"Tonight I'm just venting about the ballpoint pen that I'm not sticking in your neck so I don't end up in jail."
Sometimes it's like I feel subordinate to an abuse of power, let me explain.
Imagine yourself locked in a room, handcuffed and where on the floor you have the most diverse weapons, as simple as knives, guns and in addition you have with you the keys of the same handcuffs in your hand. In front of you are other people, so your acquaintances, your family members, your "friends" who keep humiliating you, taunting you, touching sore points to provoke you.
You respond to their provocations, but you remain 1 against too many of them.
You have a chance to break free and give vent to your anger, but the police look at you impassively and remain "neutral" to what is happening because in the end it is just provocation.
This reminds me a lot of my middle school days, when I would see teachers remain impassive in the face of constant humiliation by bullies, even after several requests for help (and who were supposed to protect you). In that case you had your pen as a sword, at any time you could have thrust it into someone's neck and others in the same fit of rage, but you didn't, you obsessively thought about the inevitable consequences.
The reality is that I never got out of it, this is a form that is repeated from chapter to chapter, the environment changes, the people change but the succession of actions remains similar if not the same.
This is a venting post, to shape the hatred I feel toward some people so I don't vent it in other ways and risk losing precious years over some bullshit.
