E
Edmund_Kemper
Disregard my larping efforts. I can’t change it.
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- Joined
- Sep 26, 2019
- Posts
- 25,309
i know for sure at this point my life will never get better. and i can't do anything about it. no miracles will occur. miracles don't exist. we live for no reason and there is no god. there's nothingness after death and thats why im afraid to rope. i would die as a KHHV and somebody who is a lost cause. I can't find any meaning in my life anymore. I did when i was a kid but as an adult, life now has no meaning. I failed to achieve what my NT peers could achieve after elementary school. Middle school was still good but high school (despite being admittedly decent) was a 4-year forerunner to my current life (the first forerunner to my current life was 5th grade but 5th grade and HS were way better than my life now). Life before 5th grade was my peak though. Middle school was a break from forerunners for the most part (some omens of my current life but not much).
Life keeps getting worse. I can't do it. I tried to rebuild my life after 4.5 years of severe OCD in young adulthood taking over my life preventing me from doing anything with my life. I couldn't do anything and had made zero friends, no GF, no jobs, and didn't even finish college despite no job experience (if you didn't finish college you should at least have job experiences by my age). i tried to rebuild my life but keep failing.
i feel like i have to rope, but i can't let all the normal people with passable lives win. I sometimes worry i might become a mass shooter to escape my life without necessarily dying and i can live in my own cell away from the world. Maybe i'll rope after the massacre. I have never planned to do a mass shooting, but i sometimes worry what if i do? What if i only rope but nothing else? What if i go insane? What if i have a meltdown in public? What will i do unless miracles happen?
I was born cursed with my condition. It didn't ruin my life unless i stopped being a kid.
if mass shooters do it to make a name for themselves after being a lost cause with a shit life, i can now, at this point, understand why, given how humans don't give a shit about someone who cannot blend in socially or enjoy the benefits of the NT life. feeling alienated, i now hate humanity. I don't simply hate women as a gender per se (i hate men and women equally because they're humans), i just hate humans in general.
no FBI i don't plan anything
but who knows what my future is like? and i'm terrified. i wish i could meet my 5th grade self to warn him about his future as an underdog.
Life keeps getting worse. I can't do it. I tried to rebuild my life after 4.5 years of severe OCD in young adulthood taking over my life preventing me from doing anything with my life. I couldn't do anything and had made zero friends, no GF, no jobs, and didn't even finish college despite no job experience (if you didn't finish college you should at least have job experiences by my age). i tried to rebuild my life but keep failing.
i feel like i have to rope, but i can't let all the normal people with passable lives win. I sometimes worry i might become a mass shooter to escape my life without necessarily dying and i can live in my own cell away from the world. Maybe i'll rope after the massacre. I have never planned to do a mass shooting, but i sometimes worry what if i do? What if i only rope but nothing else? What if i go insane? What if i have a meltdown in public? What will i do unless miracles happen?
I was born cursed with my condition. It didn't ruin my life unless i stopped being a kid.
if mass shooters do it to make a name for themselves after being a lost cause with a shit life, i can now, at this point, understand why, given how humans don't give a shit about someone who cannot blend in socially or enjoy the benefits of the NT life. feeling alienated, i now hate humanity. I don't simply hate women as a gender per se (i hate men and women equally because they're humans), i just hate humans in general.
no FBI i don't plan anything
but who knows what my future is like? and i'm terrified. i wish i could meet my 5th grade self to warn him about his future as an underdog.