Life is going well, grades are decent, and I finally get a rest from studying... Me, a week ago, would think I'd be the closest to happy I could realistically be in this shit life. But no, this lease allows me to think, and giving me time to think is like giving a pistol to a toddler. And no matter how well I try to hide it, I know I am failing every single second of my life, miserably. What is this temporary pleasure for if I have nobody to share it with? At the end of the day, we are what others see us as. And nobody gives a shit about me. Am I nothing, then? No matter the pretty lies, "you are fine right the way you are", "you will be fine, there's still a lot of time for you", oh, and who can let the lovely "just be yourself and it will be okay!" not make it in... The existence of those pretty lies, of course, implies the ugly truth.
I am not a good student, man, or person. The clock is ticking and it doesn't give a single fuck about my feelings and won't let me fucking rest. Every single time I see somebody younger or my age being happy, having a relationship, doing cool stuff, a little bit of me dies. I wasted my teen years hiding in my room because I'm too fucking ugly to be seen as human by society. I killed myself. Life forced my hand, and I pretended it was my choice. And guess what, the same is going to happen to my 20s because I'm just too much of a little prideful bitch to change, and even if I try, it's not working.
It's never going to work, because when I try, it's never enough. There's always another step to be taken because when people tell you how to escape incelibacy, they don't want you to escape incelibacy; they want to prove that you were at fault for not "trying harder". It always seems that the bare minimum is your shadow, and the sun's behind you.
Being an incel just fucking sucks. It's not enough with the granted crippling loneliness, you also get a permanent subscription to judgment, suspicion, and being accused of crimes that you didn't even know about. People argue about our fucking mental health as if it were just a debate club practice, "Do incels deserve sympathy?", "Are incels proof of toxic masculinity?", and that's when we aren't being used as a fucking misandric insult or manipulated by political cults because they see lonely men as expendable pawns to further their batshit causes.
For as long as I am alive, just because I'm an incel, I'll always be at fault for any shortcomings on my life. And the sad truth is that society is just stronger than I am. So all I can do is take the slap to the face and either kill myself or carry on. I am not a fan of either option. I hope change will come sometime, but when will it? Will I be dead by the time people see us as a fucking functioning organism that deserves rights?
When people talk about "real men", they think of 6-foot-tall Chads who are extremely buff, confident, fearless, and essentially emotionless. No, we are real men, beings doomed to either permanent loneliness because we just don't look manly enough, or to permanent loneliness because the people you trust the most will be weirded out by you showing basic human emotions because despite their virtue signaling, they don't give a fuck about you. Yes, Chad has it better, but really, being a man is just awful, even if you are in the top, if you just arent cut out for it. I'm not cut out to be a real man, I desire I would just die and out of my ashes with not a single memory, the perfect 7ft chad with the marked abs and well endowed genitals would manifest, without my weakling personality. But I am doomed to be who I am.
I am not satisfied with the way the world works yet I know I cant do shit to change it. I spend my life pretending not to care when I truly care a fucking lot and I am never fucking happy because this is rigged against me. My only drive is fear and pride, I have no fucking friends and want none because I can't fucking handle a friendship of be vulnerable around people without being paranoid it will be used to stab me in the back. I have no happiness because I have nothing to look up to. I have nothing to look up to because I have no dreams. I have no dreams because I know they won't ever come to reality. And if I have to run instead of facing reality, then so be it, I'll end up dying alone either way, may I not at least make it comfortable for myself?
The choice was never if I wanted to miss out on life, but how I wanted to miss out on it.
People out there are getting married, meeting the love of their life, having friends... We are on an incel forum.
I am not a good student, man, or person. The clock is ticking and it doesn't give a single fuck about my feelings and won't let me fucking rest. Every single time I see somebody younger or my age being happy, having a relationship, doing cool stuff, a little bit of me dies. I wasted my teen years hiding in my room because I'm too fucking ugly to be seen as human by society. I killed myself. Life forced my hand, and I pretended it was my choice. And guess what, the same is going to happen to my 20s because I'm just too much of a little prideful bitch to change, and even if I try, it's not working.
It's never going to work, because when I try, it's never enough. There's always another step to be taken because when people tell you how to escape incelibacy, they don't want you to escape incelibacy; they want to prove that you were at fault for not "trying harder". It always seems that the bare minimum is your shadow, and the sun's behind you.
Being an incel just fucking sucks. It's not enough with the granted crippling loneliness, you also get a permanent subscription to judgment, suspicion, and being accused of crimes that you didn't even know about. People argue about our fucking mental health as if it were just a debate club practice, "Do incels deserve sympathy?", "Are incels proof of toxic masculinity?", and that's when we aren't being used as a fucking misandric insult or manipulated by political cults because they see lonely men as expendable pawns to further their batshit causes.
For as long as I am alive, just because I'm an incel, I'll always be at fault for any shortcomings on my life. And the sad truth is that society is just stronger than I am. So all I can do is take the slap to the face and either kill myself or carry on. I am not a fan of either option. I hope change will come sometime, but when will it? Will I be dead by the time people see us as a fucking functioning organism that deserves rights?
When people talk about "real men", they think of 6-foot-tall Chads who are extremely buff, confident, fearless, and essentially emotionless. No, we are real men, beings doomed to either permanent loneliness because we just don't look manly enough, or to permanent loneliness because the people you trust the most will be weirded out by you showing basic human emotions because despite their virtue signaling, they don't give a fuck about you. Yes, Chad has it better, but really, being a man is just awful, even if you are in the top, if you just arent cut out for it. I'm not cut out to be a real man, I desire I would just die and out of my ashes with not a single memory, the perfect 7ft chad with the marked abs and well endowed genitals would manifest, without my weakling personality. But I am doomed to be who I am.
I am not satisfied with the way the world works yet I know I cant do shit to change it. I spend my life pretending not to care when I truly care a fucking lot and I am never fucking happy because this is rigged against me. My only drive is fear and pride, I have no fucking friends and want none because I can't fucking handle a friendship of be vulnerable around people without being paranoid it will be used to stab me in the back. I have no happiness because I have nothing to look up to. I have nothing to look up to because I have no dreams. I have no dreams because I know they won't ever come to reality. And if I have to run instead of facing reality, then so be it, I'll end up dying alone either way, may I not at least make it comfortable for myself?
The choice was never if I wanted to miss out on life, but how I wanted to miss out on it.
People out there are getting married, meeting the love of their life, having friends... We are on an incel forum.
