I feel less than human

[Meeku]

I've been beaten down by life and people all my life, there's nothing else to take from it. Grew up basically friendless and with a family that basically were strangers in my own home. It's like I was sentenced to solitary confinement from birth, but with a window so I could see everything I missed out on. I've been on my own for so long anything else feels unnatural, yet I crave companionship. What really cuts deep is missing out on all the foundational experiences people see as just natural childhood/adolescent milestones. People talk about missing out on teenage love a lot, but I missed out on things like sleepovers or a group of friends at all. Instead I spent childhood inside my room, ignored by everyone and everything. I don't know if I even want a "normie" life anymore. I didn't get to experience childhood, so what's the point of adulthood? The only reason people handle adulthood is looking back on their youth and feeling like they lead a full life. I don't. Instead I look back at everything I missed that just got worse and worse each year. Subconsciously I'm waiting for experiences that I fundamentally missed the boat on. The lack of which will plague me for the rest of my life. Never again will I be in an environment that's "safe" enough for social mistakes to be made. I'm expected to have gone through that stage and since I never did the issue just gets compounded. Responsibilities and what's expected of you keeps increasing and eventually you're just so far away from the average person society as a whole makes you feel like you don't belong. Sure I could pretend I'm like everyone else and supposedly lead a normal life, but like mentioned previously I'm perpetually haunted by my past memories, and at the same time it's a very hard thing to do. You can't keep up an act forever, eventually your character breaks and everything crumbles.

 

[Moroccancel]

The psyops works so well that our sexual value determines our humanity while white knights beat us because they want to make us understand that for them, we are not worthy of living.

One day my hand, in a beautiful literary work, will destroy their heads, drink their blood and violate their female bodies beheaded.

 

[RicaGames]

Very sad and brutal history OP. How old are you? do you think its truly over?

 

[Lonelyus]

I've been beaten down by life and people all my life, there's nothing else to take from it. Grew up basically friendless and with a family that basically were strangers in my own home. It's like I was sentenced to solitary confinement from birth, but with a window so I could see everything I missed out on. I've been on my own for so long anything else feels unnatural, yet I crave companionship. What really cuts deep is missing out on all the foundational experiences people see as just natural childhood/adolescent milestones. People talk about missing out on teenage love a lot, but I missed out on things like sleepovers or a group of friends at all. Instead I spent childhood inside my room, ignored by everyone and everything. I don't know if I even want a "normie" life anymore. I didn't get to experience childhood, so what's the point of adulthood? The only reason people handle adulthood is looking back on their youth and feeling like they lead a full life. I don't. Instead I look back at everything I missed that just got worse and worse each year. Subconsciously I'm waiting for experiences that I fundamentally missed the boat on. The lack of which will plague me for the rest of my life. Never again will I be in an environment that's "safe" enough for social mistakes to be made. I'm expected to have gone through that stage and since I never did the issue just gets compounded. Responsibilities and what's expected of you keeps increasing and eventually you're just so far away from the average person society as a whole makes you feel like you don't belong. Sure I could pretend I'm like everyone else and supposedly lead a normal life, but like mentioned previously I'm perpetually haunted by my past memories, and at the same time it's a very hard thing to do. You can't keep up an act forever, eventually your character breaks and everything crumbles.

Why would you want to hang out with people when you know theyre true nature even if you were to someday ascend

 

[cripplecel]

I am alien

 

[Namtriz912]

I agree! When you've not got too much fond memories to look back on you think you can't go on so you just stagnate in life. It takes far more will power than needed for you to just get back into the world.

 

[Ahriman]

I think back to my past all the time, all the things I missed out on. Every night almost. But it's been so long now that I, just like you said, don't think I even want a normie life anymore, and I think I'm not capable to either due to all the psychological damage... I wanted to be normal so badly, but now I just feel like I rather not be. I almost want revenge on society for all the hardship I hard to go through early on in life. It's just too late...

 

[Lonesome Bright]

I've been beaten down by life and people all my life, there's nothing else to take from it. Grew up basically friendless and with a family that basically were strangers in my own home. It's like I was sentenced to solitary confinement from birth, but with a window so I could see everything I missed out on. I've been on my own for so long anything else feels unnatural, yet I crave companionship. What really cuts deep is missing out on all the foundational experiences people see as just natural childhood/adolescent milestones. People talk about missing out on teenage love a lot, but I missed out on things like sleepovers or a group of friends at all. Instead I spent childhood inside my room, ignored by everyone and everything. I don't know if I even want a "normie" life anymore. I didn't get to experience childhood, so what's the point of adulthood? The only reason people handle adulthood is looking back on their youth and feeling like they lead a full life. I don't. Instead I look back at everything I missed that just got worse and worse each year. Subconsciously I'm waiting for experiences that I fundamentally missed the boat on. The lack of which will plague me for the rest of my life. Never again will I be in an environment that's "safe" enough for social mistakes to be made. I'm expected to have gone through that stage and since I never did the issue just gets compounded. Responsibilities and what's expected of you keeps increasing and eventually you're just so far away from the average person society as a whole makes you feel like you don't belong. Sure I could pretend I'm like everyone else and supposedly lead a normal life, but like mentioned previously I'm perpetually haunted by my past memories, and at the same time it's a very hard thing to do. You can't keep up an act forever, eventually your character breaks and everything crumbles.

mate may I add you? I am in a similar sitation but not as bad as yours