Oroborus
Ascending
★★★★★
- Joined
- Sep 14, 2020
- Posts
- 8,150
And it's brutal.
This happened when I was about 5 years old, ded srs. I lived with my grandparents and pretty much the rest of the family yet I was left alone and unsupervised. For most of the day I'd just go to the last floor and cope (jfl) with toys or books. Honestly I was very smart for that age.
I believe my uncle was a neet back then and he used to watch porn on the floor below. I would sneak out of curiosity every time he turned on the computer. I can't remember the first time it happened, but it became a habit. I guess I didn't understand at first but it awakened a natural instinct in me, associating those images with past memories such as catching someone having sex.
My brain couldn't process all of that, leading me to do crazy shit, like rubbing myself on the floor of the bathroom. Somehow, realizing It was wrong, I only did stupid things when alone. All of this at the age of 5-6, I can say this for sure, because I moved out of that house entering second grade.
As I grew up everything got worse, becoming an outcast. Of course this hasn't changed at all, but after so many years of rejection I'm used to it. I hit puberty at 9 years old fapping to magazines or whatever was available until I had access to the internet and porn finished the job of destroying my brain.
Looking back at it used to break me but I've become numb, which is great to deal with my problems, but it also neutralizes my copes. Maybe if all of this hadn't happened I'd be a very different person and coping with inceldom would be easier. I've been a coomer since very early in life, and although I've been trying nofap, the damage is already fucking done.
This happened when I was about 5 years old, ded srs. I lived with my grandparents and pretty much the rest of the family yet I was left alone and unsupervised. For most of the day I'd just go to the last floor and cope (jfl) with toys or books. Honestly I was very smart for that age.
I believe my uncle was a neet back then and he used to watch porn on the floor below. I would sneak out of curiosity every time he turned on the computer. I can't remember the first time it happened, but it became a habit. I guess I didn't understand at first but it awakened a natural instinct in me, associating those images with past memories such as catching someone having sex.
My brain couldn't process all of that, leading me to do crazy shit, like rubbing myself on the floor of the bathroom. Somehow, realizing It was wrong, I only did stupid things when alone. All of this at the age of 5-6, I can say this for sure, because I moved out of that house entering second grade.
As I grew up everything got worse, becoming an outcast. Of course this hasn't changed at all, but after so many years of rejection I'm used to it. I hit puberty at 9 years old fapping to magazines or whatever was available until I had access to the internet and porn finished the job of destroying my brain.
Looking back at it used to break me but I've become numb, which is great to deal with my problems, but it also neutralizes my copes. Maybe if all of this hadn't happened I'd be a very different person and coping with inceldom would be easier. I've been a coomer since very early in life, and although I've been trying nofap, the damage is already fucking done.