It's Over I can see exactly why my life ended up the way it did

[Runt171]

Genuinely some brutal shit
Im sure its nothing unfamiliar to most people here but I felt like making a post

I redownloaded TikTok for some reason the other day and realised that I had a old video of Me on my account that Id taken a year and a bit ago
Obviously not public videos I was already well aware I wasnt good looking at this point I just took the video to try and remember that time in my life
the video was me on this cliff I used to chill at And I just recorded The fog closing in and then I pan to my face and It hit me instantly to see what I actually had to try and live my life looking like back then

I remember this time In my life too
I was well aware of the BP at this time and the idea that This was all my life was going to be after trying to change it somewhat Was hitting me hard And I was pretty much mid LDAR at this point apart from going out occasionally
I can literally see the pain in my eyes in that video

At this time I was maybe 50kg at the most maybe a bit lower depending on when It was taken While being 5’6
I look gaunt And Fucked up
I look like an aged 14 year old since When I was underweight my nasal folds looked way worse(they still look kind of shit ngl) and my eyes looked even more buggy then they do now
My face had pretty much no development and my jaw was very narrow
I genuinely wouldn’t be surprised if I didnt hit puberty properly until recently but that wouldn’t really make sense
Seeing this now and having a fully sober view of what I look like makes me think about what I still question even now ??

How the fuck did I get so unlucky??
Not only does my face look fucked up but Im also small framed 5’6 and have autism/adhd/low iq and Alot of other shit wrong with me


No wonder people have treated me so Horribly my entire life
If You showed a stranger a picture of me They would probably guess that all of this shit has happened to me just by seeing me
I genuinely never stood a chance

The brutal thing is and you’ve probably already guessed it yourself is that nothing has changed
Nothing important or interesting happened in the year that passed since then
I just got to a reasonably healthy weight and grew some shitty facial hair my face improved from the weight gain and my jaw might have grown somewhat but Obviously I still don’t look good I just look less fucked up in general from what I can tell

I became more jaded but Im still just as depressed and pissed off about my situation as I was then and I always will be
When It comes to my genes Ive been unluckier then Most people I will ever meet in my life
People always say that same boring phrase that “theres someone out there worse then you “ but that doesn’t matter at all if Everyone I actually meet mogs me
When Normies say this to eachother or someone says that to a ltn
Im the guy they are talking about

I still cant even comprehend how brutal reality is from day to day tbh
Even after all my life has gone by
What was the need for nature to be this cruel??
Not only to me and all of us
Everyone is suffering
Some people alot less obviously but Everyone is suffering to their own degree

The whole vibe of the world is just cruelty
Tbh I cant put this well Because I cant even think of how to say It but Im sure you all know what Im talking about

Everything In this world runs on cruelty
Someone always has to lose for someone to win
Even us being forced to partake in this is cruel
Im sure most people would kill themselves given the choice to escape this hell but the survival instinct that is engrained into their brain will stop them

The world runs on suffering but what is actually the point of all this shit??
The brutal thing is there isnt one
All of this shit is happening to us and the world for no reason

Even If you pull away all the cope and look at the purpose of the human experience the whole purpose is to fuck and continue your bloodline
But all this does is carry this shitshow on forever because humans cant deny their programming

Someone like me should Have never been born in the first place
We are like glitches in the system
The only purpose I can think of for us to exist is to make people feel better about themselves or to wageslave
Since when people use that cope of “theres someone worse then you “
They are pretty much admitting that some people exist just to make someone feel better
Brutal
Also if this is the purpose of our existence then what was the reason for us being programmed with the same wants and needs as normal people??
Its just needless cruelty

Ive never had anything in my life worth living for
Other people may have things that make them want to put up with the suffering but my life has always been empty
If I had the option I would choose to never have existed

In nature people like me would have died quickly due to how many subhuman traits we have and that would have been the humane thing to happen
Now we are just artificially kept alive to live in a world where we have no real purpose
We live pointless horrible lives where we will forever be treated with prejudice because of traits we never decided

One thing I thought of the other day is that We literally spend forever living as we do now
Because If you think of It all of our time is spent living like this
Once you die you cease to exist any part of you
Your memory your mind is all gone

So your eternity is spent rotting while everyone else is eternally living

Thought I would include this at the end since I saw it while I was on ShitTok

 

[Fantasea]

Switch ur AVI to Thorfinn. He's a manlet framecel that suffered from the same existential dread.

 

[Tabula Rasa]

Existence is just abjectly terrible, especially for us who got the short end of the stick. All we can do is distract ourselves and keep moving forward day by day in spite of it.

 

[Runt171]

suffered from the same existential dread.

manlet framecel

What this combo does to a nigga

Switch ur AVI to Thorfinn.

it wouldn’t really make sense for me to have my profile pic as a character from something Ive never seen

I feel like the One I have now Is fitting but I will probably change it soon because Im bored of looking at the same colour every time Im on here

 

[Fantasea]

What this combo does to a nigga

it wouldn’t really make sense for me to have my profile pic as a character from something Ive never seen

I feel like the One I have now Is fitting but I will probably change it soon because Im bored of looking at the same colour every time Im on here

you'll need something new when u hit paragon. I don't think we have a thorfinncel yet but there's tons of fromsoft bosses with more presence.

 

[Runt171]

there's tons of fromsoft bosses with more presence.

Brutal

 

[Fantasea]

Brutal
View attachment 1459309

still waiting for an elden beastcel

 

[Runt171]

still waiting for an elden beastcel

Only a truly ascendedCel could have that pic

 

[TheHungariancel]

Read every word. Just brutal.

Someone like me should Have never been born in the first place
We are like glitches in the system
The only purpose I can think of for us to exist is to make people feel better about themselves or to wageslave
Since when people use that cope of “theres someone worse then you “
They are pretty much admitting that some people exist just to make someone feel better
Brutal
Also if this is the purpose of our existence then what was the reason for us being programmed with the same wants and needs as normal people??
Its just needless cruelty

I used to cope with the thought that evolution has an endpoint, that our suffering is not completely pointless as the unfit people (like us) don't reproduce which increases the quality of the collective gene pool. This is no solace for us, of course, but I liked to imagine that us not reproducing benefits society.

Even if this theory is true, there's just no end or final stage of evolution. People will keep reproducing, hierarchies will continue to exist, outsiders, social outcasts, incels will always exist. All of this could only stop if we interfered with human nature through genetic engineering, if that's possible at all.

 

[estonia2k]

Can relate bro

 

[Wizardmaxxer]

Switch ur AVI to Thorfinn. He's a manlet framecel that suffered from the same existential dread.

Is he that cucked nigga who say "muh i hav no enemiuehs"

 

[Subutex]

Yep, Nature ist fucking brutal.

I can't understand why nature created us. What's the point if we suffer every day? In the end, we'll disappear anyway, and everything will be wiped out.
Why should we suffer every day if we have no function on earth and everything will be forgotten. EVerything is pointless.

This meaningless life has made me addicted to heroin. For me it's the only way to feel something like happiness and my way to cope

 

[Fantasea]

Is he that cucked nigga who say "muh i hav no enemiuehs"

yes

 

[Wizardmaxxer]

yes

Still hate that cucked phrase to this day

 

[Fantasea]

Still hate that cucked phrase to this day

he's the whitepill final boss

 

[Wizardmaxxer]

he's the whitepill final boss

For me that shit he said was bluepilled asf, or maybe i just enjoy genocidal characters that the only shit they do is kill

 

[Fantasea]

For me that shit he said was bluepilled asf, or maybe i just enjoy genocidal characters that the only shit they do is kill

I absolutely can't stand that show and thorfinn but if ur at rock bottom it makes sense not to let feelings of resentment and desires for revenge to fester. I also stay away from ragefuel material and inhale 40 Liters of copium a day. I think thorfinn is a good icon for manlet framcels who are whitepilled.

 

[Runt171]

I used to cope with the thought that evolution has an endpoint, that our suffering is not completely pointless as the unfit people (like us) don't reproduce which increases the quality of the collective gene pool. This is no solace for us, of course, but I liked to imagine that us not reproducing benefits society.

Even if this theory is true, there's just no end or final stage of evolution. People will keep reproducing, hierarchies will continue to exist, outsiders, social outcasts, incels will always exist. All of this could only stop if we interfered with human nature through genetic engineering, if that's possible at all.

Honestly I think Ive always felt the same way I do now I just didnt think fully about it until the last few years

Ive always seen that the human experience Is pretty much just bullshit
I never thought to myself that atleast my suffering benefits someone else because they dont have to be born with my gene’s because It doesn’t benefit me
We still have to suffer and even if these people we are “saving” were born they would have better genes and therefore hate us like everyone else so we are just needless martyrs saving ungrateful people in that case

It would be more humane if they screened people for subhumanity at birth which is probably completely possible with the technology we have now
If you have any chance of being subhuman they should put you out of your mercy then and there

Ive been saying for awhile it would be better for society at whole if eugenics were completely implemented
If everyone was only Allowed to live if They have no disabilities no major flaws and no deficiencies or low iq life would be alot easier for everyone
Society would probably be less fucked as a whole
All this hierachy shit would still go on and the hypergamy but atleast you have somewhat of a fair chance in life and can live healthy It would be much easier to cope too

But instead nature still implements eugenics but in the cruelest way possible we will be treated like shit our entire because our genes failed
It leaves all of us out to dry and rot when
We could have just not been born in the first place and never suffered but instead we were flung into this hell like a piece of shit being thrown by a monkey at Its enclosure window
We are going to be trapped living like this forever now just like the monkey Who will be trapped in the zoo its whole life

It has desires to live free
roam the forests swing from tree to tree and all that shit but it will never get to do it again if it ever did in the first place
Just like we have so many desires we will never have even beyond just sex

We’ve been cut out of nearly everything you can think of

Even if this theory is true, there's just no end or final stage of evolution. People will keep reproducing, hierarchies will continue to exist, outsiders, social outcasts, incels will always exist. All of this could only stop if we interfered with human nature through genetic engineering, if that's possible at all.

this is the main problem
There is literally no real point to any of this
I feel like Its more of a test to see how long we can last by nature or whatever force controls this shitshow but that still doesn’t make it a worthwhile purpose

I dont think we could alter the way things are even through genetic engineering
Atleast not for a very long time
I think All of this shit is too engrained into our base nature for it to be tampered with

 

[Runt171]

This meaningless life has made me addicted to heroin. For me it's the only way to feel something like happiness and my way to cope

Fr??
Whats it like living like that
What is your lifestyle actually like??

Are you functioning or do you barely have enough money to get by??
Theres alot of heroin addicts in my town but I never really spoke to any of them

 

[Runt171]

Can relate bro

How come??

 

[ToBurble&Pine]

At least everything will be over once we rope

 

[Runt171]

At least everything will be over once we rope

Probably
but how do we know for sure there could be some sort of buddhist shit going on where we are reborn over and over

 

[Subutex]

Fr??
Whats it like living like that
What is your lifestyle actually like??

Are you functioning or do you barely have enough money to get by??
Theres alot of heroin addicts in my town but I never really spoke to any of them

Actually my childhood was very good.
I started to use drugs at the age of 16, because I had mental health problems like anxiety and depression.
Opioids will cure all of your problems at the beginning.

First I only used weak opioids like tilidine but after some time I got more and more addicted. I switched to oxycodone and at the age of 22 to heroin, because it's much cheaper and stronger.

I only used heroin daily for 3-4 months. My life got worse and worse because I spent to much time on the street. I waked up and directly went to my dealer and spend a lot of time with other addicted outside. After some days of consuming, I always slept for 48 hours and then I went to my dealer again.


To not destroy my life completely, I began a substitute therapy. I was running out of money too.

Now I get the substitute opioid buprenorphin every day from my doctor.
It kills all withdrawal symptoms, but doesn't get you a strong high.

I don't need to buy heroin, the substitute is free and payed by my health insure. Now I only use heroin once a month to feel the strong high and on the other days I use the substitute.

Right now I live quite a normal life. I have my own apartment and I even working 3 days a week. My living conditions have improved significantly.

What hasn't improved are my mental health issues. I'm still battling depression and anxiety.

 

[Subutex]

Fr??
Whats it like living like that
What is your lifestyle actually like??

Are you functioning or do you barely have enough money to get by??
Theres alot of heroin addicts in my town but I never really spoke to any of them

The most heroin addicted are quite cool relaxed guys, in contrast to crack or meth addicts.
Almost all have trauma and mental health problems, but they don't hurt anybody and are just chilling in their corner.

Most have a good heart, but the drugs and their situation makes them worse people. When you are at the bottom of society, you start to feel hate.

For real, I had the feeling most of them are good people, stuck in a bad situation.

Crack addicts are a complete different story, because the drug is destroying their brain and their personality. Lots of older people told me, that crack and meth destroyed the drug scene. In the 80s and 90s people only used heroin and the the solidarity among addicts was much greater. There was much less violence and antisocial people.

I actually think the situation in Europe is better than in the USA, because the heroin is still without fentanyl. You can also start a substitute therapy and don't need to pay for it.