SuicideFuel I lost the battle in my mind - can't let go of the pre 2015 era and the past

[Justanotherbloke]

I’ve been carrying this weight for years now.. a constant gnawing feeling that something was taken from me, or maybe that I just lost it and never got it back. I keep going back to the years before 2015. Back when I was in my mid teens and life felt easier. Not necessarily happy, but simpler. There was still some kind of hope, even if I couldn’t see it clearly back then. There was at least the illusion that things could eventually turn out okay.
The vibe from the pre 2015 era was my only happiness.
I'm here years later still clinging to that version of the world like some ghost that refuses to move on. I’ve tried to get over it, to move forward like everyone else seems to. But it’s like my brain is frozen in time. My body aged, the world moved on, but my soul never left that era. Every year that goes by, I keep hoping something will snap into place and I’ll finally feel like an adult, like I belong in this timeline. But it never happens.

And I think I’ve finally hit the point where I can admit it to myself that I lost. The past won. Whatever battle was going on inside my mind to move on, to let go, to adapt etc I lost it.
I look ahead and all I see is emptiness, routine, disappointment. Just more time to kill until it ends. There’s no story arc, no redemption. Just static.
I don't live life currently, im surviving and would rather delete myself if I can't get that era of happiness back.

 

[Justanotherbloke]

Pre 2015 was the ER - ERa BTW,

 

[Justanotherbloke]

Pre 2015 was the ER - ERa BTW,

His vibe, that 2015 mid level quality of the camera, the 2015 sunset of him in his car near the beach, the pre 2015 energy in general....

 

[Pancakecel]

If only we could time travel back

 

[Lonely Soul]

I feel the same way. For me its the 2015-2019 era. My mind can not move on from it. I play the same games and listen to the same music that came out around that time.

 

[Justanotherbloke]

If only we could time travel back

I think unfortunately physically we are not able to do so, and even if we had access to such technology, our sorry ass governments would keep everything classified and that stuff would be locked up in remote sites such as area 51 or other area's we didn't know of even existed.

 

[Justanotherbloke]

I feel the same way. For me its the 2015-2019 era. My mind can not move on from it. I play the same games and listen to the same music that came out around that time.

Everything pre 2020 was golden, also, in 2019 I've had better mental.health even though I was in the same predicament. Somehow it was so much easier to cope.
But yea, 2015 is the diamond era for me.
But I think we can all agree everything after 2020 is shit, unless you're some retarded dumb normie from .org.
Glad we can relate

 

[DarkStar]

Yup, ik how u feel bro

 

[Emba]

~2015 (?) is when my computer got hit by lightning during a backup... Lost everything.

Now everything's wireless. More immune to lightning. But all those files are gone.

I has my computer set up to talk and everything! It was cool.

 

[Beck]

i miss the ignorance i had in my younger years

just sitting on my ass everyday after school playing my favorite mmo and jrpgs

although i am thankful for the peace that bp brought me knowing its not my fault

 

[Justanotherbloke]

Yup, ik how u feel bro

Having someone who can relate brings me mental peace

 

[Justanotherbloke]

i miss the ignorance i had in my younger years

Good old bluepill days

 

[Emba]

All the scars are on the inside


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUwh-C5w7II

 

[Justanotherbloke]

~2015 (?) is when my computer got hit by lightning during a backup... Lost everything.

Now everything's wireless. More immune to lightning. But all those files are gone.

I has my computer set up to talk and everything! It was cool.

Brutal. A lightning strike mid backup sounds like a nightmare, especially back then, when local storage was still king and cloud redundancy wasn’t as baked into everyday workflows. It’s crazy how much more resilient setups have become now with wireless gear, surge protection, and auto-syncing to the cloud. Still, But matter how advanced things get, there's something irreplaceable about those old files in your case I guess. You cant buy old files back, no money can buy memories that are of value to us

 

[Heaven In Flames]

If only we could time travel back

I often think about this, but at this point I realized I was fucked from birth and it never began. Best case scenario is me never being born.

 

[Justanotherbloke]

I often think about this, but at this point I realized I was fucked from birth and it never began. Best case scenario is me never being born.

I think unfortunately physically we are not able to do so, and even if we had access to such technology, our sorry ass governments would keep everything classified and that stuff would be locked up in remote sites such as area 51 or other area's we didn't know of even existed.

 

[Emba]

Brutal. A lightning strike mid backup sounds like a nightmare, especially back then, when local storage was still king and cloud redundancy wasn’t as baked into everyday workflows. It’s crazy how much more resilient setups have become now with wireless gear, surge protection, and auto-syncing to the cloud. Still, But matter how advanced things get, there's something irreplaceable about those old files in your case I guess. You cant buy old files back, no money can buy memories that are of value to us

It was brutal.

 

[Misogynist Vegeta]

For me it was mid 2016, That's when i got my first dose of the blackpill. I realized i wasn't going to have the same future as my classmates, that getting girlfriend or friends wasn't gonna happen no matter what plan i would hatch for myself in the morning of each day. But the light in my eyes still remained despite the many times i found myself reflecting upon the past in a sad light. mid 2023 is when I lost the battle everything about me collapsed the person who I once was ceased to exist leveling a sad husk, which eventually lead me to joining this site.

 

[Justanotherbloke]

For me it was mid 2016, That's when i got my first dose of the blackpill. I realized i wasn't going to have the same future as my classmates, that getting girlfriend or friends wasn't gonna happen no matter what plan i would hatch for myself in the morning of each day. But the light in my eyes still remained despite the many times i found myself reflecting upon the past in a sad light. mid 2023 is when I lost the battle everything about me collapsed the person who I once was ceased to exist leveling a sad husk, which eventually lead me to joining this site.

Felt echoes of myself in what you wrote. For me 2015 marked the last time life felt malleable and a full of quiet potential rather than quiet resignation. Since then, plans have become more like rituals, actions repeated out of habit not hope.
Same story here with 2023, It’s not always one moment that breaks us, but the slow unspooling of identity.

 

[Misogynist Vegeta]

Felt echoes of myself in what you wrote. For me 2015 marked the last time life felt malleable and a full of quiet potential rather than quiet resignation. Since then, plans have become more like rituals, actions repeated out of habit not hope.
Same story here with 2023, It’s not always one moment that breaks us, but the slow unspooling of identity.

From 2016 to 2018ish I lost the identity I once had but in it's place I built a new one but the foundation was built on many broken pieces glued together, it held for half a decade until one day the glue couldn't hold anything together anymore. All a result of being unable to change the direction of my life it's like I'm on autopilot slowly flying into a mountain with no ability to steer myself away.

 

[Justanotherbloke]

From 2016 to 2018ish I lost the identity I once had but in it's place I built a new one but the foundation was built on many broken pieces glued together, it held for half a decade until one day the glue couldn't hold anything together anymore. All a result of being unable to change the direction of my life it's like I'm on autopilot slowly flying into a mountain with no ability to steer myself away.

Building something out of what’s left, even if the pieces were never meant to fit together. It’s a kind of survival that feels like progress until one day the cracks become too obvious to ignore, and the whole thing starts to give under its own weight.
That sense of being on autopilot hits close. It's not that you’ve stopped caring entirely, more like the map got torn up a long time ago and now you're just moving forward because stopping feels worse, even though you don´t have a clear direction.
For me around late 2020, that´s where the last nail into the coffin of my identity was given.

 

[UnchargedSamsung]

I miss pre covid, idk I was coping with life better and I had more energy back then.

 

[Justanotherbloke]

I miss pre covid, idk I was coping with life better and I had more energy back then.

I think we should stop complaining, let´s ´build back better´, fellow goy.

 

[UnchargedSamsung]

I think we should stop complaining, let´s ´build back better´, fellow goy.

Yeah, I need to stop smoking weed, drinking alcohol, and eating goyslop on the weekends. I do workout on the weekdays, but as soon as Saturday and Sunday comes I just fucking self sabotage myself and it’s probably my biggest issue as to why I’m low on energy all the time lmfao.

And what fucking sucks is that I was sober from any drugs(besides caffeine) for 3 months, but goddamn it! That drank and mush really makes me enjoy media consumption more.

 

[Justanotherbloke]

And what fucking sucks is that I was sober from any drugs(besides caffeine) for 3 months, but goddamn it! That drank and mush really makes me enjoy media consumption more.

Caffeine (black coffee in my case) is absolutely fine, don't let any kike tell you it's bad. It's bad when you consume it mixed with tons of chemicals, sugar and other processed ingredients such as those energy drinks which is most likely the source of caffeine you're talking about.