Sitting at work today I was wondering why I haven't really progressed in my "career." It likely has something to do with how I'm a bad leader. But why am I a bad leader?
Then I thought about my volunteer job, as well as my day job. And realized that at both jobs, whenever the time comes to decide how to do something, I always defer to the other person.
Let's say I was a fence painter, and my superior comes over and says "Let's paint the fence black." I don't say "But that'll absorb heat, we should go with white." I defer to the manager. Like most people would. But let's THEN say the manager has left it up to the lower staff to decide. And me and my co-worker are trying to decide a color. My co-worker, who I have seniority over because I've been here longer, says "Let's paint it black." I still defer to my co-worker because "It's better for their growth as an employee to have some independence. I know how to paint a fence. But by letting them take charge like this, they'll learn to paint a fence too."
I don't have it in me to do it any other way. But I realize now I'm literally giving up opportunities so other people can have them. I help other people grow. That's why I don't grow. I'm a pawn. I'm the literal definition of an NPC. I'm perfectly independent when I'm by myself, but when the main characters are interacting with me, I exist to further their ends. There's gotta be a way to stop being like this. If there's even a point to it at my age.
Then I thought about my volunteer job, as well as my day job. And realized that at both jobs, whenever the time comes to decide how to do something, I always defer to the other person.
Let's say I was a fence painter, and my superior comes over and says "Let's paint the fence black." I don't say "But that'll absorb heat, we should go with white." I defer to the manager. Like most people would. But let's THEN say the manager has left it up to the lower staff to decide. And me and my co-worker are trying to decide a color. My co-worker, who I have seniority over because I've been here longer, says "Let's paint it black." I still defer to my co-worker because "It's better for their growth as an employee to have some independence. I know how to paint a fence. But by letting them take charge like this, they'll learn to paint a fence too."
I don't have it in me to do it any other way. But I realize now I'm literally giving up opportunities so other people can have them. I help other people grow. That's why I don't grow. I'm a pawn. I'm the literal definition of an NPC. I'm perfectly independent when I'm by myself, but when the main characters are interacting with me, I exist to further their ends. There's gotta be a way to stop being like this. If there's even a point to it at my age.
