I encourage all incels who haven't tried it yet (and have the possibility to do so) to visit an escort. Just find someone, and get this over with. It's not worth the years or decades of frustration.
