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It has been nearly three years since I took the BP and fully accepted my status as a subpar male.
Since then, It has been an extremely difficult journey. Realizing that achieving my goals would not bring me fulfilment due to my ugly face, destroyed me in so many ways, I can't describe in words. The moment I understood that no amount of hard work could change my fate, it felt like my entire life was a joke.
The thing is, I was always suicidal, even as a kid, I always thought about ending it all. As a teen, I would spend the whole night thinking about ways I could rope. I even joined some forums and read 200 pages+ documents, had everything planned and was ready to do the ACT last year. However, suddenly I lost this desire, I don't know why and I don't know how, but now I don't want to be THE ONE to take my life.
Don't get me wrong, I desperately want to die, being an oldcel is something I want to avoid at all costs, but I simply can't ROPE. I wish I got ill and died YOUNG. I have so much envy towards guys like River Phoenix and Zyzz for dying in their prime days without having to commit suicide.
This is something I never experienced after I took BP. I want to make plans, get some money and fight this shit world.
All feelings of depression, sadness and frustration disappeared like magic.
I believe my brain has finally fully assimilated the BP and now I can start living after a whole life of pure torture, suicidal thoughts and bad feelings.
Since then, It has been an extremely difficult journey. Realizing that achieving my goals would not bring me fulfilment due to my ugly face, destroyed me in so many ways, I can't describe in words. The moment I understood that no amount of hard work could change my fate, it felt like my entire life was a joke.
The thing is, I was always suicidal, even as a kid, I always thought about ending it all. As a teen, I would spend the whole night thinking about ways I could rope. I even joined some forums and read 200 pages+ documents, had everything planned and was ready to do the ACT last year. However, suddenly I lost this desire, I don't know why and I don't know how, but now I don't want to be THE ONE to take my life.
Don't get me wrong, I desperately want to die, being an oldcel is something I want to avoid at all costs, but I simply can't ROPE. I wish I got ill and died YOUNG. I have so much envy towards guys like River Phoenix and Zyzz for dying in their prime days without having to commit suicide.
This is something I never experienced after I took BP. I want to make plans, get some money and fight this shit world.
All feelings of depression, sadness and frustration disappeared like magic.
I believe my brain has finally fully assimilated the BP and now I can start living after a whole life of pure torture, suicidal thoughts and bad feelings.
