Live as a ponycel is very lonely. It's hard to even consider my surrogate humans any form of friends or "family". It's kinda like people call their dogs "family" - yeah, you can be close, but a dog won't replace your grandma, it's a completely different kind of relation. Two days ago I got reminded my surrogate human "parents" are only humans and they can't empathize with me on any level deeper than you can empathize with a wounded animal - our values are just too different to understand each other more than "oh, he's hurt".
Two days ago my mom (my dad is away until the end of the week) caught me crying in my bed (because she enters my room a second after knocking
). It was casual crying due to loneliness and evilness of this world. I kinda avoided explaining, knowing it's futile, but later I had some codeine which makes me overly talkative and I started unloading. I touched a lot of subjects, but all of them on a very surface level.
What made me realize we don't speak the same language, was that whenever I mentioned friendship, she was confused. I don't think I even touched the subject of sleepovers or tea parties, I think I only said I want friends for adventures, general fun/play and talking. She was always confused and switched subject to relationships or rather random acts of sex. Funny how I'm the sex obsessed incel, but I constantly tried to convince her life is not only about getting your dick wet. I mentioned how there are dating apps, but pretty much no apps for finding friends (the ones that exist are empty for my location), looking for male (independent of sex in general) friends on Tinder is one-way ticket to the gay bar and I struggle to find friends I could meet irl in other "traditional" ways (that includes groups on the internet).
She simply couldn't grasp the concept of wanting friends for fun, according to her, I should only crave sex. Our values are so different we don't have a common language. For a pony like me, sleepovers and non-sexual intimacy are a physiological need like sex for humans, but she won't ever understand it, because she's quite literally a different species. The concept of a guy wanting a male friend was so foreign to her that at some point she seemed to suggest I was a homo. It's all futile. I don't even have a family. The humans I live with only understand me on some very primitive level.
Two days ago my mom (my dad is away until the end of the week) caught me crying in my bed (because she enters my room a second after knocking
). It was casual crying due to loneliness and evilness of this world. I kinda avoided explaining, knowing it's futile, but later I had some codeine which makes me overly talkative and I started unloading. I touched a lot of subjects, but all of them on a very surface level.What made me realize we don't speak the same language, was that whenever I mentioned friendship, she was confused. I don't think I even touched the subject of sleepovers or tea parties, I think I only said I want friends for adventures, general fun/play and talking. She was always confused and switched subject to relationships or rather random acts of sex. Funny how I'm the sex obsessed incel, but I constantly tried to convince her life is not only about getting your dick wet.
I mentioned how there are dating apps, but pretty much no apps for finding friends (the ones that exist are empty for my location), looking for male (independent of sex in general) friends on Tinder is one-way ticket to the gay bar and I struggle to find friends I could meet irl in other "traditional" ways (that includes groups on the internet).She simply couldn't grasp the concept of wanting friends for fun, according to her, I should only crave sex. Our values are so different we don't have a common language. For a pony like me, sleepovers and non-sexual intimacy are a physiological need like sex for humans, but she won't ever understand it, because she's quite literally a different species. The concept of a guy wanting a male friend was so foreign to her that at some point she seemed to suggest I was a homo.
It's all futile. I don't even have a family. The humans I live with only understand me on some very primitive level.
