I don't know what to do. I don't think I can take this anymore. The days go on and on, everyday is the same, there is no end. Every night I spend alone in front of the computer, doing nothing. I feel like I'm destined by fate to be alone forever, even on the rare occasion that I spend time with other people I don't fit in at all, and everyone can tell that I'm different. I don't know what I hate more, myself or everyone else. Every weekend I see these scum that think they are too good for me posting about their fun adventures on social media, how they go to bars and hang out with beautiful girls. Some even have relationships. I can't even look at girls anymore without intense feelings of sadness, isolation and self hatred. I just want to become a person like everyone else, with a sense of belonging and a meaning to my life. I want a regular job and a girl that will love me for who I am. But I will never experience this. I lost the genetic lottery and I will pay for that for the rest of my life. On the rare chance that I actually manage to get a date with a girl I always scare her away. She won't return my calls or answer the phone when I message her, I don't know what I did wrong. I am really so autistic? I can no longer imagine myself in a positive future, either I am roping before I turn 25 or I'm going to sit in a messy small apartment, working some shittty dead end job that I hate. If I really am chosen by fate to be lonely and isolated for the rest of my life I don't know what choice I have. Wageslaving or death I suppose.
If I fall in love with a girl I always get filled with hope that she might make me ascend from this life and give me a sense of purpose. But when she rejects me I realize how much she is just like the others, always starting friendly and then turning cold and distant.
I don't know what I want with this thread, aside from venting. Thanks for listening and reading all this shit anyway. Hope you have a great day.
If I fall in love with a girl I always get filled with hope that she might make me ascend from this life and give me a sense of purpose. But when she rejects me I realize how much she is just like the others, always starting friendly and then turning cold and distant.
I don't know what I want with this thread, aside from venting. Thanks for listening and reading all this shit anyway. Hope you have a great day.
