I've been a very mentally ill person for over a decade now, ever since Middle School. My school attendance was atrocious as a result, and I feel like I "missed" a large chunk of my life. I haven't had friends in over a year, and I'm an incel, of course. I've always struggled socially. I have social anxiety, and I have a hard time shaking people's hands without it being awkward. I have a hard time ending conversations and saying goodbye. When I do have conversations, I have a hard time holding small talk. When I talk to family members, I end up ranting about my interests because I feel as if there's nothing else to talk about. They barely put up with it and tolerate it, I realize that in the moment, but I still continue because I just lose myself, I know they don't care, but I have no one else to talk to. Even the people I've met in my hobbies don't care about me. Even friendships I've had or attempted to cultivate have ended poorly or are like walking on eggshells. I have very autistic interests. I like trains, planes, and military vehicles. I like photographing them. I guess I just continued with my childhood interests instead of "growing". I like politics, philosophy, psychology, history, metaphysics, and science, although more passively. I'm most certainly mentally ill, but I'm likely neurodivergent to some extent. My family treats me, and has expectations of me that treat me like I'm normal. I'm clearly not. They're currently hounding me to get a job; meanwhile, I wasn't able to even successfully attend school without extreme amounts of absences. Missing a day or even two days of work in a row in this economy will get you fired in an instant, not like getting a job is easy these days, either.
