Fuck me, not trying to have a pity party but my god the first pox upon me was having narcissist pyschopathic Jewish parents, these fuckers will do anything to feed their own ego, my Dad and my mom are such pathetic fucking shitcunts. I swear to God that was the first loosh disposal curse. On top of this, of all things, of course besides aside from being a ASPD narcissist, he's also literally autistic. Nothing will derail your life like this, try it if you don't believe me. Thanks for passing on your shitty genetics (autism) to me, Dad, he's such a weak ego bitch and he'll never admit it. He's such a pathetic cuck and a betabuxxer as well, he'll never admit he's autistic because he's too proud, though, that would mean everything he's ever lived in entirety is a lie, a mirror of their own failures, they hate you when they ain't you, it's a projection of what they wished they could achieve in their shoes being me. Of course he'll never admit that, because his stupid retarded God complex + ego's too big and feeble from being wronged in his life and set up, he projects all of this onto me and ultimately ruins my life in the process and he giddily laughs at that like a failed serial slasher/torturer, shoving his problems and shit onto me. I know he was bullied as a child because he's autistic and fails to admit because he's deeply trapped by it and he's so fragile. Lol he's a manchild and pretends he's not. I swear to god, of all the problems this is literally the worst. I wanna know if anyone else relates to this. I've figured out that I'm basically the sheepgoat of the family, not on some schizo shit, but for so for real, they (the family) have sent their minions on me trying to destroy my life systematically, I've been the target of gangstalking for 12 or so months now, you can look it up for proof. You name it, I've tried it all, the crash diets, the cope courses, nothing I haven't done. I've had to go on the Internet just to prove in my own mind I'm not crazy. Fuckers will call you crazy for anything. Having narcissist sadistic psychopathic feeder parents sucks all the life out of you and leaves no room for advancement, these fuckers have always got a foothold in everything. They say I've gotta be grateful for whatever they've given me and if I ask questions I'm wrong, suck up to them while they're doing it. I've been in the system, so to speak, in and out of psych wards for 10 to >20 years, and for what, a broken hope, permanent depression and developmental issues is all I've got to show for it. You name it, they use that biblical excuse for justifying abuse and neglect, they never give to me anything and despite this say they did, they use the Bible to back it up, they use Old Testament bullshit to justify making me hurt and causing me lifelong developmental trauma, muh they give to me they say that they can take it away and they say that they can justify anything with the Bible, all the while using their support of their religious cult family, they say that the Lord says to honor thy mother and father. So rage filled and angry at the end of the day with no clear or pure outlet for it, I've exhausted all my copes and at the end of the day even coping feels pointless, stupid, feckless and futile. Legit feels like the only option is roping but obviously you can never be able to let them get what they want, don't let them win, self-preservation at all costs is the key. "Oh but we fed you and clothed you, providing for your basic needs." "We love you, you mean everything to us!" Fuck off, and then they have the nerve to gaslight me tell me everything I ever said and believed is wrong, and convince me that I'm the bad person, ridiculous shit if I've ever heard it. They are literally the biggest source of my fury, wrath, enragement, indignance and spiritual death I've got no other options to recover from this but try to collect their inheritance, will, possessions after their decease. I've had to act sociopathic and like a borderline narcissist, and like an ego clown just to survive and not get killed under their wrath fist. This shit really destroys your sense of existing in the end. But hey, I was a genetic mistake anyway, and never meant to be here because he came inside her, get out of your own way so you're not crushed by your own need to belonging, you can't sow what you reap to sow if you never sowed in the first place, right? never get up, as St. Hamudi says.
