Iamnothere000
Veteran
★★★★
- Joined
- Nov 13, 2019
- Posts
- 1,310
TW: pseudo bragging, high octane suicide fuel
So I was gone for a while if anybody has noticed.
Initially it was because I was wageslaving hard with my two jobs while helping my father build his (enormous) shed on my parents property during the weekends. They know I have no relationship so they take it for granted that I spend the weekends helping them out.
So I was just to exhausted to participate in this forum in a creative manner.
Funnily, the work progressed good and gave me a feeling of accomplishment. Some part of my reptile brain used this to convince me to try dating again by giving me false hope.
I re-installed tinder and some other dating aps and started swiping. I added my best photo (the one where the light is such that it hides my ace scars somewhat).
I also wrote a bio were I, obviously satirically, pretended to be some millionaire who tames sharks as a hobby and teachers them to give yoga lessons to old people. (I know its super cringe but that’s your brain on hopeium, also it will be relevant later on).
This went good with the work since I could do it on the side.
I had several non-bot matches with which I had good rapport (talking about hobby’s and my teaching job) before they just stopped responding (nothing new here).
So then there was one girl that kept talking to me became she found my bio funny and wanted to meet one of those yoga-sharks. She knew it was just a joke but we kept running with it. She was cute, a 6/10 if she lost some weight, but I was not thinking about that then because I was just happy about the situation.
Two weeks ago we met for a date in a local restaurant (I initiated carefully) and it went verry good. We talked and joked around for hours (she kept insisting on seeing a yoga shark, but I avoided). Also, we discussed our mutual interest for urban exploring.
At the evening, she had the idea of us going to an old industrial site at the city edge (I live in a harbor city with many silos and processing buildings). However, before that she insisted we go to her place so she could change.
She actually invited me (am man she had personally met just 5 hours ago) into her otherwise empty apartment and gave me something to drink while she was changing in her room. I’m just mentioning that to prove that I don’t give off creepy murder vibes.
So after that we went exploring (it was already dark) and at no point did it seem that she was afraid of me.
We separated and agreed to meet again the next week.
We chatted every day until then and she kept asking about this yoga shark. So I had an idea:
The company I’m working for knows another company that creates custom made plush animals/things for advertising purposes. You could choose some plush animal (a shark, for example) and then embroider some text or logo on it.
I ordered a “certified yoga shark” but it would arrive after our next date.
The next date (last weekend) also went pretty good and she was excited when I vaguely implied her that one of my sharks is on its way to the city (I know, super cringe). We again agreed to meet the following weekend (last weekend).
However, over the following days she grew distant and answered slower and with fewer words.
I tried not to be pushy but the evening before our scheduled date I had to know if she was still down to it.
She did not answer but I went to the restaurant (agreed upon time and place) regardless hoping she would show up.
Well, she did not and did not write anything. I wrote her one last message asking her if she is alright. However, still radio silence.
Part of my wants to go to her place and confront her but it’s a no-win situation.
The shark arrived just now and is sitting on my desk while I’m writing this. Its really cute but I will throw it away for obvious reasons.
This hurt my especially bad, it really feels like a permanent punch in the gut. Eve my coworker asked me if I was ok. I said I was just tired.
I’m not even angry at her (tho I should be) I’m just vaguely angry at myself for giving in to false hope.
If I did not have this forum to vent I would probably kill myself.
So I was gone for a while if anybody has noticed.
Initially it was because I was wageslaving hard with my two jobs while helping my father build his (enormous) shed on my parents property during the weekends. They know I have no relationship so they take it for granted that I spend the weekends helping them out.
So I was just to exhausted to participate in this forum in a creative manner.
Funnily, the work progressed good and gave me a feeling of accomplishment. Some part of my reptile brain used this to convince me to try dating again by giving me false hope.
I re-installed tinder and some other dating aps and started swiping. I added my best photo (the one where the light is such that it hides my ace scars somewhat).
I also wrote a bio were I, obviously satirically, pretended to be some millionaire who tames sharks as a hobby and teachers them to give yoga lessons to old people. (I know its super cringe but that’s your brain on hopeium, also it will be relevant later on).
This went good with the work since I could do it on the side.
I had several non-bot matches with which I had good rapport (talking about hobby’s and my teaching job) before they just stopped responding (nothing new here).
So then there was one girl that kept talking to me became she found my bio funny and wanted to meet one of those yoga-sharks. She knew it was just a joke but we kept running with it. She was cute, a 6/10 if she lost some weight, but I was not thinking about that then because I was just happy about the situation.
Two weeks ago we met for a date in a local restaurant (I initiated carefully) and it went verry good. We talked and joked around for hours (she kept insisting on seeing a yoga shark, but I avoided). Also, we discussed our mutual interest for urban exploring.
At the evening, she had the idea of us going to an old industrial site at the city edge (I live in a harbor city with many silos and processing buildings). However, before that she insisted we go to her place so she could change.
She actually invited me (am man she had personally met just 5 hours ago) into her otherwise empty apartment and gave me something to drink while she was changing in her room. I’m just mentioning that to prove that I don’t give off creepy murder vibes.
So after that we went exploring (it was already dark) and at no point did it seem that she was afraid of me.
We separated and agreed to meet again the next week.
We chatted every day until then and she kept asking about this yoga shark. So I had an idea:
The company I’m working for knows another company that creates custom made plush animals/things for advertising purposes. You could choose some plush animal (a shark, for example) and then embroider some text or logo on it.
I ordered a “certified yoga shark” but it would arrive after our next date.
The next date (last weekend) also went pretty good and she was excited when I vaguely implied her that one of my sharks is on its way to the city (I know, super cringe). We again agreed to meet the following weekend (last weekend).
However, over the following days she grew distant and answered slower and with fewer words.
I tried not to be pushy but the evening before our scheduled date I had to know if she was still down to it.
She did not answer but I went to the restaurant (agreed upon time and place) regardless hoping she would show up.
Well, she did not and did not write anything. I wrote her one last message asking her if she is alright. However, still radio silence.
Part of my wants to go to her place and confront her but it’s a no-win situation.
The shark arrived just now and is sitting on my desk while I’m writing this. Its really cute but I will throw it away for obvious reasons.
This hurt my especially bad, it really feels like a permanent punch in the gut. Eve my coworker asked me if I was ok. I said I was just tired.
I’m not even angry at her (tho I should be) I’m just vaguely angry at myself for giving in to false hope.
If I did not have this forum to vent I would probably kill myself.
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