LDAR I think I genuinely have depression. I understand now how it’s different from sadness. I have lost my sense of self-preservation

[NEB.feelsdevil]

You know that subconcious thought in the back of your head when you eat a fruit ? It tells you ‘’fruits are good and healthy, they have vitamins. It is good to stay healthy’’.

Or when you are thinking of purchasing an expensive item. The mind thought is saying ‘’this item may be too expensive and it is not essential. It is better not to purchase it, I should always have a sum of money saved for rainy days’’

Or when you stop yourself from any sort of excess. ‘’I have eaten too much sweets, I should stop’’. ‘’I have played video games for several hours straight, I should get up and stretch a bit.''

I seem to have lost these self-preservation thoughts. I do not care anymore. I can't seem to care about the future anymore. The cope illusion has been broken irreversibly. I know I have no future. I can only live day by day.

 

[Sasukecel]

It never even began

 

[ESL]

i js feel nothing most of the time tbh

 

[Deleted Member 8090]

Actually 98% of Mexicans also don't think those things so I think you'll be fine

 

[poorenglishcel]

Idk if i have depression or not. Maybe idk.

 

[NEB.feelsdevil]

Actually 98% of Mexicans also don't think those things so I think you'll be fine

Do not take Mexicans in derision. They are a logical people. Their country is called Mexico, their capital is named Mexico City, which is located in the Valley of Mexico.

 

[Icarus]

One of the realest threads that I have read.

 

[Icarus]

Don't blame yourself brocel, this is all we have.

 

[SteelCentaur]

It never even began

 

[NEB.feelsdevil]

You know that thought in the back of your head when you drink water that tells you ''it is good to be hydrated, you shoud drink at least 1.5l of water per day, especially during warm water''?

I don't seem to get it anymore, I noticed I don't drink as much water as before, I forget to.

 

[NEB.feelsdevil]

I'm also on the verge of telling my parents that I know it is finally over for me. I've finally come to terms with it after the bluepill illusion has been broken.

I've gotten fat recently, and when I tell my dad to buy me candy, he buys me candy, but always the smallest packaging possible. He buys me M&M candy in a 45g packaging, I had to specifically ask him to get me a larger 90g package.

He says he thinks I've been eating too many sweets, and that I should be careful. Then I can't help but say ''What's the point''? He then says ''It's for your health, to feel good''. And I'm like ''eh...''.

We seem to get into this circular argument. It happened at least 3 times.

 

[NEB.feelsdevil]

I know I've been sinking. I am desperately looking for ANY reason to keep me afloat. ANY reason at all to take me off the path of self-destruction, but there is nothing. There is nothing for me. There is no hope coming, no good thing coming. There is nothing for me.

 

[Dead End]

I'm also on the verge of telling my parents that I know it is finally over for me. I've finally come to terms with it after the bluepill illusion has been broken.

I've gotten fat recently, and when I tell my dad to buy me candy, he buys me candy, but always the smallest packaging possible. He buys me M&M candy in a 45g packaging, I had to specifically ask him to get me a larger 90g package.

He says he thinks I've been eating too many sweets, and that I should be careful. Then I can't help but say ''What's the point''? He then says ''It's for your health, to feel good''. And I'm like ''eh...''.

We seem to get into this circular argument. It happened at least 3 times.

My parents also pester me about my junkfood consumption and lack of exercise, but there is no reason for me to stay healthy. What are the risks? Dying young? I don't want to live past 30 anyways. Sure, my quality of life will decrease with health complications, but my life is shit regardless, so I find it hard to care. I don't really care and I'd rather take the comfort and pleasure of junkfood and laziness.

 

[NEB.feelsdevil]

I know for certain there is nothing coming for me because the only thing that would heal me and get me back on track is genuine love, affection and attention from a woman.

I'm not a stacycel, not a volcel, I'm a 2/10 ugly subhuman. All I need is my looksmatch low tier chubby Becky. To get a hello from her. A smiley emoji. ANY scrap at all, ANY piece of proof that I am not entirely repulsive to her, ANY speck of dust of hope, ANY shred of evidence that would show me that a woman can look at me without being violently disgusted.

 

[NEB.feelsdevil]

I am 31yo KHHV. I can't step foot outside without the humans reacting violently towards me, causing them to belch and spit on the ground when they look at my face.

Let's be real here. I'm never going to get any woman. It hasn't happened MY ENTIRE life, and it will not happen now.

 

[Todd Thundercock]

I always firmly abide by those self-preservation thoughts. How am I never depressed? I'm the biggest loser in the world.