Men aren’t supposed to cry but with how many problems there are in my life I’m surprised I haven’t truly broke down and started crying. I even tried to purposely cry and I fucking can’t I can’t just bawl out and let my emotions out. There was months where I never vented and bottled all my shit up I don’t even tell my full scale problems to my psychiatrist. The last time I cried was exactly a year ago during the holiday season and realizing I couldn’t spend it with my father. Many days throughout this year I had to comfort my crying mother and her crying genuinely pained me to hear. It seems life for ugly non NT men is just bad overall. Most of these people with good lives never had to suffer and live easy lives they get depressed over things like a breakup or at worst a divorce. But they can at least have some foundation or accomplishment they can lay on top of. I don’t, I wouldn’t even mind not being able to get women if I didn’t have a large amount of problems on top of it. I can’t even cope on a lot of social platforms I use because I kept getting banned on stuff like discord. I can stick with nothing good in my life and I hate the misery I have to experience and know it’s gonna get worse. If it wasn’t for my mother I would’ve already killed myself, I remember thinking how cool it was and how I had to larp as being depressed in my younger years. The normies I talked to always claimed they were depressed, and although my life wasn’t perfect I always pretended I had some problems. But it’s gotten far worse and now I truly am depressed and not just for mood swings but because of how horrific the events and experiences I’ve had in my life had been.
