Death
死
★
- Joined
- Apr 21, 2022
- Posts
- 94
Fuck. I really don't want this to feel like a brag because I'm not particularly proud or happy of it either, but I feel weird that I don't care. Wasn't this the goal? Why doesn't it matter?
I found a girl a year younger than me online who lives on the other side of the country of me. She's about average looking and pretty small (5'2 95lbs) and she seems to like me more or less. I'm also about average looking, but I'm not NT which is the main reason I'm an incel. She's pretty mentally ill, like worse off than I am. She's pretty insecure about herself and probably has an eating disorder of some sort, which I use to my advantage. She also sends me nudes & whatnot, which I appreciate. I can't really imagine she's talking to many other people, as she is very difficult to talk to & seems to have endured a lot of trauma. If she were a guy she'd be an mentalcel 1000%.
I haven't met her in real life yet, but I do plan to. I don't know why though. It's such an odd way to end; maybe I'm in disbelief? I don't even like her especially as a person; she's honestly pretty boring and is the archetypical foid, I suppose.
I know she's real, as we have video called before, so I'm not really worried about that. But I don't even know how I got here. Am I just insanely lucky? Probably. Is this going to improve my life at all? I doubt it. I just feel like everything I accomplish is another step closer to death, because nothing I do makes me happy. I was poor, so I made money. Still not happy. I'm about to get laid, but I still won't be happy.
What the fuck am I meant to do? Neurodivergence is a curse and I don't think I'll ever be happy, and I fucking hate that I'll never know what it's like to be a bumbling NT retard who can just exist without thinking about death all the time.
I found a girl a year younger than me online who lives on the other side of the country of me. She's about average looking and pretty small (5'2 95lbs) and she seems to like me more or less. I'm also about average looking, but I'm not NT which is the main reason I'm an incel. She's pretty mentally ill, like worse off than I am. She's pretty insecure about herself and probably has an eating disorder of some sort, which I use to my advantage. She also sends me nudes & whatnot, which I appreciate. I can't really imagine she's talking to many other people, as she is very difficult to talk to & seems to have endured a lot of trauma. If she were a guy she'd be an mentalcel 1000%.
I haven't met her in real life yet, but I do plan to. I don't know why though. It's such an odd way to end; maybe I'm in disbelief? I don't even like her especially as a person; she's honestly pretty boring and is the archetypical foid, I suppose.
I know she's real, as we have video called before, so I'm not really worried about that. But I don't even know how I got here. Am I just insanely lucky? Probably. Is this going to improve my life at all? I doubt it. I just feel like everything I accomplish is another step closer to death, because nothing I do makes me happy. I was poor, so I made money. Still not happy. I'm about to get laid, but I still won't be happy.
What the fuck am I meant to do? Neurodivergence is a curse and I don't think I'll ever be happy, and I fucking hate that I'll never know what it's like to be a bumbling NT retard who can just exist without thinking about death all the time.