C
Celophane
Greycel
★
- Joined
- Jan 17, 2023
- Posts
- 26
So, this is going to be my first post here. Wall of text incoming
I give up. Not just on ascending but on life in general. I really tried my best. I picked up hobbies, i learned skills, i put myself out thereI was the bluepill progressive soft boy during high school and first two years of college. I tried gymmaxxing and going redpill after that. Nothing ever worked. I was a nobody and i am a nobody. Most people are barely even aware that i exist. Nobody texts me, nobody invites me anywhere. Maybe some old friends contact me once per year but that's usually when they need to complain about their relationships. I have maybe two friends but i say it loosely, it's just the two people who won't turn down my invititations or leave me on delivered. Everyone else just ignores me. It's not that they hate me, if we meet by accident we can have a somewhat pleasant convo, but they sure as hell won't waste their time on me. My dating life consists of at least a hundred ghosts and the so-called polite rejections and i lost my virginity to a hooker last year at the age of 24. I also tried to kill myself before that, and honestly i really should have. Now i'm pretty much a wreck. All the loneliness and humiliation, being societies punching bag and scapegoat over the years slowly killed all my will to live. Also the lack of support. Over the years i opened up to a few people who convinced me to do it and i always regretted it.
My mother just laughed at me, downplayed everything and told me that i will be super popular. Why? Cuz i'm a gentleman, loyal, punctual, honest and very polite. My sister jus rolled her eyes and told me to quit whining and put myself out there. Even when i told her that i put myself out there but it changes nothing. Eyeroll, sigh "put yourself out there more", "get more hobbies", "try tinder".
And then there was that wannabe therapist. In my bluepill days i became friends with this one feminist for two months. She didn't really respect me that much but she acted like she appreciates me and i was happy that i'm finally part of some group. Then she pressured me to open up about my issues, promised me a proper therapy and help with whatever i need. And i got a real life version of an IncelTear comment section for a month. Lots of swearing. telling me to quit whining, gaslighting me into thinking i have a shitton of mental health issues (that i have now also thanks to her and people like her), telling me i'm an entitled straight white man, bitter miosgynist (the worst thing i said about women at that time was that they don't put that much effort on tinder because they get a lot of matches) etc. etc. Most of the things she accused me off she did herself. Since i genuenly tried at that time to be a good male ally this threw me into massive guilt until i got a severe mental breakdown and needed to go on pills for half a year. This was my first blackpill experience and made me realise what feminists really are.
I give up. Not just on ascending but on life in general. I really tried my best. I picked up hobbies, i learned skills, i put myself out thereI was the bluepill progressive soft boy during high school and first two years of college. I tried gymmaxxing and going redpill after that. Nothing ever worked. I was a nobody and i am a nobody. Most people are barely even aware that i exist. Nobody texts me, nobody invites me anywhere. Maybe some old friends contact me once per year but that's usually when they need to complain about their relationships. I have maybe two friends but i say it loosely, it's just the two people who won't turn down my invititations or leave me on delivered. Everyone else just ignores me. It's not that they hate me, if we meet by accident we can have a somewhat pleasant convo, but they sure as hell won't waste their time on me. My dating life consists of at least a hundred ghosts and the so-called polite rejections and i lost my virginity to a hooker last year at the age of 24. I also tried to kill myself before that, and honestly i really should have. Now i'm pretty much a wreck. All the loneliness and humiliation, being societies punching bag and scapegoat over the years slowly killed all my will to live. Also the lack of support. Over the years i opened up to a few people who convinced me to do it and i always regretted it.
My mother just laughed at me, downplayed everything and told me that i will be super popular. Why? Cuz i'm a gentleman, loyal, punctual, honest and very polite. My sister jus rolled her eyes and told me to quit whining and put myself out there. Even when i told her that i put myself out there but it changes nothing. Eyeroll, sigh "put yourself out there more", "get more hobbies", "try tinder".
And then there was that wannabe therapist. In my bluepill days i became friends with this one feminist for two months. She didn't really respect me that much but she acted like she appreciates me and i was happy that i'm finally part of some group. Then she pressured me to open up about my issues, promised me a proper therapy and help with whatever i need. And i got a real life version of an IncelTear comment section for a month. Lots of swearing. telling me to quit whining, gaslighting me into thinking i have a shitton of mental health issues (that i have now also thanks to her and people like her), telling me i'm an entitled straight white man, bitter miosgynist (the worst thing i said about women at that time was that they don't put that much effort on tinder because they get a lot of matches) etc. etc. Most of the things she accused me off she did herself. Since i genuenly tried at that time to be a good male ally this threw me into massive guilt until i got a severe mental breakdown and needed to go on pills for half a year. This was my first blackpill experience and made me realise what feminists really are.