RageFuel I had a mental breakdown episode and wished someone killed me

[SnakeCel]

This life is so fucking infuriating. Like why does everything have to be so fucking difficult. I can't get anything I want from this life. It's because everything is a fucking uphill battle. I never see the fruits of my labor or the results of my efforts.

Literally everything is expensive out the ass, and I can't afford the copes I want. Even though I wageslave 40+ hours a week. Things continue to get shittier. Meanwhile I see my former peers continue to ascend financially and socially. People that I once knew from school and such. People are getting married, getting promoted, getting cool or badass cars, getting popular on social media, buying houses even. I'm stuck, I'm trapped, in the same shitty situation that I was 7 years ago.

Anytime I try to progress or better myself I am hounded, belittled, etc until I give in. Even by "friends" and "family". Everyone treats my efforts as worthless even if I do something for them. Everyone treats my ideas as complete shit. They are probably right.

I'm also stuck in my head. Besides here and venting to AI, I can't be honest about any of this to anyone I know in real life. It wouldn't even help me, in fact they would use it as ammunition against me. They are two faced. All of them.

There's endless waves of constant judgement upon me. I am rejected and given horrible treatment even if I am trying just to keep to myself. I don't want to interact with people but they exist in my life and try to interact with me anyways. I wish they would all just go away from me. Just leave me to withdraw from this world and be alone.

I don't want to even live in this body anymore. It makes me fucking sick to even look at myself in the mirror. I can't stand the sight of myself.

Just a minute ago I was going fucking nuts by myself, yelling at myself to kill myself in the mirror. I was shaking with rage. At myself. Because I fucking hate myself and I hate this life.

And there's no way out of this for me. I can't escape it at all. Soon 7 years of this shit will become 8. Then 9. 10. And so on. Until it ends somehow one day when I die.

I'm going fucking insane due to this.

 

[Renegade#1]

no wageslaving 4 ur face

 

[Grodd]

I had a mental breakdown a while ago and nothing has changed for the better.

 

[cursed]

if you can't escape reality sedate yourself. it won't change anything but might become more tolerable or insignificant.
You definitely should find a psychiatrist you gotta be upfront about it. I don't believe it works for me but it validated all my doubts.
I didn't went there myself but i heard of a third person that went there and i can relate a lot to this person.
The root of all my anguish is my family but sure that's what those cultists would tell you 'get away from your family so we can mid rape you'
because that's makes you vulnerable and subjectable thus getting mind raped.

In my personal life i know i have to take action and do something but i am resistant to change really stubborn.
The only person that will manifest change and make it happen is yourself.

Have you ever tried to rent a motel or something (assuming you are in america) maybe try that for a month see if that makes you more at ease.

I'm of a belief that i should be taking medicine if someone's is the cause of this problem because its environmental related thus changing your environment could help. that's the theory behind the just get a motel6 room.

Are you a numbers guy?
maybe if you run the numbers learn finances and be able to lay out a plan in a spreadsheet
monitor your life though spreadsheets that might be worth looking into.

Something i'd do if i had real income or a job is the above.
Treat it like a RPG if you're into that.

I don't have the solution i'm just diluting everything that i heard out there
that i think it's worth doing that would definitely help me or its not bullshit.
and of course everything is easier said than done.

If you're dead then these same people will use you as case example making them moral arbitrators of the truth
and you definitely do not want to validate their assumptions about you.
when you are dead its a + on their books your alive you keep them angry.
your enemies what to see your demise. don't give em the taste of it.
if it helps to visualize you don't want them Fortnite emoting your death.
never let them smell that sweet victory. they do not deserve it.

 

[Caichan]

You need to chill

 

[Ricer]

no wageslaving 4 ur face